The Curmudgeon Gets The Gift of the Magi: Part 0

Physicists and science fiction writers (with considerable overlap) talk about a multiverse. This is the endearing idea that every possible situation exists in one dimension or another. On Christmas morning I caught a glimpse of a very close but distinct universe. It was the universe where we had to evacuate the house at 3 AM, on Christmas morning, when it was -20°. Contrary to what you might think, it was a pretty good universe; to experience such a universe is something I’d consider a privilege and an honor. It would’ve been one of those situations where the events of late 2017 would be fondly remembered for years to come. On the other hand, the cost of earning those charming memories would include standing in the snow while freezing my balls off in the blistering cold. Only people who’ve experienced -20 can describe what -20 is like. Suffice to say, it’s not a good climate for messing around with vision quests.

Given the opportunity to experience a morning of suck followed by an epic story, I deferred and changed the course of fate. However, I came close to getting the Gift of the Magi; good and hard.

Merry Christmas indeed.

Stay tuned…

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.
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12 Responses to The Curmudgeon Gets The Gift of the Magi: Part 0

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      They look awesome. When I saw one I thought “yeah I’ll buy one, why not”. But then I realized they want $20K for a beer! (With a share in a microbrew tacked on.) Count me out, the market has got to be saturated with breweries by now. (I’m sure Billy would know more than me.) That said, we have absolute proof that America has “investors” who’ll make $20K decisions based on a dead fuckin’ squirrel… which, probably explains a lot now that I think about it.

  1. Mark Matis says:

    Only -20??? What a wimp! Try -40 with a 30 mph wind if you want to talk cold.

    Which is why I no longer live in Bradford, Pennsylvania.

    • AdaptiveCurmudgeon says:

      Wind chill is something people use to exaggerate how bloody cold it is and to try to get kids to wear their damn jacket. “It’s 30 degrees but -50 with wind chill.” Technically it was -22 at dawn. Lets just say the grass won’t need mowing for a while.

      Relative temperature comparisons are weird at some level. There’s a certain undefinable temperature beyond which it’s unreasonably cold; once you’ve hit that temp you’ve hit the wall. To paraphrase Justice Potter Stewart in Jacobellis v. Ohio (1964) “I can’t define how cold is too cold but I know it when I see it.” When it gets below about -15 I spend more time babying machinery and “preserving civilization” than I do getting shit done. After that, -20, -30, -40… it’s all a matter of what kinds of plastic break on the few vehicles that run, calculating odds your livestock will die, hoping the power grid will hold, and waiting.

      Moving out of Bradford was a good idea. I’d like to live in a desert again. Of course I’ll be hearing the same temperature thing in reverse; “it’s 110 but it’s a dry heat”.

  2. Educated Savage says:

    Your chimney caught fire, didn’t it?

  3. Titan Mk6B says:

    I have spent time in -20 twice and definitely knew it both times. Can’t really say I saw it but I damned sure felt it.

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