Off Grid

I last seriously managed my blog two weeks ago (don’t be shocked but sometimes I post by autopilot and/or approve comments in haste). Two weeks is unconscionably long by modern standards but not rare for me. I won’t go into details. I had shit to do and chose not to burn time keeping up with the world at large.

Now, having accomplished some of the things that needed doing, I’m of two minds. On one hand, I want to get back on the internet. I’d like to check my blog and I’ve the normal human desire to find out what society has been doing in my absence. On the other hand, I already know what society has been up to; the same shit it’s been doing for ages. A few rational actors have watched in horror as lunatics en masse caterwaul like little bitches. Emotionally stunted, otherwise unemployable, loons cavort about; demanding respect they haven’t earned. Having done nothing (possibly because they’ve done nothing), nutcases demand the keys to the world. Ironically, the ability to control lies unnoticed at their feet. Build the world, expand and improve it, and you’ll find your hands on the tiller by default. But true accomplishment is very hard. So much easier to seize authority and drive what already exists into a ditch.

Am I wrong? Was there an outbreak of kindness and rationality? Everyone just chilled out and decided to stick to their own knitting? I’m betting “No”. I’d love to be wrong.

So I sit here, relaxing on a day off, avoiding my laptop. There it is, inert, stuffed in my travel luggage, totally hamstrung. Powered on, it’ll be linked to the largest, most powerful human emotion generation machine ever devised. The internet (and social media) lies in wait, ready to do its thing. It’s poised to mock my beliefs, shovel propaganda, spew information leavened with bullshit, and dole out little dopamine hits of irrelevance. The internet whispers its siren song “post about how completely you comply with the required narrative and I’ll give you ‘likes'”. It’s all about compliance. I could get on Facebook and tell everyone I bought a new Apple product. They’d treat me like a hero. Or I could use the same soapbox to tell everyone I went hunting. I’d be treated like I’d committed a war crime. The media is there too; ready to keep me agitated. It cajoles with inflammatory crap about which I’d never otherwise be aware; “A tattooed, pierced, gender amorphous wingnut you’ve never met checked onto a commercial airline with an ’emotional support animal’. It was a pelican. The pelican was died blue, infected with Ebola, has gender issues, shit all over, and disrupted the flight. The plane was diverted to Detroit where it landed amid a gang war. The pelican owner is suing everyone in the time zone for being racist.” I’m supposed to read that shit and get angry. That’s its purpose.

Nothing is so stupid and weird that it’s not useful for manipulation. We all know (in general) that stupid shit’s going down, but the media seeks out the obscene and pipes it to our living-room. Right now, some politician is singling out “people like X” as “not who we are”. The politician doesn’t want my vote and will never get it. Yet I fear I look like X. I’ve seen this movie before. It’s the forever and ratcheting run up to “up against the wall” or “burn the witch”. It’s slow coming and ideally it never arrives. Is it wise to let media roll out the red carpet for every step? In my house? Why give headspace to such crap?

The same shit’s been going on since the first caveman learned incitement is easier than getting his hands dirty doing work. He got his tribe to dogpile “others” and put him in charge. They all died the next winter.

Ah, the irony of it all. I have at my command the greatest database in human existence; the sum total of human knowledge. Yet, I’m reluctant to turn it on. I’ll have to sift shit to find the gems and I’m not in the shit business today. For every delightful nugget of knowledge there’s an angry cat lady bitching about how the world would be better if she were in charge of… well in charge of ME. That’s all they want, to boss other people around. I’m part of “other people”. You are too. Remember this:

Nobody wants a position of power to better manage their own affairs.

Meanwhile I’ve got a real problem. I hauled firewood to the house but didn’t bring kindling. Whoops. (Notice I didn’t blame anyone for my oversight? It never occurs to me that my failures are someone else’s problem. This is why I’m not a politician.)

My current, front and center problem is how to coax a warm fire from big hunks of wood without the requisite little hunks of wood. I have a choice; go through the snow to the woodshed and drag back an armload of kindling or get creative with some junk mail and a match. It’s very cold out.

