Fuck You Money Versus Fuck This Money: Part 2

“Fuck you money” is a hard nut to crack. There’s a halfway point which comes first. I’ve never heard it articulated before. I’m making up a phrase for it right now. I’m calling it “fuck this money”.

“Fuck this money” is the indefinable amount of resources you need on hand so you can look at a problem and say “fuck this”. Then you hurl money at it until it’s solved or you get around the roadblock.

I just spent some “fuck this” money.

Shortly after Christmas, in the middle of a blistering cold snap, our washing machine started acting wonky. Then it died. I found myself in our laundry room, carrying a toolbox, and shaking my head in misery.

The good news is that it was on a “water catching tray” (I don’t know what you call those things). It had functioned flawlessly so there was no water damage to the floor. (Score one for team preparedness!) But that just meant I had to stop up a few inches of cold slimy water in the tray before I faced the thankless task of figuring out what the hell went wrong with the infernal appliance. I’m sure it was a fixable problem. The agitator wasn’t agitating, the drain wasn’t draining, etcetera, but it had been working recently. If I spent several hours tearing into it and experimenting, plus a few days waiting for parts to come from wherever I might find them, I would’ve (probably) cobbled it back together.

I just didn’t want to deal with it. I’ve had a rough winter and I’m only human.

You might like tinkering with such things. I don’t. To me, there’s nothing quite so infuriating as repairing appliances. This is the era of cheap shit from China and thus the design is always half assed and hard to fix. Crappy parts reside in stupid places. There are little plastic tabs where bolts belong, glue where screws would be more serviceable, integrated circuit boards made of unobtanium that link everything to everything else, parts out of stock, etc… It’s always a fiasco. This particular machine was a mere 17 years old but wasn’t particularly awesome. It was dirt cheap when we got it, it has never been great, and we’ve used it hard.

So, I took a deep breath, dug deep into the fiscal and mental preparations I stored for just such an event, and said: “fuck this”.

Fuck it!

I closed the door on the machine and told Mrs. Curmudgeon I wasn’t even going to try to fix it. She should select virtually any washing machine she wanted. Unlike my usual cheapskate nature, I’d buy it and smile while I cut the check. I even sniffed around Amazon hoping I could buy a full on white good appliance without ever setting foot in a store. (That didn’t work… for now. Give it time.) The local selection was not quite what Mrs. Curmudgeon had in mind but she too said “fuck this” and compromised on a choice from among the meager selection. Why? Because she wanted it replaced now. I dislike laundromats and Mrs. Curmudgeon hates them with a with hot loathing. We’re a bit low on funds now but we’ll get by.

It would be cooler to say I tore the goddamn thing down and welded a doohickey to a hand fabricated flapdoodle that bypassed the thingamajig and that managed to resurrect the POS. But sometimes it’s ok to say “fuck this”.

Rather than moan over the expense I’m trying to see the silver lining. We couldn’t have done that in years past. There was a time when a broken refrigerator was a tragedy and a car repair was a disaster. Not so much anymore. I’m still a cheap bastard. I don’t say “fuck this” often. Decades on the knife edge made me wary of “wasted money”. In fact, the key to using money like a “get out of jail free” card is to not need it that often.

But I sure do appreciate the option when I use it. How many snowflakes will never enjoy the magic of tossing cash at a problem because they never did anything else? For them, I see that “fuck you money” will ever be elusive. For me, I have hope. I don’t have “fuck you money” but, for now, I had just enough “fuck this money” and that’s a step in the right direction.

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.
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10 Responses to Fuck You Money Versus Fuck This Money: Part 2

  1. Jon says:

    Brother you must have been reading my mail…as we say in our church.

    “ather than moan over the expense I’m trying to see the silver lining. We couldn’t have done that in years past. There was a time when a broken refrigerator was a tragedy and a car repair was a disaster. Not so much anymore. I’m still a cheap bastard. I don’t say “fuck this” often. Decades on the knife edge made me wary of “wasted money”. In fact, the key to using money like a “get out of jail free” card is to not need it that often.”

    That’s the way we always lived. Because we had to. It taught us to husband resources well; waste not, want not. It taught us to be grateful for the blessings, even if the blessing was that things weren’t worse, or that the blessing was a friend who was willing to teach us how to fix things.

    Life can deal a hard hand sometimes. The measure of a man is how he handles adversity with grace. We’ve been measured a lot. Sometimes found worthy and sometimes found wanting.

    We don’t have much money. We are grateful for the Lord’s Providence and Protection. Do all things for the glory of God and be responsible. Our kids are young, homeschooled, and will never be snowflakes. It’s great to know that there are many other families like that; folks who aren’t keeping up with “infamous celebrities”. Families that work hard and appreciate what they have earned.

    Thanks for your blog. It’s been entertaining and occasionally inspiring.

  2. ILTim says:

    I took a job in another state, bought a house, and moved in. The washer and dryer looked like crap but I figured ‘who cares’ , they’ll do. Turned on the washer and I found myself standing in a puddle. Opened the door and choked on the moldy stench. It was apparently a craigslist find (or found in the woods) and set in the house for the sale without even being hooked up properly. Finances strained from the move and uncertainty surrounding my situation aside, I too said ‘fuck this’ and drove straight to a store and bought a shiny new washing machine.

    Kind of made me realize my good fortune.

  3. Rob says:

    You can’t buy time with money & fixing a washing machine takes time & leaves me feeling unhappy. Some jobs are fun, some are not, a washing machine is a “not”. Buying a new new one is my answer these days!
    FWIW A small $25 wet/dry vac will take care of leaks like a champ and will do other crap when it’s waiting for a leaking faucet, water heater or anything.
    It works great on wet carpet too…

  4. Andrew says:

    If your wife hasn’t selected a new machine yet, get her to buy a Speed Queen. Civilian versions of laundromat machines. Built like tanks. Works Strong like Bull. Analog models still available.

    No, you can’t buy them from (B)Lowes or Home Despot.

    You have to go to a real appliance store. Price is about the same or less than those damned HE machines that don’t work.

  5. spindlitis says:

    We had the transmission go out on a fairly new machine. Took it to a guy with a shop set up to repair appliances. He explained the problem and proceeded to tell us that we couldn’t afford any of the machines he had. We were puzzled by that, since we own two pieces of property, I work and my husband is retired. So we found a good free machine and left the old one with him.

  6. the neophyte says:

    Unfortunately for most of us, “fuck you money” will ever be out of reach. As John D Rockefeller said when asked how much money was enough money, “Just a little bit more”. On one hand it’s why so many people keep pushing and achieve more when they could comfortably step off the rat race but on the other hand, it’s also why so many people are keeping up with the Joneses. I hope I know when to step off but I fear I’ll always need “Just a little bit more.”

  7. Old Goat Patrol says:

    John Goodman’s speech

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