Adaptive Curmudgeon

[I’ve been ill. It sucked but I’m getting better. For a while I lost mental capacity. I’m not saying I was brain dead (though it’s been said). It’s just that I couldn’t do much creative writing, or concentrate on a good book, or even just… “think”. Pain will do that to ya’. I wonder if the lack of mental reflection that vexed me so is the normal state for a lot of otherwise healthy (perhaps NPC-ish) humans? Anyway, just as the first thing to go was mental so too is its welcome return. I’m dying to get out there and tramp around the forest but the body heals slower than the mind… at least in this case. I fret at the rapidly expended summertime. I fume at my lack of camping and motorcycles and sailing. But, it is what it is. Rather than curse the darkness, I lit a candle. I’ve found some solace in mental activities. That’s where today’s post got its start.]

Y’all know I’ve only owned a 3D printer for 6 months. I’m pretty much a total n00b. On the other hand I’ve been working that fun little gadget like a rented mule and learning as fast as I can. There was a brief hiatus when I was well and truly out of commission, but recently I dusted off the ignored nerd-tech and thought “what now”?

Indeed, a machine that can do anything is a bit of a cypher. Since it can do anything, it’s up to you to define it’s purpose in your. I suppose the same could be said of many things; a metal lathe, a nice set of chisels, etc…

I’m old enough to remember when the first computers priced within consumer levels came on the scene. Their use was obvious in factories and accountant’s offices, but what do you do with one in your living room.

I miss those days. Back before computers became human control devices and the masses became marionettes on a social media string. But I digress.

For my 3D printer I decided my new personal stretch (?) goal would be to make 3d prints that work with electronics. Make an object that does stuff.

I’m not the first to think of such a thing. But I’m not a fan of soldering irons and circuit boards, so where to go from there? Bambulab, one of many sellers of 3D printers (and the one that has me firmly in it’s laser sights) practically read my mind.

They’d set the intellectual trap before I even wandered down the path. They called it Cyberbrick and the only reason I didn’t already have “it” was that they sold out immediately. Well played Bambulab!

“Cyberbrick” is Bambulab’s pre-packaged array of electronic bits; mini-boards with various features (including Bluetooth connectivity), solderless connectors, motors, gears, the electronic innards of controls, tiny LED lights, switches, rechargeable batteries, tiny little levers, etc… Highly refined crack to addict my nerd mind!

As part of their pre-launch efforts, Bambulab invited their willing cadre of mad-scientists (some sponsored and some not) to take this package of “stuff” and 3d print for it housings and mountings and so forth. Thus, people smarter than I turned “pile of parts” into “thing of interest”. Sweet!

Bambulab and their mad-scientist fanboys began posting “projects”. Free downloadable files guiding the creation of the 3d printed portion of the equation; often coupled with excellent documentation (sometimes you-tube videos too).

I wanted in on the fun!

There could be no more attractive lure to troll in front of a Curmudgeon. And the timing was (is?) perfect. There I was, gradually getting my feet under myself and looking for a 3d based intellectual distraction. Bambulab didn’t just set the hook, they harpooned my psyche and reeled me in!

I present to you: Cyberbrick. (It’s nestled into Babmulab’s “MakerWorld” environment. I don’t think you need a login to see it, but I’m not sure of that.)

Go ahead and click it. You know you want to.

One last note, Cyberbrick itself is nothing more than a pile of parts. You could (if you’re a friggin’ genius or very experienced) do the same thing with “off the shelf” bits. Lots of clever folks could do the same thing with a Raspberry Pi or an Arduino; design 3d components, mount tiny electronic bits, go nuts with a soldering iron, etc… I’m nowhere near that level; there are folks with enough inventive gumption to make Tony Stark look like a wimp and I salute them!

