Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 11: K-Cup Showdown

Billy and Doogie had just started mopping the floor when ECTO1 nearly plowed into the store. Achmed blinked in confusion. Doogie looked pensive. Billy beamed. Nothing says America like a private freelance ghost extermination team.

“Who ya’ gonna’ call?” Billy asked aloud.

“DON’T SAY IT!” Twitch erupted through the door, arms flailing.

“You drive a 1959 Cadillac hearse with a movie franchise logo on the side and you don’t want to hear the catch phrase?” Billy sneered.

“GHOSTBUSTERS!” Doogie shouted, grinning.

Twitch grabbed a bag from a nearby display and threatened to assault Doogie with a Super-sized Funyuns Pack.

“What on earth is a Ghostbuster?” Achmed interrupted.

Everyone paused, they all turned to Achmed.

“Really?” Billy growled.

Achmed suddenly felt very far from home. “Don’t throw coffee at me, I beg of you.”

All eyes turned to Billy’s three remaining cups, still steaming hot. Twitch focused on them like a laser. “COFFEE! NOW!!” Twitch reached for Billy’s coffee. “Nope.” Billy swatted Twitch like a gorilla might brush away a Chihuahua. Twitch fled to the coffee aisle and found it empty.

“IT’S ALL GONE!”

“Do you always speak in all caps?” Doogie teased.

“I got some coffee right here.” Billy warmed to the pitch.

“NEED IT!” Twitch staggered over Billy’s mop bucket and began pleading which, as is common these days, was a combination of whining and angry demands.

“One dime!” Billy cackled “Junk silver, two and a half grams melt value ought to do it.” He held out his hand as if everyone is carrying bullion. Incensed, Twitch grabbed one of Billy’s boxes of K-cups and waved it in front of the register’s UPC reader.


In an undisclosed location monitoring software which had been silent for weeks went apeshit. A logic statement had changed state! The NSA analyst leaned forward in his chair. He clicked a few keys. Monitors lit up with real-time video feeds. He grinned with malevolent satisfaction as he picked up one of his “special” phones. He loved using those phones!

“Get a chopper in the air. Now! I’ll brief you en route.”


Back in the store Achmed was wondering why the register had suddenly stopped working. Apparently, trying to sell more K-cups than the store actually had (by scanning one of Billy’s boxes a second time) had crashed the system.

Meanwhile Twitch was backing away from Billy while still clutching the box. Billy started stretching his neck in anticipation of some light aerobic exercise.

“You,” Doogie scolded “make bad decisions.”

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.

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