Dune Review

Cliffs Notes Version: Hollywood Didn’t Fuck Up: The new Dune movie is good. I know! I’m as surprised at you! I didn’t expect anything good from the wretched hive of scum and villainy (or woke and stupid) that Hollywood has become.

Somehow a miracle happened. Hollywood pulled it’s head out of its ass! It managed to make a movie that wasn’t stupid, trite, preachy, woke, repetitive, or retarded. Honestly, I’m shocked. I’d resigned myself to never seeing decent movies as an art form ever again. Dune rekindled a bit of hope. It’s the first Hollywood production in years that didn’t leave me feeling intellectually insulted and almost violated in it’s failure to deliver.

It’s a good movie. It’s actually a great movie. It’s art. It was nice to see art again!

Slightly Longer Version: The Source Material Is Superlative: Frank Herbert’s Dune is one of my favorite books. It’s excellent! I read the book back when normal people (or at least nerds like me) read books. This summer, I read it again. It had all the magic it had before. A timeless book, well written, by an author who knew his craft.

Dune is so good that it would never get published in our current dipshit world. In case you haven’t noticed, science fiction went full retard decades ago. Censored, trite, woke, groupthink held the entire genre underwater until it stopped kicking. Then it took a shit on the corpse. All that remains is stupid derivative insulting shit. Even as I reflect on the spectacular success that is this new movie, I see that its excellence is because it closely followed a book written in 1965. That’s 56 years ago! Are there equally excellent books in 2021? NO!

Like all good books, it’s a better book than a movie… and always will be. Why? Because books are better than movies. You may have a different opinion. If so, you’re wrong.

If you haven’t read the book, drop what you’re doing and read it. Yes, read. It won’t hurt you. It might do you some good. As the wise man said, “Read a book, read a book, read a  motherfucking book!

Here’s the link to the book. >>>READ THIS BOOK<<< (Amazon requires me to point out that I get a haypenny if you buy from the link. They might think my link to a 56 year old book is part of my clever plan for massive financial gain through duplicity? Now that  you’ve been informed of my fiscal biases, you can evaluate if I’m recommending it as a great book or because I’m a shitty marketer.)

Warning: Dune is meant for intelligent people. It has world building that’s epic and thoughtful. It has great arcs of time and space. It has character development. It grapples with everything from the nature of God to predestination. It’s more nuanced than “Fifty Shades of Harry Potter’s Hunger Games” or whatever other drivel publishers are currently excreting from their nether regions onto the virtual page.

Buy the book. Sit in a comfy chair. Read.

Some Minor Commentary About The Movie: Movie criticism is not my gig and I’m deliberately avoiding spoilers for those unfortunate souls who haven’t read the book (losers!). I’ll just mention a few things:

  1. It’s slow: Not slow as in plodding but slow as in proper depth for a true work of art. It’s meant to be watched by thoughtful adults. It’s going to be a hill to climb for generations who’ve been warped into chimps with the attention span of a gnat. The main characters ponder their fate, they stare off into the gorgeous landscape, the plot is given time to unfold. It’s wonderful! It’s not a 90 minute “twits in tights” superhero retread. Adjust your expectations to bask in a movie that takes its time. (As a practical note, if you see it in the theaters, don’t drink a kidney buster extra large soda in the first few minutes.)
  2. It demonstrates why CGI exists: I’m sick of special effects made for the purpose of making special effects. If I wanted to see a video game, I’d get a video game. It’s refreshing to see a movie that uses effects to enhance storytelling and not cover up the lack of plot.
  3. You should have read the book but if you didn’t it’s OK: If you read the book, you’ll better appreciate the movie. However, the movie is perfectly understandable to a person who didn’t read the book. I’m impressed they managed that. One of many failings of the Lynch Dune movie of 1984 is that David Lynch tried to cover too much. I liked it well enough but viewers of the ignorant and sad variety who hadn’t read the source material (losers!) were completely baffled. They probably focused on Sting prancing around like a skinny gay weirdo and dismissed the rest. The modern effort benefits from years of Hollywood generating “series”. They took half the book and ditched it. Lynch didn’t have that option. Thus, the new movie has time to properly explore the first half rather than a race to check all the boxes in a very deep plot.
  4. It just ends: The book is huge. It covers massive arcs or time, plot, worldbuilding, and thoughtfully staring at sand wondering what it all means. One movie to cover it all would be either abridged or confusing. (Sorry Lynch, you tried.) There’s no perfect place to stop, so they did their best. It’s fine. It couldn’t go on forever and I like where they stopped. It’s a bit jarring if you thought need a conclusion that wraps it all up with a bow. I like it. Life doesn’t wrap up with a bow either. Well done!
  5. The soyboy did well: Paul Atreides is a young man still developing his skills but also a Duke’s son and a Bene Gesserit genetic timebomb. Destined, trained, and literally bred for a vicious society, he is an spiritual, physical, and mental warrior. Paul is written as if he can beat you at chess while sliding a knife in your back. He can kick your ass in a fight using the Weirding Way or simply because he was raised for a world where the son of a Duke may be assassinated on any given Tuesday. He can pilot a craft, manipulate minds, probe the future, and fight like a spell casting death machine. The plot foreshadows his ultimate fate as the Kwisatz Haderach; tragically destined to unleash war upon all living things. For this mighty role, they cast Timothée Hal Chalamet. Chalamet looks as imposing as a newborn kitten. I’ve taken shits that look tougher than that boy! I expected the worst. However, Mr. Chalamet somehow pulled it off. It had to be acting because it sure wasn’t physical presence. Well done sir! (Note: The movie doesn’t mention Paul’s Mentat abilities. A wise choice as it was unnecessary to the story in this form.)
  6. Chani was miscast but didn’t ruin the movie: Keep a muzzle on her! Chani Kynes is supposed to be a fully realized Fremen; a night stalking, worm riding, desert dwelling, killer nomad. She’s meant to be so awesome that she can be the future concubine of the Kwisatz Haderach. For this weighty role, they cast some dipshit called Zendaya. Zendaya has one name; like Cher, or Oprah, or dogshit. She’s beautiful and can stare with smoky intensity… which is all she seems capable of doing. Thank God, they only gave her a few lines! Because she did so little, she was adequate. When they make Part 2, they need to hire a team of acting coaches and outfit Zendaya with a shock collar set on electrocute. By keeping keeping her screen time more on the level of a model than an actor, they kept the movie solid. For Part 2, they’ll have to stick with it. Zendaya won’t level up in screen presence. If they give her too much work she’s going to be a trash can painted in the background of the Mona Lisa.
  7. Big screen? Meh: Everyone says “watch it on the big screen to experience the full glory”. I think they’re repeating an old wisdom that has faded. It made sense when people were trying to watch Laurence of Arabia on a 15″ RCA with color washout. Times have changed. Your household TV is better than what a millionaire would have in 1980. Also, you can pause to take a leak if you were dumb enough to drink a big gulp in the opening credits.
  8. The score was excellent: It was weird and gorgeous. I have no idea who did the music but they went all out. It’s like they bred a bagpipe with a Theremin, fed an opera singer some LSD, and then dropped them both out of a plane. They probably recorded the whole thing backwards and underwater. It was eerie when it needed to be eerie, resplendent when it need to be resplendent, and imposing when it needed to smack the visuals down a bit. Perfect!
  9. I have nothing more to say: Stop reading my dumb blog and go watch it. Also, READ THE BOOK!

