The Curmudgeon Screws Up The Superbowl: Part 2

I have to admit, I don’t do sportsball. It didn’t have to be this way. As a kid I had baseball cards, a glove with which I occasionally (almost by accident it seems) caught a ball, a ball which my dog kept stealing and was (to me) irreplaceably expensive, and a bat which I occasionally swung at designated objects like baseballs (instead of more adventurous things like trees and bullies). I was the all American kid who loved baseball. Who fucked it up? Baseball did!

There were strikes and lockdowns in ’72, ’73, ’76, ’80, ’81, and continuing. (It was a hard time that broke my relationship with Sports. Iran took hostages, the price of gas skyrocketed, the national speed limit was 55, and AMC Gremlins roamed free. Both Sports and I emerged with scars.) Fortunately, Sports and I had an amiable breakup. I had a brief dalliance with the Olympics (Miracle On Ice!) but came to my senses before things got out of hand. I eventually called it quits for just about anything involving a team (including not only Sports but war, organized religion, and Trekkie fandom). From then on all “sports” I’ve done have involved [redacted], there’s no goddamn team, and it doesn’t revolve around watching the tube. In short, I’ve been something of a loner ever since. I never missed Sports. Sometimes Sports calls me though. Usually in the middle of the night when Sports has been drinking. “Take me back”, Sports says, “I’ve changed.” But I know it’ll never be the same. I’ve moved on and Sports only wants my money anyway.

But there I was, eating fried food and guzzling cheap beer… and the game sucked. I don’t really care who plays so long as they’re evenly matched. I want to see struggle dammit. The Falcons weren’t just beating the Patriots… they were kicking their ass so hard their grandchildren would feel it. Damn.

I suppose, the Cubs winning the final game in their series, which was breathtakingly close, was a once in a lifetime event (like the Miracle on Ice!). I was silly to expect a repeat. As usual the Superbowl was going to be a lopsided snooze fest. The next day NPR would analyze the commercials and I’d wind up jumping out of my truck’s window rather than listen to some nitwit discuss a car ad.

Then Lady Gaga came on…

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.
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6 Responses to The Curmudgeon Screws Up The Superbowl: Part 2

  1. Robert says:

    Gaga is suspiciously similar to gag, ah.

  2. Tennessee Budd says:

    I was never much of a sports fan. I’m even less so now; if it involves a ball, I don’t care. I’m with Mr. Jefferson on that one.
    Despite being a redneck & a hillbilly, I can’t stand NASCAR. The hypocrisy annoys me (4-door street models being allowed to run as 2-door race cars, no public-sale models for homologation required–even Bill France, slimy asshole that he was, wouldn’t have gone for that), and constant left turns with no elevation changes bore me.
    I do like motorcycle racing & shooting sports. Of course, I won’t pay for TV, so I don’t get to watch those sports either, unless I catch them on the Tube of You, & laptop speakers don’t do justice to the sound of a WSBK rocket. I’m not complaining: if that isn’t a First World Problem, I’ve never heard of one.

  3. Easily Amused says:

    I think I might be a bit younger than you. I caught Baseball cards in their Beanie Baby phase, right at its apex and downfall, but before the rebirth. As a kid we believed we’d be millionaires when we retire from our collections. I saw a collection similar to mine (about 15,000 cards) sell at auction for $5. Your collecting days seem to be from a lot earlier period. You ever look to see if your collection is worth anything nowadays?

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