Critter Update

For no particular reason, I’ve decided to post a few critter pictures.

The first is Tardo; possibly the dumbest mammal in North America. I mentioned him some time ago. He showed up last fall and adopted us. At the time he was a gangly teenagerish kitten. He may have gotten lost from some other location and simply stayed with us? I doubt he’s from a feral litter but I can’t rule it out. I’ve not seen any similar aged and equally stupid cats hanging around but who knows? It’s a miracle the coyotes haven’t eaten his dumb ass yet. He’s so friendly I can’t help but root for him.

He really did run away when I called him Paul Krugman. (My bad on that; some insults are too cruel even for a stupid cat.) He came back weeks later, shortly before the snow flew. He’s been hanging around being super polite and friendly despite having the intellect of a houseplant. We all like this pleasant idiot.

A pre-existing and much older cat was not pleased with the interloper. This cat has had so many names I forget them all. Virtually every name I use for this cat is a synonym for asshole. This cat isn’t dumb, it’s just evil. Don’t let the innocent look fool you; it’s scheming and hoping for a chance to do something unacceptable… aside from eating and shitting, all it does is try to piss me off. It usually succeeds. This cat is a net loss to humanity.

Big dumb, stupid, young, healthy Tardo perpetually wants to make friends with the old, small, evil, asshole established resident. The smaller, older cat hisses and carries on like it’s going to unleash the gates of hell. Tardo, not knowing what else to do, administers a half-hearted swipe to the head. He’s not so much fighting as confused. The small evil cat may sound like a dragon but it’s really just a two pound sack of bluff (and evil). It tears ass out of there, leaving a confused and lonely idiot behind.

Assholes gonna’ asshole. It hides under the car and alternates between growling cat obscenities and pretending it likes hiding under the car. Meanwhile the other cat is a hundred feet away, sitting in the snow, licking it’s balls… an activity which probably takes all of it’s mental circuits. It doesn’t even really know it’s being insulted.The most important thing is my dog. It still lives! It’s probably damn near 150 years old in human time. The respected elder takes a lot of my attention but it has earned it. It is not in pain but it’s definitely geriatric. Every day is precious. I’m surprised and delighted we had it with the family for one last Christmas.

In this photo, it’s just watching two lesser beings (cats) doing dumb things. It’s assessing how much response is necessary. In it’s younger days it would have broken up any fight among cats with extreme power. It would hit like an air strike and every cat in the vicinity learned to play nice very quickly. The dog has no patience for discord!

Now as a fully retired dog, it just watches. If a lopsided battle between the evil old wimp and the strapping young idiot lasts more than 90 seconds, the dog will let lose with a torrent of barks that will send both scrambling. This time the dog decided it wasn’t necessary. It’s the best dog I’ve ever had.