A Mind Control / Coffee Moment

This is a brief intermission in the saga of the squirrels while I get my head out of my ass and write it attend to other matters. In the meantime (and in keeping with my current “ignore politics when possible” policy) I’m providing a link to this video:

Why? Three reasons:

  1. I just bought another percolator. I’m super happy with it. (I’ll post about it someday.) This was meant as one of several options in my “grid down / zombie apocalypse / campfire cooking” coffee plan. Unexpectedly, I discovered I love the soothing sound of a percolator. It’s charming and pleasant.  It’s an experience my trusty (and overworked) automatic drip machine totally lacks.
  2. This is exactly how squirrels wield the power of Abba! If you are of a certain age you already know the “Maxwell House percolator song” and you probably have a positive association. (If you’re too young; forget it. The video will only prove to you that 1960’s television ads were grainy and dull. Get the hell off my lawn. Take your post-consumer content recycled paper cup with that dipshit thermal sleeve to keep the hot contents from burning your fingers and get it the hell off my property.) For the target audience to whom I’m speaking; watch the video. It won’t take long. I guaran-damn-tee you’ll hear the notes in your head. The notes are already there. An odd duck of a blogger just resurrected them from deep in the recesses of your mind using a technology utterly unimaginable to the folks making the commercial. Unlike squirrels and politicians, I promise to use this power only for good.
  3. Go ahead and tell me that #1 has nothing to do with the #2 that a corporation put in my head. (See what I did there?) There’s a reason I love my percolator. It can’t be the “burn my hands on the metal pot” effect. It can’t be the “serve coffee so boiling hot it will implode your nuts” association. It can’t be the “waiting 15 minutes watching a fucking metal cylinder when I need my caffeine hit right now” feature. It’s the power of Abba in a different form.

Sometime, after I’ve finished spilling percolated coffee all over my lap and when the squirrel stories are launched, I’ll delve into the “K-cup / Percolator Unified Theory Of Coffee”. Dr. Mingo and I have discussed it at length and we’ve probably discovered the secret to all of life’s conundrums.

A.C.

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.
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12 Responses to A Mind Control / Coffee Moment

  1. Michael Clare says:

    Dude, I have an electric perc pot (faster) and a stove top perc pot. Both make great coffee. “The jingle” is played on a loop in my head every morning, loud enough that my dogs can hear it! The wife and I also have two Keurigs, for our kids, adult children that listen to my perc story with their heads tilted…

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      I can’t do electric perc pot because the whole idea was in case of power outage.

      I played the jingle for my kids and they looked at me like I was a freak. I’m sure there’s something drilling into their mind right now that they’ll unearth decades later. Who knows what it’ll be: A Nike ad? A video game theme song? The boot up sound from an iPad (do they make a sound?). The sound of their dad bitching about Dodges? The sound of rifles before they changed the rules and everyone hunted with a suppressor?(!) Could be anything.

  2. p2 says:

    seeing how the grid power here is unreliable at best and i refuse to give in to the “gotta-have-a-generator” paradigm, i own a few of those old style percolators. they’re all from the early american relative period and have served a few generations in the family…. love em….

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      I’ve been using a JetBoil while camping and that’s a logical “grid down” solution. (Ideally for one person… or two max.) I used the JetBoil first with a Melita and later with a French Press gadget. Both make perfect coffee every time. See link.

      Unfortunately, they have no “panache”. They’re excellent and fast but have the “feel” of a butane powered microwave. I got the percolator to add “atmosphere” to my workshop and to use on my woodstove as needed. Then I was attacked by latent mind programming and fell in love with it. Every pot I brew has me thinking I’m on a cowboy campout with John Wayne or something.

      I had plans to add a generator to improve grid down situations. Mrs. Curmudgeon has specifications associated with a generator that are higher than mine; electric start, hooked to the house, lotsa’ power, etc.. I called 182,374,382 electricians until I one to agreed to come to my house and re-do part of the house wiring with a generator transfer switch. This was going to cost a grand easy (not including the generator!). We made an appointment two months(!) in advance. He didn’t show. (This tells you a lot about living in the hinterlands.) I hoped to compromise with the much cheaper Powerhorse 2000 watt generator you see on the sidebar (and an extension cord); but I keep coming up with other better uses for that money…. like keeping it.