The way to think of Cyberbrick is as a beginner’s start. It’s the free hit of dopamine that will slowly ease you from a guy 3d printing model trains or decorative cupholders onto the path of full blown electronic wizardry. (None of this is mandatory. Some folks can enjoy the edges of the ocean without diving in… and go right back to printing toys and tchotchkes. That’s OK, it’s a free world.) As for me, I started with pencil boxes and little boxes but I’m well aware the rabbit hole goes deeper. Cyberbrick let me go down the rabbit hole (a little bit) without requiring a big dramatic swan dive!

Some notes:

• You don’t need a Bambulab 3d printer, you need any 3d printer.
• Cyberbrick totally eliminates soldering.
• Cyberbrick has pre-programmed software for your gadget. (Or you can program for yourself in a Python variant.)
• Much of what you put into a project can later be taken back out. You can use the bits in a different project. (Though that didn’t work out for me. Once I built my first gadget I fell in love with it and won’t tear it down now.)
• Don’t like the projects Bambulab is pushing? Choose any of the many that associated creatives have posted. They’re all free (as far as I know). Or design your own.
• One possible “ultimate level up” in this “game” is to design some 3d “object” that’s so damn cool that people want it, and then post it on MakerWorld. (MakerWorld has some sort of kickback mechanism to encourage such things.)

More will be coming. Please be patient I’m not really up to posting daily for a while.

A.C.

P.S. In case you’re wondering, I don’t get jack squat from Bambulab (or from MakerWorld). In case you’re with Bambulab or MakerWorld, shoot me some samples please!

Civilization is not spread evenly. The Sistine Chapel is a masterpiece. Yet it was built in a world where much of humanity lived in mud huts. Don’t get cocky; some people still live in mud huts.

Nor is civilization evenly distributed across time. A lot of people assume everything inevitably “progresses” forward; upward and better. This is an incorrect assumption made by folks who have seen nothing else. Anyone who’s experienced mud huts in real-time is not so dismissive of modern comforts and will happily struggle to keep the lights on.

Civilization ebbs and flows. It mirrors the society which fosters or erodes it. Society reflects the character of its people. None of this implies things must get better or can’t get worse. Nor are you limited to the level of the society in which you’re stuck. A life lived well can and should be independent of the masses.

Chuck Mangione died this week. He produced this song in 1979. I remember hearing it on the radio. I lived in a world where this song was popular, commercially successful, and performed (or broadcast) to willing audiences.

Cardi B is still among us. She produced this in 2020. I remember hearing it on the radio. I live in a world where this song was popular, commercially successful, and performed (or broadcast) to willing audiences. S0 do you.

I apologize for exposing y’all to Cardi B. I wanted to make a point that 41 years forward in time doesn’t guarantee (or even imply) 41 years forward in civilization. The songs I picked are just an example. It’s not a perfect representation. If I wanted to play devil’s advocate I could’ve picked the best of 2025 and compare it to the worst of 1979… but I know damn well it would be a harder search.

When I first heard WAP on the radio I was shocked. Here’s the funny part, I wasn’t shocked by a woman in heat chanting about her vagina; good lord there’s no indecency left unexplored (not necessarily just in rap, pretty much anything on any media is awash in perversion). The thing that hit me was that people listened to that crap voluntarily.

To me, it’s almost painfully bad. It’s objectively… crap. I don’t like exposing myself to it. I wouldn’t rub dogshit on my face, why listen to Cardi B?

Anyway, when someone (often tied to politics) is telling you “progress” must go forward they’re fools. It’s a two way street and always has been.

The good news is that society can go in the tank or fly to the stars and that has nothing to do with you. You may improve or you may degrade… it’s a journey you take alone. The collective’s failings and strengths will reflect in the state of civilization at that particular time and place but if it all goes to shit you can (and should) choose to disengage.

The trick is knowing when you’re in the Sistine Chapel and when you’re rubbing dog shit on your face. Once you figure that out, you can shake it off and walk toward the light.

Good luck y’all.

