The Curmudgeon Screws Up The Superbowl: Part 2

I have to admit, I don’t do sportsball. It didn’t have to be this way. As a kid I had baseball cards, a glove with which I occasionally (almost by accident it seems) caught a ball, a ball which my dog kept stealing and was (to me) irreplaceably expensive, and a bat which I occasionally swung at designated objects like baseballs (instead of more adventurous things like trees and bullies). I was the all American kid who loved baseball. Who fucked it up? Baseball did!

There were strikes and lockdowns in ’72, ’73, ’76, ’80, ’81, and continuing. (It was a hard time that broke my relationship with Sports. Iran took hostages, the price of gas skyrocketed, the national speed limit was 55, and AMC Gremlins roamed free. Both Sports and I emerged with scars.) Fortunately, Sports and I had an amiable breakup. I had a brief dalliance with the Olympics (Miracle On Ice!) but came to my senses before things got out of hand. I eventually called it quits for just about anything involving a team (including not only Sports but war, organized religion, and Trekkie fandom). From then on all “sports” I’ve done have involved [redacted], there’s no goddamn team, and it doesn’t revolve around watching the tube. In short, I’ve been something of a loner ever since. I never missed Sports. Sometimes Sports calls me though. Usually in the middle of the night when Sports has been drinking. “Take me back”, Sports says, “I’ve changed.” But I know it’ll never be the same. I’ve moved on and Sports only wants my money anyway.

But there I was, eating fried food and guzzling cheap beer… and the game sucked. I don’t really care who plays so long as they’re evenly matched. I want to see struggle dammit. The Falcons weren’t just beating the Patriots… they were kicking their ass so hard their grandchildren would feel it. Damn.

I suppose, the Cubs winning the final game in their series, which was breathtakingly close, was a once in a lifetime event (like the Miracle on Ice!). I was silly to expect a repeat. As usual the Superbowl was going to be a lopsided snooze fest. The next day NPR would analyze the commercials and I’d wind up jumping out of my truck’s window rather than listen to some nitwit discuss a car ad.

Then Lady Gaga came on…

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.
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6 Responses to The Curmudgeon Screws Up The Superbowl: Part 2

  1. Robert says:

    Gaga is suspiciously similar to gag, ah.

  2. Tennessee Budd says:

    I was never much of a sports fan. I’m even less so now; if it involves a ball, I don’t care. I’m with Mr. Jefferson on that one.
    Despite being a redneck & a hillbilly, I can’t stand NASCAR. The hypocrisy annoys me (4-door street models being allowed to run as 2-door race cars, no public-sale models for homologation required–even Bill France, slimy asshole that he was, wouldn’t have gone for that), and constant left turns with no elevation changes bore me.
    I do like motorcycle racing & shooting sports. Of course, I won’t pay for TV, so I don’t get to watch those sports either, unless I catch them on the Tube of You, & laptop speakers don’t do justice to the sound of a WSBK rocket. I’m not complaining: if that isn’t a First World Problem, I’ve never heard of one.

    • What really pisses me off in nascar is that an owner can have multiple cars in, thus cock blocking the one car team. One owner, one team and one car. That would make nascar good again.

  3. Easily Amused says:

    I think I might be a bit younger than you. I caught Baseball cards in their Beanie Baby phase, right at its apex and downfall, but before the rebirth. As a kid we believed we’d be millionaires when we retire from our collections. I saw a collection similar to mine (about 15,000 cards) sell at auction for $5. Your collecting days seem to be from a lot earlier period. You ever look to see if your collection is worth anything nowadays?

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