My problem is minor, immediate, and solvable. The electronic shitstorm we mainline into our cerebrum focuses on the massive, distant, unsolvable, and almost exclusively contrived. I’ll eventually get my woodstove going. I won’t “solve” Syrian foreign policy. You won’t either. Likely Syria is unsolvable and the people there might resent being “solved” by outside forces anyway.

Incidentally, this is how you know I’m out of the loop. Syria was in the news when I checked out. Two weeks is longer than the lifespan of a modern topic. For all I know it’s forgotten by now. Likely the new issue is unrelated. What’s the new topic? Another reason why the election of 2016 didn’t happen? Surprise at California burning itself to the ground again? Tide pod eaters have taken to pissing on spark plugs?

I won’t know until I fire up the laptop. Right now, I’m using a brick-solid, dumb as rocks, Neo2 word processor. I’m almost done typing. Soon I’ll tentatively nudge into the least stupid online neighborhood possible. I hear Emporium Outdoors has an new ATV. That’s a good start. Emporium Outdoors won’t set the world on fire with deep oration, but watching a man and his dog rest by a campfire is good for the soul. It never fails to amuse and everyone loves the dog.

Yeah, that’s the ticket. I’m going to wade in the shallows and, if I don’t get mental Ebola from a bunch of hyperactive lemmings, I’ll gradually get around to checking the news. If not, this text will live on my Neo2 while I withdraw again.

In the meantime, I’ve got important issues to address. I have kindling to split.

A.C.

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.
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17 Responses to Off Grid

  1. Weisshaupt says:

    YOU MIGHT NOT BE INTERESTED IN THE GLEICHSCHALTUNG, BUT THE GLEICHSCHALTUNG IS INTERESTED IN YOU.

    Its only a matter of time before there will be agents of the government there to arrest you for burning your wood.

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      The EPA already spent a decade freaking out about the emissions of woodstoves (and external boilers).

      I’ve probably mentioned this before in my blog but I’ve seen a sea change in the government’s view of wood as a “green technology”. In the 1970’s the government had a lot of encouraging publications about how to use woodstoves as part of energy independence. Some of it was useful basic science and instruction. It was a response to the OPEC embargo and rural people really did install woodstoves in droves. The crunch faded by the 1980’s. A little over a decade ago there was another energy crunch (since alleviated by domestic technologies like fracking). By then the government was doing all it could to discourage the unwashed masses from using wood for heat.

      It was a total 180 degree change of attitude. Sometime between 1970’s and 2000’s the government decided that people are too clueless and stupid to manage their own affairs. It’s thought better to talk them out of taking action. Former “citizens” are now treated like infantalized state wards.

      Also, don’t get me started about “liberty gardens” turning into warnings against “amateur canning”.

      • Weisshaupt says:

        And the EPA regs changed again for wood stoves in 2020 . Now they must all have a catalyzer – so far the stoves I have seen have had ways of bypassing this , but just wait …

        Point is there will probably come a time where any home producing a smoke column will be noted by drone and agents sent to fine you under suspected fire abuse. CO2 is a “pollutant” after all.

        .

  2. Mark says:

    I burn some wood in a little unit in the back room. Its not a whole house heater, its more like a 1.8 room heater.

    I light fire in the AM and it goes out. I light. another late afternoon.

    I light a lotta fires.

    My wife was all about scented candles until i read about the health effects of burning petroleum byproducts in the air i breathe.

    That was enough, coupled with my dislike of strong perfume scents, to throw the flag on burning paraffin candles.

    I started making fire starters from melted candle wax, a twist of newspaper, and paper egg cartons.

    Each egg hole gets a twist of paper, and fill about halfway with wax.
    When solid, break/rip into 12 firestarters

    I lay 2 logs beside each other, a egg carton section apart.
    Place a starter between, at the end opposite the chimney.
    Stack a 3rd log on top and light the starter.

    Go start the coffee maker and take the dog out.

    Fire always starts if the logs are dry.

    Green logs?

    You need kindling.

    Thats what works here.

  3. MadRocketSci says:

    Thank you for your posts. Especially these ones.

    I really need to get my head out of the internet. I need my computer for work, I need my computer for all my e-book references and learning, but I also need to avoid the damn internet. Something to work on.

