Road To Portland: Part 17: Grandma Guy And The Detroit Gambit

Doogie’s dozens of purchases would be delivered to specially selected locations through a two-state region. Doogie had used the squirrel’s accounts to fund this. He hoped it would give the NSA something to chew on but not enough to catch them. During this fast and semi-random shopping spree, the Squirrels insisted on buying some CDs and more iPhones. Doogie viewed the phones with suspicion. Surely, they’d be “bugged” upon arrival, but they insisted. Since he was spending their money like a politician on crack, he could hardly complain. As for Abba; what’s the harm in music? He added those to his several Amazon and e-bay purchases (all delivered via FedEx) and shrugged off his worries.

Later in the afternoon, and from a more discrete connection, Doogie made the crowning glory of misdirection. He connected via Craigslist with a fellow who desperately wanted to get to Detroit to “visit his grandmother”. Doogie had played this perfectly. He’d reserved a U-Haul under a fifth (or was it sixth?) unrelated on-line identity (though paying with more squirrel money in the hopes that it would eventually light up someone’s detection software). He explained to “Grandma Guy” that he needed a U-Haul full of stuff driven to a specific (and randomly generated) address in Detroit. If Grandma Guy was willing to drive, he (or rather the alias of the moment) would gladly hand over the keys to the U-Haul. Doogie, explained that he wanted to drive himself but seeing as he was wheelchair bound he couldn’t and also blah blah blah. His story was as cockamamie as Grandma Guy’s. It didn’t matter. For both parties, the connection was a win.

Grandma guy elaborated that though he was recently out of prison he was turning his life around and “blah blah blah”. Doogie didn’t care. The man was obviously up to no good and U-Haul would probably never see their truck again (by which time Doogie would have canceled that specific squirrel based source of funds).

Meanwhile, Billy had returned with muddy paperwork covered in bear slobber. The contents caused both of men to pause and consider their fortunes. These levels of money were the sort that not only made dreams happen but got people killed. It clearly emanated from what they were both habitually calling “NSA hunters”. It was traceable.

Billy, always ready for a fight but reluctant to play chess with a remorseless all seeing government, wanted to walk away. This was a trap.

Doogie, confident that he was the biggest intellectual bad ass on any block, was intent on getting those funds. It would go first to the squirrels and then to themselves. Like a poker player going “all in” he added more misdirection and redoubled his ad hock money laundering activities.

If you wonder who’d give keys to a U-Haul to a perfect stranger from Craigslist, feel free to click below:


About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.

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