I’ve tapered off politics (or at least keep it at arm’s length). Unfortunately, politics is extra special hyperbolic lately. It follows us around like when you feed a stray cat and then the bastard won’t leave. It’s not a new situation but it is increasingly annoying. In 2008 I stopped reading the paper. By 2016 it got bad enough that I officially decided the “national discourse” (if that’s what we should call it) was unhealthy in all media. It was time to wall off most of the asshattery. (Not an uncommon opinion in flyover country.)
I’m not the only one that sees seeks understanding or refuge. Scott Adams seems to have it nailed down. He called it “cognitive dissonance“. If cognitive dissonance sounds too clinical, try the different but closely related “mass hysteria“. (I’m not joking, look up the definition of “mass hysteria” and then watch the news. Go ahead and write don’t what they’re freaking out about today and then write down what happened to those concerns in a month, a year, etc… They covered Trump tweeting about Kim Jong-Un with the same concern I’d react to a velociraptor shoved down my underpants. That’s hysteria. A month later they can’t find the place on a map. That’s how you know it was yet another looming disaster that didn’t materialize.) Credit to Captain Capitalism who was way ahead of the curve. He’ been exhorting us to Enjoy the Decline for years. (Full disclosure, I’ve read several of Clarey’s books but not that particular title.) I wasn’t the first one on the bandwagon and more come aboard all the time.
But I’m not here to bitch about bullshit. I’m here to mention one of my (many!) escape valves… and bitch that the bullshit is following me there!
One personal “safe space” from politics (using the wingnut’s own terminology!) was a new interest in history lectures. In particular, I wanted avoid the state propaganda system. I drive a lot and it’s just too damn dominant on the FM airwaves. (Yes, I call it state propaganda. Look up the actual dictionary terms. It can easily be argued that National Public Radio is both state sponsored and propaganda. Those words really do mean what I think those words mean.)
I bought several Great Courses lectures in Medieval History. It was an ideal subject. I went to public schools which are allergic to teaching nearly anything and especially history. So I had plenty of room to learn. Also it’s about as removed from American politics in 2018 as humanly possible. A place where the wingnuts wouldn’t bother me. FREEDOM!!!!
Sadly, I could occasionally detect the whiff of bullshit. I first noticed it when one of the lecturers got really wound up about Emma of Normandy (985 – 1052).
A bit of history told Curmudgeon style: Emma of Normandy was the queen of England. In the year 1002 she married a king with the hilarious nickname Ethelred the Unready. As is common in history of that era (think “Game of Thrones”) a new player showed up to overthrow the existing monarchy. The new guy was called Cnut the Great (also spelled as Canute). He brought his A game to an England that was minor league at best.
He and his soldiers acted all Viking-like. It went something like this:
“Greetings, we’re super badass dudes that came on this boat. We navigate the oceans in craft that would make a Coast Guard safety officer weep. We think Ragnarok would be fun. We cleave skulls as a hobby.” Pause to wait for everyone to shit their pants. “OK, Who’s in charge here? Did you say ‘Ethelred’? Oh that’s hilarious… ha ha ha!” Pause while everyone finishes shitting their pants and notice they’re serious about the Ethelred thing. “Oh wait, you mean it? OK fine, please go inform King whatsisname that we’re comin’ for him and that he’s fucked.”
Cnut demonstrated what happens when a fellow nicknamed “the Great” encounters a fellow nicknamed “the Unready”. In short order Ethelred is deader than a doornail. I presumed Emma would be planning a sudden trip to France under an assumed name; possibly in the middle of the night… while wearing a disguise.
I was happily digesting this information as I drove in my truck. No whiff of 2018 American political bias yet.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch…
All of a sudden Emma winds up married to Cnut. WTF? I didn’t see that coming.
OK fine, it was the medieval period and a lady’s gotta’ do what a lady’s gotta do. I’m not judging.
In a turn of events that would make a soap opera proud, Emma has gone from Queen of England, to sad widow, to Queen of England, Denmark and Norway.
Did I mention that Cnut was a bad ass? King of England and Norway and Denmark. It amuses me to picture the new ruler Cnut with a stack of crowns. He could wear whatever one he felt like on a given day… because he’s not just King but King cubed.
This seemed like it would cement Emma’s place in trivia as the Queen who was Queen twice. I presume that’s rare and it’s quite interesting. Modestly worth my attention.
The lecturer, on the other hand, went into heat! After hundreds of years of history about one dude after another she finally had a woman to discuss! She was super excited. Her voice practically levitated. WTF?
I put two and two together and remembered that the lecturer was from a literature department instead of a history department. Ugh… not this shit again.