  4. Educated Savage says:

    That bit about people seeking power is going on my quotes list:)

  5. Glenfilthie says:

    Whaddya think of Michael’s new ride, AC?

    As an old fart I get it… but damn! That’s a lot of machine that your little quad could do just as well…

    Either way I hope he puts a million miles on it.

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      I’m actually a little bummed out by his new wheels. The Argo seemed a whole different dimension in cool and exotic. His preceding Ranger 500 was cheap and approachable; very much my style if a little dull. The new super expensive cabbed in UTV is in a price range that makes me have a stroke. I can’t imagine myself having one unless I win the lottery (which ‘aint happening because I don’t buy lottery tickets). It takes away a tiny bit of the fun of watching his videos.

      That said, he spends a lot more time out there than I do and everyone knows a heated cab is heaven. They’re the greatest thing ever so who wouldn’t want one if you cold afford it? Including me. I figure a heated cab is often the difference between a mellow afternoon and a horrible slog. It’s dumb of me to expect anyone to freeze their balls off just to make a more fun video. I hope he drives the wheels off it and has so much cool fun that he overcomes my cheapness and talks me into buying one.

      Incidentally, In the last few weeks I’ve test driven an Argo, a couple UTVs, a few ATVs, and even a hybrid thing called a Polaris ACE (Google it). I can’t afford any of them but I’ve got to admit I want a new toy bad. Hopefully my innate sense (and total unhinged loathing for payments) will keep me on the straight and narrow. That said, a modern 2020 model of virtually anything is pretty damn impressive compared to the near antique dogs I’ve been driving. If you’ve a weakness for machinery be warned, even an entry level modern ATV is a rip-snorting powerbeast!

      • matismf says:

        Well if you’re doing “test drives,” make sure you test drive a Sherp.

      • Glenfilthie says:

        I hear ya loud and clear AC. For me, I just layer up and dress for the weather. To me that machine would be just the ticket for a guy like you – you have the farm or acreage to put it to work AND use it for fun too.

        I was hot to trot on the Argo too for awhile… but if I get a new ride it will be a small one again. I don’t need anything over 400cc.

        • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

          I just can’t find any way to interpret an Argo as anything other than exotic and expensive. I want one but it’s unnecessary for my uses.

          I really like the heated cab approach. I can see how the riding season would be expanded. As it is I barely get to ride my motorcycle and it’s already darned chilly on my ATV right now. Only real drawback is money. The cab UTVs are spendy.

          The new ATVs are impressive. It’s a big change. I own a 20 year old 325cc Polaris and it hauls my fat ass around just fine. I’m rather impressed with what it can do. It’s not exciting but the only time I want “more” is when I’m working it brutally hard; like dragging logs of firewood or plowing deep snow. I test drove a basic 570 cc 2020 model Polaris Sportsman and it was an entirely different animal. It was like “are you bored? Crack the throttle and hang on; ZOOM!” Better suspension, fuel injection, nice throttle response… I knew it would be better but I didn’t expect an entire new dimension of awesome.

  6. Phil says:

    In my opinion, getting and keeping the fire going is way the hell more important than the twenty second sound bite world that goes on around us, whether we are aware of it or not.
    Oh and by the way, FUCK the EPA.
    I have had a large antique wood cookstove in storage for twenty five years just waiting to get a place with a shop big enough to put it in.
    If I’m lucky enough, that will happen here in the not too distant future.

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      Great minds think alike. I scavenged an antique woodstove and (after years of delays) installed it in my workshop. It’s the apple of my eye. (I named it Betsy and mention it on my blog from time to time.) It’s super cool to have a cooktop. You’ll like yours once it’s functional.

  7. richardcraver says:

    “Tide pod eaters have taken to pissing on spark plugs?”
    That brings back a fond memory. There was the high school friend whose parents were out of town, the same scored a case of PBR. Several beers in it seemed like a good idea to piss on the bug zapper. His independent study educated the whole school as the story spread.
    Every generation it seems engages in some sort of stupidity, as if it’s a rite of passage to test one’s mortality. Those best at it serve as learning opportunities for the rest.
    So if they want spark plugs, let them! Maybe they will post the video to Facebook!

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