Lesbian Activist Squirrel Update: I’m Apparently The Worst Marketer Ever

“You are the worst marketer ever! You’re like the guys that invented New Coke mixed with whomever cancelled Firefly.”

Ouch. That hurt.

The commanding voice was hard to ignore. It was my friend, very occasional blog author, and frequent (though constructive) critic, Dr. Mingo. He continued.

“You crank up interest in your Activist Lesbian Squirrels story and then, just when I start paying attention and it’s getting good, it drops off the planet. Then I get interested in your homesteading shit, and then you’ll drop that to talk squirrels.”

“Well…” I hesitated. I have no excuse. He was right.

“And nine posts about a two-minute eclipse everyone forgot about last month? Plus, who the hell cares about Bonnie Tyler. Isn’t she dead?”

“I’m a polymath?”

“No, you’re a blogger who lacks focus. What happened to the squirrel story?”

I tapped a few keys on my laptop. “Chapter five had a dozen posts between July 31st and August 10th.”

“And since then?”

“It hasn’t been long.”

“Look at the calendar.”

Shit! No squirrel posts for five weeks. Time really does fly.

Mingo didn’t wait for my inevitable lame excuse. “Finish the fucking squirrels.”

“Yeah, sooner or later I’ll…”

“Get serious and type it out. You had time off work last week, did you write?”

“I went squirrel hunting.”

“IS THERE NO END TO YOUR IRONY?!?”

“I’ll say, the little fuckers eluded me at every tree. I had pizza for dinner instead of tree rat. I still need a better air rifle scope…”

“God dammit, complete the story!” Mingo interrupted.

“Meh.”

“Now!”

My dog was nodding, as if in agreement. That changed things. If my dog and Mingo were in agreement I’d better do some writing.

“OK, how about a few more posts?” I capitulated.

“Ugh… fine. I’d rather it all at once but at least keep moving. Wait a minute, is this because of your damn dog?”

“I’m putting this on my blog.” I tried to change the subject.

“The dog is not sentient!”

“Gotta’ go. I feel like cutting plywood in my shop.”

“Keyboard first, bandsaw later. Focus!”

With that he hung up.

I’m not promising focus but there will be more squirrels. In a few days. Probably.

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.

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16 Responses to Lesbian Activist Squirrel Update: I’m Apparently The Worst Marketer Ever

  1. abnormalist says:

    Last monday I had a serious case or the “I want to be somewhere else” while I was at work. A case that was only curable, well by being somewhere else.

    Took the afternoon off to go squirrel hunting. Tree rats died, good! My game bag leaked blood all over my work khakis, bad 🙁

    Bugs werent bad, sky was blue, and tree rats died. And I didnt even have to use my AK.

    • Tennessee Budd says:

      I do the same with motorcycles; then, when I (finally, many unnecessary miles later) get home, I can hunt. Not now, though: 90+ degrees isn’t squirrel-hunting weather. We might get a bit by December.

    • richardcraver says:

      AK and tree rats? Well the khakis will be OK, but your hat may get the fallout from the red mist.
      Reminds me of a hunting prairie dogs with a .308 video. https://youtu.be/2b7UaHFosnU

  2. Rich in NC says:

    You are a GREAT marketer. Don’t listen to naysayers. You are like the cashier in the chocolate candy commercial putting only one candybar in the counter box at a time (making the customer think that he is getting the very last one available). Keep us guessing. Death to squirrels and broken tractors.
    Rich in NC

  3. Phssthpok says:

    “IS THERE NO END TO YOUR IRONY?!?”

    Is the no end to HIS?:

  4. You know why your dog wants lesbian squirrels? It’s because you took away his piglet doll. He’s pissed.

    https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kfP73E40L6o/WckRH368BjI/AAAAAAAA-10/4-j7QkxZxywX4azvkxrzWKBHylUcLAOewCLcBGAs/s640/awwwwwww.gif

  5. You state what Dr. Mingo knows…..then here it is how many days later and??? No Squirrels , no nothing. When you post your stuff is VERY good ! ! Probably could do a book if you ever wanted to…and actually followed through. But…….days go by. Nada

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