Phenology Report: Monarchs: Part 1

Many moons ago, as a young Curmudgeon, I was constantly bringing nature indoors. Most springs I had salamanders or tadpoles growing in a jar somewhere, for fishing I had a worm farm, many summer nights I had fireflies in a jar (or smeared on my bicycle tires), and I’ll never forget… the fucking monarchs….

The salamanders, tadpoles, fireflies, and whatever else I found (snakes were verboten) did their time in my well meaning temporary jail and were released. Usually in decent health.

But monarchs outwitted me. (Admittedly, outwitting a kid is not a tough challenge.) I had it in mind to capture a caterpillar, stuff it in a jar with some leaves, and observe the magic of nature until I had a beautiful monarch butterfly. Then release it, of course.

This never worked. Kids are idiots and I was a kid. They’re also laughably unobservant. I could never find a caterpillar when I was thinking about it. Oh sure, I’d see them when I wasn’t looking for one but that doesn’t count. (Life is like that. Ever see an elk in the middle of town when you’re coming home empty handed after scouring the hinterlands for one during hunting season?) In retrospect I’m not sure I was bright enough to look on milkweed. Did I mention kids are idiots?

One year my aunt found a chrysalis. Ironically it was on a stalk of corn. This made no sense to me because I knew monarch caterpillars eat milkweed. I think I was pissed off about the corn stalk at the exact same time that I was too dumb to find caterpillars because I was probably looking on pine trees. Kids are idiots!

Anyway, I put it in a jar and waited. In kid years a week is a decade and I watched that damn thing for what seemed like years. It took forever. Then one weekend I was gone on camping and the thing emerged. When I returned, my mom had let it go. Stupid butterfly!

So it is with life. Youthful ideas fade and are replaced by weighty concerns and tax returns. Or are they? More in part 2.