Filthie (who I read every day and you should too) recently mentioned his desire for a coffee percolator. This is one of my favorite topics! I’m sick of bullshit and pearl clutching Covid ninnies, so I decided to riff off of Filthie’s coffee meanderings. I hope he doesn’t mind.
I have a percolator so my life is complete. You can have one too. Here’s the Curmudgeon way to find your coffee happy place.
Step 1: Completely abandon society.
Just say “fuck it”. Take a good look at every dumb thing out there and mutter “not my circus, not my monkeys”.
Then fire up whatever vehicle you’ve got and go to where you need to be. Trucks, motorcycles, ATVs, horses, snowmobiles, reindeer, hovercraft, boats, canoes, and teleportation are all reasonable ways to get there. Walk if you have to.
It’s a proven fact. Coffee tastes better while camping.
Step 2: Gather wood.
This is recreation coffee! This is not “slurp it on your way to the rat race” coffee. Therefore, it must be heated on something that puts soot on the percolator. That means “no propane, no electricity”. Say it with the tone Leon uses to say “no women, no kids.”
Ideally, use a Sequoia you felled with a stone axe. In the interest of reasonableness we must allow exceptions. If I’m in a State Park, I use pallet wood. I always carry a trash can of pallet wood in my truck. I’m that classy!
Step 3: Light (and contain!) a fire.
Ideally you’d make a 6′ diameter bonfire surrounded by a self built mini-Stonehenge. However, campgrounds frown on it. Also this whole summer had ridiculously high fire danger and nuking nature through carelessness is poor form.
I use and recommend a Redcamp Wood Burning Folding Camp Stove. (The cretins at Amazon require I explicitly state that I get a tiny kickback if you buy from this link. I have no idea how any human made it this far without knowing how Amazon links work but it is what it is. Yes, I get a tuppence if you buy from the link. However, it’s a product I like and recommend because I’ve used the hell out of mine and been pleased. I also promise to squander my massive theoretical profits on more campouts.)
Ideally the folding firebox got there while strapped to the front of a motorcycle. I’m a reasonable man, so a Dodge will do in a pinch.
Step 4: Spend hours relaxing.
Park your ass in nature and enjoy. Pretend that coating the percolator in soot is your calling in life. (Maybe it is!) Brew several pots of coffee. If possible, mix it with whiskey. (Skip that last step if you’re going to be sailing, hunting, trail riding, or doing advanced math in the near future.)
Here’s a photo from a campout this summer. Is that not a vision of heaven?
I too have a percolator, and several cans of cardboard steeped with various fats and wax and perhaps a touch of kerosene for when I am at scout camp and the wood is wet. These cans, with the plastic tops like what you get with store-bought frosting, or Folgers coffee, are perfect fire-starters and part of my camping kit. Which, there’s a running joke I take (willingly) from one of the other scout leaders, who thinks my coffee is cheap and disgusting and I am a regular barbarian for dumping a cup of Folgers into a percolator brewing only perhaps 4 cups of water. But I learned to drink coffee as a teen from my grandfather, who spent from 1939 until 1945 working two shifts per day building ships. Then I joined the Navy (seemed fitting) and learned the proper strength of coffee from grizzled Chiefs who went to sea for six months and lived on no more than 2 hours of sleep at a time.
Ever have one of those times when the perfect retort is right at hand, purely an ad-lib, and for hours afterword you’re sort of patting yourself on the back for it? It has only happened twice in my life, and both times with coffee.
At breakfast, at a bed-and-breakfast, where the chef thought fruit cups and kale to be washed down with goat’s milk was a proper way to start the day. I brewed my own on the front porch.
My Good wife: “Are you addicted to coffee?”
Me: “I don’t know. I’ve never run out.”
At scout camp, with the above gourmet coffee peer:
Gourmet Scout Leader: “Man, why do you drink that swill?”
Me: “For my health.”
Gourmet Scout Leader: “Dude, you’ve never even washed that cup! The inside looks like a coal mine! How can that possibly be good for your health?”
“Because I’m too pretty to die in prison for murder.”
Honestly, I feel sorry for people who don’t drink coffee. They wake up in the morning, and that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.
– Max
👍👍👍👍👍👍
Bonus marks for the setting and background too…
I want to ask about the TW 200 I see in the background. I am considering one for trail riding, but I am concerned it won’t have enough power for steep hills, I had a KLR 650 and it was barely capable sometimes, though I thing the previous owner changed the sprocket to make it more fuel efficient. I’m about 230 lbs. What are your thoughts?
I’m biased because I have a TW200. It suits me very well. However, I have different goals than many other riders.
I don’t think lack of power is going to matter on any but the steepest hills at very high elevation (it’s carbureted). If you’re trying to blast up a sand dune at 9,000′ the 200cc engine is going to run low on air and be a bit doggy. It’ll probably do it anyway but the TW isn’t happy with high RMP maneuvers. On the other hand, the bike is all torque and so if you ride it like a torque machine it will tractor up almost anything. If your riding style matches the machine you’ll find it nearly unstoppable. If you’re happy grinding up a hill at slow speed it’ll be great. It’ll chug up almost any reasonable hill with almost amazing lack of drama. (Unless you’re at 10K’ elevation.) It’s unlike a “normal” dirt bike which must keep the RPM high or it runs out of grunt.
In terms of load carrying, the TW is also different from almost all other dirt bikes. I wouldn’t worry about a 230 pound rider. I’m not a light guy either. The bike doesn’t seem to notice my weight. It’s a low HP, lotsa’ torque, huge tired, farm implement so your weight will not matter to the TW. If you install racks, the TW can basically carry as much cargo as you strap to it. It’s like a mule that way. You could probably strap a mule to it. It will not go fast but it handles weight like a boss. I travel heavy and have tested this theory. I carry ten times as much junk strapped to my bike as a “normal” rider. That’s because I’m very often far from anyone else and must rely on my own equipment at all times.
I would think the TW is absolutely perfect for someone who rides alone and wants to be able to go basically anywhere with a machine so simple/reliable that it’s nearly unstoppable. That includes hills that you can tractor up but not ones you need to scream up… like a fluffy high altitude sand dune. If you ride in a group, the TW is going to be slow. You’ll lag behind more “modern” bikes.
Four months ago I wrote a post that links to two videos discussing the pros and cons of the unique little TW. The post is here. I spend a lot of my time comparing the TW to non-motorcycles; ATVs, UTVs, snowmobiles, and even the completely ridiculous Argo. It’s that unique. One warning, if you’re a solo rider like me, the TW can get you far far far out there surprisingly quickly. FortNine says it well “On a bike that never falters, it’s easy to get caught way out there.” That’s why I “explore” while carrying lots of survival / extraction gear. I also recommend the TW for a solo or more mellow rider. If you like to travel in packs with a gaggle of screaming fast dirtbikes it’s not for you. A reviewer (not me) said it as “The TW is the perfect bike for the beginner or the individualist that just rides at their own pace.” Ride at your own pace is key. Incidentally, that doesn’t mean just crawling around, it’s a very fun bike. Most owners agree that it’s a hoot. But it’ll never win a race.
I hope that helps.
P.S. The bike is very capable right out of the box but if you’re a hill climbing dirt rider type… swap out the OEM front tire the day you buy it and air down both tires. The improvement is huge! It’s easy, cheap, and well worth it.
Thanks!