      Now I’m hooked on the percolator and the squirrels have won.

      Mrs. Curmudgeon’s plan for “grid down” coffee is/has/remains the “bug out method”. Power goes down in the morning and she’ll abandon me and the dog in a heartbeat and be in a Starbucks 100 miles away before I realize what happened.

      The dog doesn’t care about coffee and is neutral about the whole thing.

  3. Jesse Bogan says:

    One of my favorite yard sale finds is my stovetop percolator… Stove top, grill top, fire top… I will always have my coffee dammit!!!

  4. 1practical.man@gmail.com says:

    The squirrels can wait…
    Tell me about the wonderful new percolator!

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      I will inform Mary and Terry of your intransigence. An Abba marathon has been scheduled for your local radio station. 🙂

      Actually I’ll post about the percolator asap. Like I said, I’m brainwashed to love it.

  5. richardcraver says:

    I had the tune in my head before heading over to YouTube. Somewhere Google Analytics is noting a disproportionate rise in perk coffee views on YouTube and the marketing machine will soon be trying to exploit this ‘new trend’ with percolator ads. You’ve stimulated the economy!
    When I think of perked coffee I recall Thanksgiving and Christmas at grandma’s house, the big 40 cup thing that she dragged out for the occasion. Thanks for the memory.
    Then there is church coffee, from a similar large percolator that is used every week, but hastily taken down and washed out between Bible Fellowship Class (The new and actually more accurate name for Sunday School) and service, occasionally the taste of dish soap remains. I’m living proof that soap is not deadly. These have been replaced with drip pots, and taste has improved.
    I personally prefer drip, although I’ve had french press coffee, it’s good but too much twiddling and cleanup in my opinion.

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      Church coffee, the stuff made in great urns and always too weak, grosses me out. I assume the urn is washed once a year and looks like a carbon sample. Also the folks making the coffee (for very good reason) seem to be trying to make enough brew for an army with three tablespoons of Folgers. Yuck.

      Same goes for the off brand watery generic “Kool Aid” churches served when I was a kid. A packet of Kool Aid (at the time) cost what; a dime? Sniveling wretch that I was, I couldn’t believe I was so far down the totem pole that name brand Kool Aid was too expensive.

      Add in a paper plate with a couple stale Hydrox cookies and I was truly miserable.

      Apparently my young self was a snob? One of the best parts of being an adult is being able to nod and say thank you for the bad coffee and crappy cookies (Hydrox isn’t in stores anymore); then unobtrusively slip out the back door and go use my own money to get proper coffee and treats. Being a kid sucks.

  6. oltanker says:

    Good way to make BAD coffee.

    Coming from a Cajun boy who was raised on green coffee ‘parched’ on the stove in a cast-iron skillet by my great-grandmother, then ground for each little pot of carefully dripped nirvana, the hot water spooned over the freshly ground coffee a spoonful at a time, served in little demitasse cups because a) it’s the Cajun way and b) that stuff had the viscosity of hydraulic oil. With fresh cream and sugar (again – the Cajun way) it was heavenly.

    MC
    (From Louisiana – where we have an official state coffee – Community Dark Roast – by act of the state legislature)

  7. jefferson101 says:

    Like others who have already replied, I have an electronic percolator and a stove top one, which is for when the power goes out.

    I’m not all that taken with percolated coffee. My Bunn does much better with the flavor, but it should be noted that the sound is something I grew up with, and does have a soothing effect, at a lot of levels.

    Just don’t make me wait a half-hour after I get up for the coffee to be ready, which is way too long. I’m down with modern conveniences, like getting a cup of coffee about five minutes after I pour the water into the pot.

    Perked coffee tastes almost burnt to me, after all these years of doing faster and cleaner ways of making it. Be that as it may, I still use the perked on occasion, just because I can.

    It isn’t all that bad, and it tastes like my youth. I wish I could get the “youth” part back.

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