I decided to roll with it. Why not indulge a professor a little personal bias? This Emma chick was kinda’ unusual and if the prof wants to go on like she’s the grooviest thing since sliced bread I’ll roll with it. (For the record, I interpreted Emma’s actions as mildly interesting at best. Likely just a side discussion on how you can conquer the shit out of a people and then marry into the royal family to improve your legitimacy to the throne. Or maybe the dude was just skeevy. Didn’t Ming the Merciless have the same plot arc in Flash Gordon?) I sat and listened for some time while the prof rambled about her like Queen Emma was the love child of Rosie the Riveter and Wonder Woman. This has got to be big time bias. After all, she (the lecturer) spent more time discussing Emma than the ruling king Cnut.
End of Curmudgeonly history discussion.
But what do I know? I already admitted I’m not professionally trained in medieval history. Just a little bias and no big deal right?
Once is chance, twice is a pattern. Tune in next time to hear about a real life Lady Macbeth.
I wonder if they misspelled “Cnut”…
Reading old books about history is possible, and indeed very easy with Project Gutenberg. It doesn’t get you away from history as interpreted by people with axes to grind, but it does help get you away from history as interpreted by highly credentialled laughable mediocrities with boringly familiar axes to grind. And, for that matter, with such a cloistered narrow worldview that they can’t even conceive of addressing, or at least finessing, obvious commonsense questions about their strained axe-grinding interpretation.
I bounced from _Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire_, which borders on your period, but recommend Macaulay’s history of England and Hume’s history of England, which spend quite a few pages covering your period. And _Anabasis_, which isn’t exactly history, and isn’t about your period, but is still an interesting time capsule from about the same tech level about what it was like to make a long retreat with a big mercenary heavy infantry unit through basically-hostile territory. Also there are books that might not be worth reading cover to cover but reward skimming at least some dozens of pages as a sampling of what was influential in a particular era, e.g. _Wealth of Nations_, Ibn Khaldun, and (for your period) the venerable Bede.
Several of the lectures mentioned Venerable Bede. That said, I’ve listened to lectures and not read them. Thus, I assumed the man’s handle was “Bead”. Whoops.
I read a lot but the lectures are for when I’m driving. Hence the audio.
Librivox has a bunch of free public domain audiobooks. In particular, they have older translations of a lot of the classical/medieval writers, including Bede. The reader quality can be somewhat variable but you get what you pay for.
Good info. Also nice pseudonym.
Ethelred the Unready got his first name from (presumably) his Mother and father but the Unready bit …
In those times a Read/Reed/Reeve was an advisor or councillor and as poor old Ethelred didn’t have any advisor’s (otherwise if he did, history might have turned out a bit different and Emma might have been married to him to reach their silver wedding anniversary or whatever) he got the nickname.
Similarly, I suppose that Cnut got the appellation “The Great” because anyone calling him a Milquetoast big girls blouse would have quickly ended up with a splitting headache at as you pointed out at best or suffered a fate worse than death at worst (so to speak).
Yes, I DO need to get out a bit more at night. Why do you ask?
Let’s see what the narrator makes of Eleanor of Aquitaine if she creams her knickers over Emma.
Ha ha ha… you called it! Next post is about Eleanor!
Now let us see what the dear lady professor does with a real bad-arsed lady, like Empress Matilde or Queen Eleanor, or even Queen Matilda of Flanders.
But Emma? One of her main claims to fame was being one of the ‘justifications’ for William the Conqueror to ‘save England’ in 1066. The others? Being used as a pawn in dynastic wars, and being a survivor. That’s it. Whooo-hooooo.
The first two I listed actually revolted against the existing establishments, while the third one was one of the reasons William the Conqueror isn’t known as William the OMG Evil Murdering BASTARD!!!
Assuming that the course started with Alfred the Great, the professor already had the chance to focus on a bona fide female badass with Aethelflaed of Mercia, but I guess because she wasn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, the Professor wasn’t interested.
I’ve done several courses now and they all blend in. Seems like the one in question started well before Alfred the Great but I’d never heard of Aethelflaed of Mercia (that’s a cool thing about history… there’s always more to learn). The series I’m listening to now is more geographically oriented to the Mediterranean, so I can’t blame them for skipping details about the English hinterland.
Also I loved the parable (?) of King Alfred and the cakes. For those readers who aren’t nerds enough to know the story; Alfred is on the run from the Vikings and getting his ass kicked over and over. He winds up taking refuge in the home of a peasant woman. He’s in disguise… and damn near dead. She asks him to watch her cakes (bread) baking on the fire. King “Losing A Plenty” is distracted by his problems and lets the cakes burn. He’s roundly scolded by the woman; as he should be. ‘Aint nobody got wheat to spare when there’s war afoot! In the story Alfred humbly submits, indicating his greater character and charting his course from Danish Doormat to Well Earned Respect. Something in me really likes the idea of a king getting bitched out (rightfully) by a peasant woman. Alfred did a lot of very cool stuff and for all I know the “cakes” story is just a medieval campaign slogan, but I liked it nonetheless.