[Editor’s note: There’s still something wrong with the comment software. I see ’em and approve them and they’re retained but not yet displayed. I’ll figure it out eventually but first I’ve got to go offline a few days while I go to a place for a purpose about which I’m not blogging. I think it’s fixed? Also, to the person who just sent me a donation… Thanks! I’ll send you a thank you e-mail as soon as a resurrect my e-mail software which is running about as well as the comment software. Most of this bad computer-fu is me being lazy. It’ll all work out.]
About a year ago a cat showed up. (Links: 1, 2, 3, and a guest appearance here.) It was young but sleek and healthy. We named him Tardo. He has a pleasant demeanor but is dumber than a sack of hammers. I assumed he wouldn’t last long; I don’t live in a safe suburb. Stupid things get dead quick when they live close to nature. To my surprise, the little dumbass has so far done OK.
I was thinking we officially “owned” a new cat. Then I insulted him by comparing him to Paul Krugman (another exceptionally stupid being). He ran away. Eventually I assumed the coyotes ate him.
He was gone for a good long while but one day, for no reason in particular, he showed up again! We all welcomed the pleasant imbecile. Maybe he’d stay around and be our cat. That lasted a few months with on and off periods of time when he vanished. Most of the time this meant he got stuck in the garage or (amazingly) got lost in the woodshed which has no doors(!). Have I mentioned this cat is dumber than dirt?
Then he vanished for another extended spell. I thought he was dead; either an eagle got him or he got his stupid ass locked in some farm’s machine shed and starved. Mrs. Curmudgeon thought he had a different set of “owners”. After this particular absence he came back skittish and wild. One can never know what is going on in his dense little head but it seems like he met with humans that weren’t particularly nice. That said, it’s just a theory. He’s not talking.
By then I gave up. I’m not sure if we’re his true “owners” or just a place to get pleasant attention and food. Whenever he’s around we make a big fuss over him and give him lots of attention, which he adores. We hope to coax him into staying around but who knows what happens? Maybe he’s got a side gig? Maybe we’re the side gig? Maybe he’s choosing to wander off exploring? Maybe he rambles a quarter mile and then just can’t find his way back? Maybe he wanders into other people’s garages (like he does mine) and winds up stuck there for days or weeks (like he does mine)? It’s entirely possible he leaves our place and when he gets back he doesn’t know he’s been there before. He’s not bright.
He is, however, friendly.
When I was watching Colin the caterpillar become Colin the butterfly, Tardo the likable dumb fool showed up. With any other cat I’d be worried about the helpless butterfly. “Nice bug you got there… it’d be a shame if something were to happen to it… give me tuna or the butterfly gets whacked.” I was on alert but I doubt Tardo even saw the butterfly. He did discover the magic of stealing some human’s comfy lawn chair. (All cats like taking the chair you were sitting in; lounging there as soon as you stand up as if to say “who me? I’m just picking a totally random place to lay.”)
So I took a couple photos of the cat I don’t actually own in the chair he just happened to occupy. Enjoy:
I swear to God this cat is so dumb he extended his claws and looked at me as if to say: “Did you know I had these things on my paw? I just found ’em!” (I’ve never seen the fool actually use cat skills and cat claws to do something useful… like catch a mouse.)
In this photo he’s attacking the lawnchair for no good reason. The lawnchair might very well outsmart him.
You’re too happy. We have to change that.
https://youtu.be/8L6T6Yj5u4k?t=1
Don’t think anyone ever “owns” a cat. They seem to think otherwise.
Enjoying your blog.
Growing up back in the late 60’s, we had a big grey cat that just wandered in and adopted us. We tried to find a good name for him. Nothing stuck. Until the third time he fell asleep sitting up on a speaker watching the fish in the fish tank. And then fell off the speaker. And kept sleeping. Stupid cat. Thou hast named thyself. So ‘Stupid’ it was.
And he was. Stupid. I can see running into a glass door, but a solid door? All the time? Stupid cat.
Even the day he climbed up into someone’s engine and fan-belted the skin on one leg. Still stupid, still a good cat.
Sucked we had to be restationed, but we heard he found a new family to sponge off off.
And when my mother-in-law was living with us (shudder, horrors, shudder) her cat hated her so much he ran off to the two-blocks-away neighbor and lived a good life away from that psycho lady.
Cats are interesting animals, aren’t they?
That is one healthy looking cat for a stray. I bet it has more than one home it hangs out at for food, perhaps its not a ‘tarded as it wants you to think it is.
Our cat attacks the chairs also. She has ruined my office chair, fortunately its pleather and not expensive. When she is done tormenting our German Pointer she goes and attacks the dining room chairs the same way yours is attacking that camp chair.
I think cats are space aliens. What I cant figure out is if they are a master race or escapees from an insane asylum.
“master race or escapees from an insane asylum.”
Both.
Cats go on rambles. Toms go looking for mates. They have not been domesticated nearly as long as dogs, because dogs – right off – offered value. Cats, well they do control mice and roaches and other things. (We had the best raspberries until my dad convinced my mom to stop keeping cats around!)
You had Bowling Pin Chicken, now a retarded cat. I see a pattern forming.
Bowling Pin Chicken wasn’t dumb so much as a being living entirely in a dimension of his own making. The cat, however, is just plain dull as dishwater.
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