I’ve been happily distracting myself with my 3d printer. One thing about additive printing is that the top layer of the object* can have funky textures as an artifact of printing. (i.e. The object was printed in a zillion little lines, the lines can make the very top layer of the object’s “layer cake” creation took weird.) This isn’t usually a structural issue, just a cosmetic one.

I was making a print that I wanted to look “pretty”. It had a big flat top so here’s what I did to “spiff it up”:

I delved into “top layer ironing”. The Bambu Studio slicer software (and most of the equivalent slicers I could use) has “ironing” settings. These tell the slicer to perform differently on the top layers. It slows things down, but only on the top layers (you might have as few as one or two top layers so it’s potentially worth it).

In the Bambu Studio software load your objects. Then go into “Quality”. Scroll down to “Ironing”, select “Top surfaces” for ironing type and then you’re stuck choosing details about 5 possible parameters. I selected “rectilinear” as the “Ironing pattern” but after that I was out of knowledge.

I needed to indicate “Ironing speed” (obviously this is the speed of the print head but only during the very top surface) and “Ironing flow” (again the flow for the top layer only). I had no idea what to do.

So I downloaded a “test object”. (I found it here.) Someone who’s more experienced than me created a 5 x 5 grid of little flat surfaces (about 1/2″ square). For each square the designer specified a % flow and mm speed. It’s setup with 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 % and the same increments for mm. Thus, a complete sample of all possible options. I would call this an “orthogonal” sample but I’m not sure if that’s the right vocabulary anymore.

The difference between the little 1/2″ squares is very small. More a matter of feel than vision. I selected 30% and 40 mm (it’s circled in marker in the image). The object I made with these settings came out very nice. YMMV.

All in all it was a nice little “science experiment”. I wound up learning how to calibrate my own printer with whatever filament I’ve loaded under whatever conditions I was printing. That’s what I like about 3d printing. It felt good to use real world experimentation rather than just assuming some authority has determined the perfect setting in all situations.

Here’s what my “test” looks like:

A.C.

*The very bottom layer of your object will have a texture determined mostly by the plate upon which you extruded the object. Mine look awesome (at least to my untrained eye). You can buy a zillion plates with a zillion textures (and other features). So far my default OEM plate has served me very well and I haven’t needed or tried other plates.

[Y’all know I’ve been busy with some shit. Here’s a video of my day.]

Idiocracy is like a mirror. What you are has a lot to do with what you see in it. So too with society. Observe this sign I noticed a week ago.

Shit happens. Bakeries catch fire. I get it.

This sign is earnest and truthful. Vastly more informative than any news program!

On the other hand, it looks like it was scrawled by a monkey. Nobody expects Shakespeare on a hastily posted sign, but I’d be pretty embarrassed to post something like this. I’d at least try for decent penmanship. I’d also try hard to not misspell anything. Then again that would be “inconvince”.

Here’s a different example.

It was at a much snootier locale, a coffee shop (the natural habitat of woke overeducated unemployable trustafarians). You’d expect improved penmanship and grammar. (It feels like you need at least a few year’s graduate school to be a barista.) As expected, the sign is well written, informative, and concise. Well done.

On the other hand, did we as a society overindulge in grammar education when we really need plumbers? (BTW: I’ve done a lot of “homeowner plumbing”. It’s not rocket science, but it is a skill one must develop. I can do some plumbing but not all plumbing.)

Are all bets off when the plumbing fails onto an electrical system? Maybe. Maybe not? I’ve had similar “homeowner scale” issues. It wasn’t the end of the world. I just killed the power at the breaker, and then (in an abundance of caution) I shut down the whole damn building. (Better safe than sorry.) I fixed the plumbing as well as I could, cleaned up the mess, and then figured out what circuits were safe to energize and which ones needed a pro (those circuits stayed dead until a pro arrived!). I’m not great at “repairing shit”, but I can do a lot more than nothing. (If I was truly skilled I’d charge $100 an hour like a real pro.)

Here’s a third sign I found.

