[Y’all may be forgiven for assuming I’ve been sitting on my ass. Is that not the blogger way? Doing little but whining about societal decline and mooning over butterflies? Nothing could be further from the truth! I’ve been outside playing in nature.
That means I’ve been off grid more than usual. Cool things pass by without finding note on my blog. This post, written on paper under smoky skies and in relentless heat, is my attempt to rectify things.
Also, I’m pretty proud of my clever choices for outdoor gear so I put links to certain products at the bottom. You don’t have to buy shit because I recommend it. I’m just offering the links because that’s the stuff I’ve tested and liked. I get a small kickback from the evil overlords at Amazon if you buy anything from a link but don’t feel pressure. Also, if you just loathe Amazon (who doesn’t?) you can always kick me a few bucks via the donation link to the right of this post.]
I’m outdoors right now. It’s hotter than hell. I found a shaded picnic table and I’m gonna stay here, drinking water, until the earth moves, the sun shifts, and the shade is gone.
All week the smoke of forest fires has annoyed me. I seem overly susceptible to bad air. What a wimp!
As a potential solution, I decided to head to the hills. There’s often a combination of prevailing winds, elevation, and terrain that is an improvement. Of course, nothing is sure during fire season. Also, when the weather is very hot, sometimes you’re just doomed. In extremes, nothing really “solves” heat. You do what you can but endurance becomes part of the equation. Either that or you give up and hide in the cold embrace of AC.
I wound up heading for a place I’ve never been before. Also, as required by tradition, all hell broke loose the week before my departure. It seems a simple thing; leisurely pack in advance of a trip, leave on time. Why does that never happen?
To start the trip, I relaxed in my Dodge; luxuriating in air-conditioning while the world around me wilted. I’d kicked my boat off my utility trailer and was towing it (the trailer, not the boat). Strapped on the trailer was Honey Badger, my little Yamaha TW 200 dirtbike. I intended the bike to ride in the truck bed (where there is ample space) but logistical details had derailed my plans. Better to carry Honey Badger on a rusty old trailer than whine that my plans had failed.
I’ve outfitted Honey Badger with interlocking Milwaukee Packout luggage. Mindful of heat inching past annoying into dangerous, I bought a Packout cooler. They’re spendy but high quality. More importantly I can “lock” it to the other Packout gear. If you’re going to do stupid shit in excessive heat, bring drinks.
I’d packed modestly, camping food would be MREs and Mountain House. I tossed a cheap family size cooler in the truck bed and filled it with frozen water bottles. That, and my wondrous tent / cot combination should be enough. I also loaded my trash can of prepped pallet wood and my little folding stove. I was good to go.
The drive was long and conditions keep getting hotter. At the last town I panicked. I wandered around a cool relaxing grocery store only to emerge with Gatorade, Coke, and 20 pounds of ice. Somehow bratwurst had jumped into the cart too. I threw everything into my cooler. I also had three “truck beers”. (Truck beers are the random few cans or bottles that are just sorta’ there… leftover from whatever other thing you’ve been doing. I tossed them in the cooler.) I’d buy more beer on the way.
Two hours later, with the sun setting, I arrived at camp. I hadn’t passed anywhere to buy beer! What godforsaken hellhole doesn’t at least have a six pack for sale at a bait shop?
I was at “Nondescript State Park” which is in “Random National Forest”. I pulled into a site I’d reserved just that morning. It was the first time I’d ever seen this place. It was brushy and had a little less shade than I’d like but it seemed OK.
It was hot. Forest fire smoke permeated everything. The good news was that I had driven hours with the radio on and during that whole time not one single asshole had told me that fires in the forest and heat in July are caused by Global Warming. Such an unexpected outbreak of rationality! There’s hope for humanity yet!
Setup of my tent, cot, mattress, sleeping bag, pillow, and sheet (sheets are nice for very hot conditions) took 11 minutes and 42 seconds. I wasn’t rushing. I can’t get over how happy I am with my combination of equipment. Fast setup and luxurious accommodations are such a far cry from my earlier days of lightweight gear and laying in the dirt. If you’ll be camping within sight of your vehicle, give yourself the option of ditching the tiny backpacking gear! My tent isn’t as nice as a hotel (with air conditioning) but it’s close. The cot/mattress is better than many regular household beds.