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

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6 Responses to Dune Review

  1. Mack505 says:

    Re: Dune could never be published today. It was originally published by Chilton’s (the car manual people) because the big sci-fi houses didn’t want it. Rumor is that the editor who bought it lost his job. . .

  2. Eric Wilner says:

    A haypenny? I’ve heard of wheat pennies, and ha’pennies, but not hay pennies. (Yeah, being pedantic. Good content somehow attracts pedants. Go figure.)
    I suppose I should re-read Dune sometime – got the book and various sequels around here somewhere; I was notably unimpressed with the later sequels – and maybe I’ll see the movie eventually. Contiguous blocks of free time are in short supply nowadays.

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      A haypenny is an informal way to say ha’penny which refers to a “half penny”. Here’s a photo. I think the brits had half pennies but Americans didn’t. (In both nations fiat currency did what fiat currency always does and so there’s no need for such a coin. In the US, a dollar is worth far less than a dime and I’m not entirely sure why it’s even worth that.) In Portugal, I had a handful of “half escudo” coins. At the time an escudo was about 1/180th of a dollar. So, I had coins worth 1/360th of a dollar. I wish I’d gathered them by the pound! They’re all gone now, swallowed by the EU an the Euro. I miss them. I remember hearing the logic of the EU. By chaining a dozen countries into a single fate and locating it at Brussels everything would be cheap and awesome. At the time it sounded like bullshit and I haven’t changed my opinion. That was so long ago America had 50 states instead of one planned economy with a potato at the helm. I think too much about coins.

      Dune’s a good book and time spent reading is well used. I find that the crazier the world gets the less free time I have but also a great deal of that stuff that fills my time is bullshit I could ignore. Social media, the press, government expansion… it all tries to keep the serfs in a froth. Whenever I just say “fuck it” and read a book I find that whatever I didn’t do in that time probably didn’t actually need doing anyway. Soon, if I get shitcanned from my job, I may have even more free time.

      One warning, don’t be an idiot like me and read the second book of Dune alone, in the dark, by a fire, on a moonless night. If you’re going to choose that setting, pick a lighter topic. Mark Twain may have made me giggle but Frank Herbert made me want to step into the fire. I’m just sayin’.

  3. JFM says:

    I was amazed that Hollywood could make a non comic book movie that I liked. Whoever put this movie together must have hated the first one as much as me! Only one thing annoyed me and it’s so small that I feel stupid thinking about it. It’s the ornithopters. They look fantastic, but the windows on the inside were all “yellowed” out. I kept trying to see through them. There, I feel stupid again.

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      I figured that was the sand on the widows obscuring the view. I didn’t much care for ‘thopters in the book as they seemed like a bad design choice. This movie made them seen quite believable.

  4. SiGraybeard says:

    I’m with you. I read the original trilogy back in the late ’70s. Read the books! Read all three! Then, after the ’84 movie, I read the next three books. The series is epic in time and space, with a deep and convoluted plot. One easy example, it takes pains to explain the ways royalty was assassinated and the plots behind the throne, whether by chaumurky (poison), blade, or hunter seeker. The book can’t go into the depths the movie does because the books take hours to read and give the characters’ deep thoughts.

    In the opening minutes, before the Atreides family leaves their home world for Arakis, there’s a scene where Paul walks along a tidal pool, then crouches, puts his hand in the water and obviously looks at and feels the water. You can almost read him thinking, “water! will I ever see and feel water like this again?” If you understand the book. Otherwise you either don’t notice the scene or think, “why TF did they waste screen time showing him putting his hand in water?”

    I would say the same thing for Jason Mamoa as you do for Zendaya. In most of his movies, he’s good for dark, brooding stares. In Dune, he makes a good Duncan Idaho, one of my favorite characters from the books.

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