Proper spelling (if you assume “4” and “for” are equivalent), concise and to the point, easy to read. I’d give it an A- but I’m dropping it to a B because “4” ain’t “for”. (Yes, I used “ain’t”; it’s my blog and I can abuse the language with full knowledge of what I’m doing.)

A second pen (possibly a second person) added details. I’ll take it!

A quick notice about a breakdown in the system followed after the fact by true information (presumably) explaining what went wrong. I’ll crank my score back up to an A-.

I wish news media could provide true data as follow up to unexpected events. It’s not that hard. CNN are you listening?

Let’s not go overboard with my little observations. Three signs about closed businesses doesn’t mean the end of the world. Unexpected events happen. That’s life. A sign taped on a door is better than a locked door with no explanation. I think of it as civilization clutching at the edge rather than fallen into the abyss.

What about the lack of electricians and plumbers? Is that the sign of a doom loop? Probably not. There’s been a shortage of skilled labor since labor got skilled.

As for literacy? Even the first sign, which looks like it was scrawled on a wall, conveys what needs conveying. It implies that any consumer (like me) could read the sign. I optimistically think it shows we’ve got near 100% literacy. That much of our literacy is at the 4th grade level isn’t the best news; but you already knew you lived in Idiocracy.

[I’ve been distracted lately (by undisclosed or at least only vaguely explained bullshit). In the interest of gradually and incrementally crawling out from under one of life’s necessary but annoying rocks, I’m making a low key post about a recent project. Go easy on me folks…]

In 2021, I went to the dark side. I bought a Dewalt electric chainsaw. I was embarrassed that it wasn’t a gas saw.

At the time, I considered battery powered saws to be whiny vegan nerd gadgets for doing half-assed, half jobs in nature-free suburbs. I might as well put on a tutu! But time changes and opinions must keep up with the energy density of batteries.

Also, there’s the matter of efficiency. My beefy two stroke saw is too much hassle for small jobs. I found myself unmotivated to lug gas and oil and yank start a roaring spastic death-saw for every ten minute job. Over time, the big saw seems to get fueled and started only when I’ll be working it several hours at least.

…a tool should match its job. Fail to do that and you’re choosing romanticism over efficiency. My real saw is a boat anchor for small time tasks. Sometimes a shovel is handier than a bulldozer.

The little saw impresses me. It punches well above its weight class! I bought a pruning saw (I playfully call it “chainsaw on a stick”) too. However, a stick mounted micro saw is overspecialized. It works for its purpose but I don’t use it very much.

The little chainsaw is a winner. It bounces around in my tractor bucket while I’m doing other shit. If I encounter incidental limbs or whatnot, I grab it from the bucket and the little saw chews through stuff like a chihuahua on crack. Then I toss it back in the bucket to be ignored for days or weeks. Brilliant!

Also, it’s a camping BEAST! Trust me on this, if you “car camp” or as YouTube influencers say “overland” you need a little electric saw. A nearly silent little electric chainsaw can hack up an ass-load of campfire wood without pissing anyone off with the sound. It’s much faster than my old bow saw. Toss a little electric saw in your truck and you’ll never want for firewood again (barring legal shit like National Park campgrounds).

I flogged the little saw mercilessly. By 2024 I’d done no damage other than breaking the housing on one of my batteries (and I nuked a few chains). That’s about as reliable as one could ever hope. I’m impressed!

The battery broke from being tossed around in my tractor bucket, not from overwork.

I set out to buy a new battery at a local box store. I lost my shit over the price!

By Crom’s throbbing nutsack I’m not dropping a c-note on a battery the size of a potato!

The box store was stupidly expensive. I sought to buy a two pack of 20v 5 Amp Dewalt batteries from Amazon which wasn’t cheap but less of a kick in the nuts.

Then, as now, I noticed an anomaly:

For reasons that make no sense you can get a two pack WITH CHARGER for SLIGHTLY LESS? I have no idea why.