(A comfy camp setup in just over 10 minutes is the culmination of an idea I had two years ago. I called it “Operation Old Guy” and every part of that approach has been a happy success for me. I describe it here and here.)
In another 15 minutes I’d unloaded Honey Badger, unfolded my lawnchair, and was sipping my precious limited beer. I positioned my folding camp stove inside the campsite fire ring. It’s very dry and I was being extra careful. I left the tent’s rain fly off in hopes there would be a breeze (there wasn’t).
I was worried about running out of beer. I should conserve. But it was just so damn hot! I decided inadequate beer was a problem for Tomorrow’s Curmudgeon. This evening I would drink what I had. The universe would provide the answer.
Everything in my equipment was a home run. The folding firebox rocks! Pallet wood is perfect. Bratwurst are delicious. I ran a Thermocell but it scarcely seemed necessary. It was like the smoke and heat had killed all the bugs.
Dinner was fine (if a bit childishly planned). I watched the stove like a hawk but I didn’t really have to. Pallet wood burned under controlled conditions doesn’t throw many sparks. The sweltering heat ebbed. By 10 PM I was sacked out and sleeping like a baby.
The next day didn’t dawn cold but it wasn’t yet brutally hot. The best news was that the forest fire smoke had largely abated overnight! I breathed deeply like I hadn’t in days.
As always, the stove made wood fire almost as efficient as propane. I boiled water for Mountain House breakfast and quickly switched to percolating coffee in the same pot. While I waited, I read a paperback. It was the last few cool hours and I wanted to relax. I shared my camp with inquisitive rabbit. Several asshole chipmunks came by to see if they could scam up some food. (They couldn’t, I run a tight ship.) It was a good morning.
As the heat built, I left my comfy chair and started prepping my bike. The shade was gone and within minutes I was bathed in sweat. Two campers walked by saying something about showers. Turns out there were showers in the park!
After the world’s most appreciated cool shower, I pinged my SpotX “I’m leaving electronic breadcrumbs y’all, please keep me in mind” and rolled out. One advantage of a street legal machine is riding right out of a state park, onto a forest road, and thence to forever.
Stay tuned for part 2.
Camping gear of note can be found at these links:
TETON Sports Outfitter XXL Camp Cot (I first mentioned this two years ago; here and here. It’s not cheap but it’s a whole new dimension for car camping. There’s a reason an ad for one sits on my sidebar month after month… it’s that awesome.)
TETON Sports Outfitter XXL Camp Pad (Once you put this mattress on the appropriate cot, you will never sleep on the ground again!)
TETON Sports Celsius XL Sleeping Bag (An excellent bag but definitely excessive for hot summer camping.)
Gazelle Tent T4 (May be out of stock! Also, shop around for the best price.)
Milwaukee Packout Cooler (I bought the soft sided one locally. It’s a little larger than I wanted but then again it’s a lot hotter than I’d like. I may have gotten a better price at a brick and mortar store.)
Redcamp Wood Burning Folding Camp Stove (I first mentioned it here. I’ve used mine a lot since then and it’s just plain awesome. It’s cheap for what you get! Between that and pallet wood it’s like I’ve made a magic alternative to propane or whatnot.)
SpotX: SPotX is a special thing. It’s satellite communication safety gear. Safety gear is a big deal. (No, your damn cell phone ‘aint the same thing.) I didn’t just link to Amazon so you can buy it. I linked to a discussion where I evaluate the living heck out of the device and its use. Not everyone “needs” a SpotX, but I chose to get one and think it was wise. I appreciate living in a time when SpotX (and similar devices) exist. It’s a sound choice for a person like me or for anyone who does the sort of things that I do. If you need one, you probably already know it and just don’t want to deal with the hassle. Well you should. Quit dithering and buy the damn thing. Also, get in the habit of using it long before it matters!
