The following quote is satire. I wrote it. I was making fun of the press (New York Times). I crammed this joke into a story involving lesbian activist squirrels. (Link: Road To Portland: Part 27: Free Beer):
“In an unfortunate incident, 782 shots were accidentally fired at a nearby Chevy Volt that was mistakenly thought to harbor terrorists. Lucky, all 796 shots, fired from semi-automatic assault style police shotgun revolvers, missed the driver; who subsequently shit herself and decided to move to Japan.”
The following quote is not satire. It’s from CBS. Presumably someone with a journalism degree was paid actual American dollars to string together this word salad. (Link: Suspect killed, officer injured in Calif. shootout):
“Five other people, including three women and one man, were taken in for questioning, CBS Los Angeles reports. An assault revolver with high-capacity magazines and a revolver were recovered at the scene.”
I like making satirical jokes but it’s harder and harder to pull it off. I have to think of statements so utterly ridiculous that they won’t be matched by “journalists” and many of them really are as dumb as a sack of hammers.
A.C.
P.S. The CBS link is from 2014 and somehow just started making the rounds among the gunny crowd who likes a good laugh. Perhaps nobody read the story for three years? Hat tip to Say Uncle for pointing out CBS’s brilliance.
P.S.2. If you want to read the entire story Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels, in all its incomplete glory, click here. Everything I’ve written, including the squirrels, is as sensible as the media in 2018.
Update: Here’s a video of an idiot politician (but I repeat myself) from California (of course) whining about a “ghost gun that can disperse with a 30 magazine clip in half a second”. Lest you think this is just a random dumbass, note that he’s on stage, wearing a tie, and backed by a prop-like scowling law enforcement officer that inexplicably failed to fall down laughing when he heard the dude talk. I wouldn’t put this fool in charge of a lemonade stand yet he just got the California Democratic Party endorsement (in a race for US Senate). At least in terms of endorsements, this genius outmaneuvered incumbent (26 years!) Diane Feinstein. (Hat tip to Guns, Cars, and Tech.) My satirical story has a racist smelly bear and yet I’m not creative to imagine fictional woodland creatures sayings things that dumb.