Adding a charger reduces cost? WHY?!? It’s madness! It’s marketing gone beyond any semblance of logic! It’s an affront to economics, dignity, and the concept of reality… but it’s true. You’ll save $20 by buying two batteries AND a charger over the cost of just two batteries.

If anyone reading is from Dewalt… explain this to me. Use small words!

Last year I didn’t see generic non-Dewalt batteries. Now, in 2025, there are knockoffs. Dewalt deserves this for doing stupid shit like charging more for NOT getting a charger.  The knock offs are cheaper and they look real close to the original… but I doubt it’s true. It’s like saying “this pill looks like that pill, I’m sure the chemicals are identical so I’ll take them”.

I’ve had bad luck with knock off batteries from China. They might be the same as name brand. They might not. YMMV.

On the other hand, I had no qualms about buying a cheap Chinese knock off “box” and cramming the still functioning Dewalt components in the box. Which is exactly what I did.

Check my post for a step by step guide. I yanked the Dewalt components out of the trashed housing and cramming them into a cheap knock off housing. It’s not rocket surgery.

The knock off housing (at the time) cost $12.32. It’s no longer listed and I don’t recommend it anyway. It was made of the shittiest plastic imaginable. If it was any flimsier it would have arrived as dust.

But it did work… for about a year. Last month I broke the housing. This time it broke everywhere.

I fully expected cells themselves to wear down or the electronic board to short out. Not yet. I just broke the housing. I’m very impressed by what 20volts/5amp-hours can do.

Since it was broke, should I toss the battery cells? They’ve outlasted the OEM case and a rip off junker case, time to give up?

Hell no!

Last December I bought a 3d printer. I am officially a big bad maker of things.

First I tried to print a replacement following a free design I found on the ‘net somewhere. My only investment was a buck of filament and some time. Oh… and you need $500 worth of printer, filament switching hardware, filament, and the knowledge to use it. So it’s either “almost free” or “just over $500” depending on your point of view.

If that’s not an allegory for life I don’t know what is!

The free design sucked! I expected it to suck and printed it in cheap PLA just to see what would happen. The build looked ok but it cracked. I don’t mind. That’s why our language has the word “prototype”.

A broke “prototype” is just a lesson learned.

I could improve things by altering the slicer settings but there was a fatal flaw. The object I’d made didn’t fit right. That’s a deal killer! This housing design was close but inadequate.

I gave up and bought a more carefully made design.

Did you hear what I said? I paid money for information. Folks have been awash in bullshit so long they forget that true knowledge is worth real money.

Ponder where that leads us as a society. There are people with $50,000 in student loans debts over an education in “advanced navel gazing” with a return on investment of jack squat. Simultaneously online folks will fret over $15 for a 3d print model that’s exactly what they need.

Fifty large for bullshit or $15 for knowledge of value. Such choices abound.

I paid for knowledge that is useful and was happy to do so. Shouldn’t anyone?

I printed the new model using PETG filament. Without going into detail PETG is a step up from the simplest 3D printing filament (PLA). It only adds a few bucks per spool. It’s stronger, tougher, supposedly more resistant to temperature, and otherwise more awesome… but it’s still reasonably easy to use.

I have some exotic filaments. Carbon fiber infused PETG. TPU for AMS (which was lame). Real 95A TPU. Etc… I haven’t mastered those materials yet and don’t need them for a simple battery housing anyway.

I changed slicer settings too. I went to 100% infill. I altered orientation to make the least overhang but I also used supports. In retrospect I could have chosen a “stronger” orientation at the risk of more bullshit with supports. Life has trade offs.

The image below has a lot of nerd in it. The supports are hollow “trees”. The white stuff is PLA “interface” between the PETG object and the PETG support… meaning it breaks apart easily. The 100% infill consumes more filament but it seemed worthwhile on a thin object that’ll get used hard. The result seemed pretty tough.

I chose stupid colors because I wanted to use up the last of a spool on the small half of the job. Also who gives a shit about colors on a chainsaw battery? Actually I do. After I started, I found a spool of PETG clear translucent… I wish I’d used that. A translucent battery housing would have looked cool.

I don’t know how much the filament cost. I’m guessing about $5 total? That includes the PLA sacrificed as a prototype.

Lastly I chose a design with through bolts instead of screws that grind into the housing. This differs from OEM and is almost certainly stronger.

In the pictures you can see the 3d print lines. This is something generally minimized or avoided but it’s only cosmetic. It has nothing to do with the strength of a work tool.

I have a shitload of tiny metric bolts for 3d printing and smugly assumed I’d be set. Alas, I had none of the right size. I paid $8 total for four bolts and four nuts and the little hex key at my local store. Considering the size of the tiny bolts, $8 is obscene! Then again it’s a miracle I found them for sale at the local hardware store. Also, I like to throw money their way. Just as I value knowledge, I value my local hardware store. They’ve been ever so helpful for years. They’ve earned the right to rake me over the coals if I want to buy obscure tiny metric threaded hardware on a Sunday.

Final assembly was trivially easy. The results are better than the Chinese knock off housing, and (if you ignore the ugly colors I chose) it’s basically identical to the OEM product. When (not if but when) I break the next battery, I’m all set to “fix” that one too.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Happy 3D printing y’all.

How does one say something and nothing simultaneously? I’ve no idea; I’m not a politician. Yet, today it’s necessary. Here goes…

It’s been exactly 31 days. One month. Only. One. Month.

I hardly believe it’s such a diminutive unit! However, a lot can happen in a month. A journey, a challenge, a recovery, whatever it is… I’ve had more events than you’d think any sane universe would serve up so rapidly. God apparently decided I could handle it. I suppose he (not I) knew what he was doing. Events seem to support that supposition.

The horizon on this side of that short divide looks different than that side. Better actually! Things could have gone worse. I am reminded to remain humble and thankful.

My hastily drafted post wasn’t deep; “Shit’s going on. Said shit requires my full attention. I’ll be back when I’m back.” I didn’t specify what or why… because it’s a private matter. (Just shutting the hell up is still legal, moral, and possible… even in a world that has social media… isn’t that awesome?) I didn’t know when (or if) I’d be back. I suspected I’d be fine but that was more a guess than knowledge.

That odd little post was also a turning point in a mess that had been going too long on a scale that started looking exponential. As a general rule I blog (if sporadically) even when damn near dead. I’ve done that for years. Yet, what’s the point? Seriously… I mean it. Every now and then each and every one of us needs to sit down and think “what’s the point?” Do we? Do we indulge that ultra-necessary periodic moment of reflection? Do we avoid it? Why?

Regardless I gave up my mundane routine. I “just let it go”. (And by “it” I mean damn near everything! Most of which isn’t that important anyway.) It’s terrifying yet freeing to take your hands off the wheel. We monkeys cling to routine. When the spirit tells us otherwise we try hard to miss the clues. Was my brief abdication essential? I’ll never know. I think so. “Grinding it out” wasn’t doing me any favors. How many people “grind it out” all the way to a dirt nap? Not everyone has the resources and opportunity to try something different. I’m grateful I did. And remember… it was just a single month!

Pleasantly, I got some encouragement (both in person and in private). Thanks!

I’m not out of the woods… yet. Life, once it gets out of hand, can be restored (if you’re lucky) but only on its schedule. Rome was neither built nor destroyed in a day… so too with individuals. “In due time” is the only calendar I’ve read lately. I’m pretty darned grateful that it’s “in due time”. It could have been “never”.

How awesome is that? I’m as likely to be around in the near future as ever… which is not something I take for granted.

I’ll need a bit longer before I (and therefore my little blog) am back on my feet. It might be another month, maybe more, maybe less.

Don’t fret. Shit’s looking good. I have optimism.

What happened specifically? At least for now, I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’ about anything.

Which is probably the weirdest way any blogger has ever said “hang tight, I’ll be back”.

Thanks for listening.

A.C.

A bunch of things have happened to yours truly. Some good. Some not great but hopefully manageable. Some I can’t quite grok the full import yet.

None are fully (or even significantly) within my control. Sometimes you just have to ride the waves.

I may go off line a few days or even a couple weeks or more. But I’m still me and will be back in due time. Thanks for your patience.

Sometimes life comes at ya’ fast. Sometimes it comes at ya’ faster. Sometimes events fuckin’ avalanche your position. Your plans and rational thoughts are buried, burned, shredded, churned like a roto-tiller, hurled it into the void, bent, folded, spindled, and at some point in time they no longer represent roadmarks so much as you stand there punch drunk and wobbly; thinking… “what just happened?”

It is the fifth month of 2025. The most eventful of an exceptionally spastic year. It shuffles toward the exit. I remain. Still standing. Not only standing, but absolutely astounded at how well things have worked out.

Any of that make sense? Don’t worry, all lives are occasionally out of control, the specifics of my chaos are boring. I’m only logging on to say:

1. I’m here and haven’t forgotten ya’ll.
2. Despite eleven zillion things happening, it’s all for the good.
3. Sometimes one must drop the optional (including a much loved blog) simply to grasp at the shore. When this happens, it’s only temporary.

As thanks for your patience, here’s a little story:

I mentioned, almost a month ago, that I was in Hawaii. I also suggested I’m the sort that considered Hawaii only slightly less attainable or realistic than Nirvana. (I’m referring to the Buddhist state of enlightenment and not a defunct grunge band from the 1990’s. Incidentally, I’ve been to Portland; the place where the young go to retire. Nothing about Portland or grunge music or anything in the vicinity is mystically unattainable to anyone.)

Let’s pick up my story with an interesting moment in time.

There I was. I stepped out of my room onto a little porch. I was on the 12th floor of a hotel the sort losers like me can’t afford. The waves lapped slow and steady, relaxing even at the remove of 12 floors. The sun was setting. The tropical air smelled sweeter than any ocean breeze I’ve ever experienced.

I was completely and thoroughly jet lagged. I’d left a bit of my soul behind in the claustrophobic tubes of commercial flight. I didn’t know what time it was, or how long I’d been flying, or when I’d last ate.

I remembered there’d been three planes. I remembered dumping $120 on a taxi ride. (I’m not complaining, the plane had been free-ish to me!) Beyond that, I was thoroughly disoriented.

I didn’t know what time zone I was in. I vaguely grasped enough mental state to remind myself this gentle sweet rocking caressing ocean was the mid (or south?) Pacific, which explains why it seemed so unlike times I’d gazed on the angry surging hypothermic misery of the Puritan’s North Atlantic.

My phone chirped. It was a text from Mrs. Curmudgeon.

“Where are you?”

This is what I know now.

I know that Hawaii is not merely a state, it is an archipelago. The thoroughly modern city of Honolulu is on the island of Oahu. If you say of Honolulu, “it’s in Hawaii”, you just said something stupid. Another, and my favorite of the small number I sampled, is Maui. Say it with me… Maui is an island and not a city. You aren’t on Maui so much as you are in a town that is located on Maui. Ironically, the biggest island, which is clearly and reasonably named Big Island, is not where the action is.

Maui has dozens of places and they all have unpronounceable names. This includes the airport’s home town of Kahului, which lay $120 to the east of where my hotel was located. I dimly registered riding past Lahaina, the scene of a terrible fire two years ago. My hotel was nestled just short of Kapalua in the equally confusingly named Ka’anapali.

I know all of this now. Then, I couldn’t count to ten without six cats and a monkey to help me. I was utterly confused.

“Not the plane. Taxi. But then done.” I texted, capturing the true nature of my mental state.

Then I had another thought. I could neither spell nor pronounce Ka’anapali and had no real proof I was anywhere. I’d had no idea what plane was where. I had retrieved my luggage in a daze. I hadn’t the slightest clue where the taxi had driven me.

I could be on any island anywhere.

How was I to know I wasn’t, for example, on Puerto Rico? My addled mind would probably have better luck piecing together Spanglish than something originating from entirely unfamiliar Polynesian roots. Clutching my cell phone, I looked out at the darkening horizon. Not a written word to be found. Just the ocean breezes and strange Polynesian syntax. I could be anywhere! I could be in Tahiti, or Fiji, or American Samoa. I had a passport in my pocket. Had I used it?

For a man like me, who navigates the emptiest wilderness with considerable confidence, I was adrift. I’d gotten on a plane, I went wherever the fuck the plane went… and I was so very tired.

I looked at the phone. Mrs. Curmudgeon was probably getting worried. I ought to say something.

“I have not the slightest idea where I am.” I texted, truthfully.

“Enjoy your vacation.” Mrs. Curmudgeon texted back, but I didn’t get a chance to read it.

I was already asleep.

Gen-X, the oft hated, always ignored, rounding error of a lost generation, had Magnum PI. That was our window on the mysterious world of tropical islands and excellent moustaches.

Boomers, don’t think I forgot you. Y’all had Hawaii Five-O. It was a little earlier, starting in 1968, and played mostly after my bedtime. (How odd to think I was once young enough to have a mandatory “bedtime”.) Whenever I watched the show it bored me… but I think the theme is better than even Magnum’s.

Book ’em, Danno!

We walk our own path; often while hearing the fading echoes of the canyon where we started.

If you start out poor, or with small horizons, or behind the eight ball, you don’t have to stay that way. But it matters. Statistically, what’s initially unattainable, tends to remain unlikely. I never let that bother me. Indeed I’ve done tons of shit that seemed impossible right up until I did it.

Where I’m going with this is that I was born to a world where Hawaii might as well be on Mars. It simply didn’t exist for me. It didn’t exist for anyone I knew. I expected it to always be that way.

Then, I was there.

God it was beautiful! I’m shocked and deeply grateful for my good fortune.

I was in unofficial recuperation. Mrs. Curmudgeon, who wasn’t there to properly monitor me, deeply stressed that normal people “vacation” while I “adventure”. Given I’d been sicker than a dog could I just “calm the fuck down and not go fight sharks or whatever“? She’s a wise woman. I did my best to “vacation”; texting silly things like “still no sharks, snoozing in shade of palm tree“.

It worked. I needed a break and the rest did me good. I’ll be back to my old self “fighting sharks” some other day.

Thinking about how Hawaii seemed so exotic and unattainable reminded me of my only real connection with the place… Magnum PI! Back when TV was TV, and people watched TV, and America had a shared culture, there was one moustache that ruled all.

Magnum PI was pure prime-time fun. My young Gen-X future-Curmudgeon self gleefully watched every episode. Pre-Quigley Tom Sellek was perpetually awesome. He lived in paradise. He never had to shovel snow. The writers came up with a ridiculous work-around so boy-ish Sellek could drive the hottest car of the time and still claim to be broke. He flounced around with bikinis and Berettas and got free rides on T.C.’s colorful helicopter. Seriously, he was even named “Magnum”. Who has a name that cool?

I fuckin’ loved Magnum’s frenemy Higgins too! Dude was uptight and boring but smarter than shit. The plot hinted he had a bad ass backstory, possibly even being the super rich Robin Masters who supposedly owned everything. (This was an afterthought and the writers couldn’t quite paper over a few plot holes, but what would be cooler than a wealthy nerd pretending to be his own employee?) Higgins had exquisitely trained death dogs (Zeus and Apollo) and randomly turned them loose on Magnum! Why? Because, just look at him! Magnum had it coming.

It all worked out in perfect balance; Magnum had a +2 moustache of persuasion but Higgins kindly kept the freeloading hippie humble. Glorious.

Anyway, here’s to the fun show that all kids of a certain age (Gen X) fondly remember.