The Three Most Wonderful Words

I’m. Going. Camping.

What? You though it was some other phrase? Surely you jest!

I’ve been busier than a one legged man in as ass kicking contest. I need a break. Also, there are clouds on the horizon. We all know it’s not going to be sane the first week or two of November. It behooves us all to build a reserve of chill in these last minutes before something* happens.

I’ll be off line for a few days. It’s a good thing to do. Cartman, my spirit animal, expressed my attitude about media and politics right now: “you can go nyah, but I’m going over nyah.”

*I have no idea what something will happen. Frankly, nobody does. But we all suspect it’ll suck. It doesn’t have to suck. It’s possible that everything progress in a reasonable and orderly manner befitting a rational society of adults, it’s also possible that I’m a Chinese jet pilot.

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The Only 2023 Prediction That Is Certain

Uncertainty:

Future historians will have to decide. Is it year 2 of the “Bidenverse” or year 6 of “the left lost their shit because Hillary Clinton wasn’t crowned“? (I haven’t a name for the latter: “Orange-athon”? “Trump-ocalypse”? “Cheeto Jesus and the Harpy”? Nothing flows off the tongue like “Bidenverse”.)

Hell, maybe historians will say we’re in year 89 of “Franklin Delano Roosevelt perpetuates the Great Depression and aims America at a commie collapse“? Nobody in history knows what the future will think of their time. What we call “The Great Depression” was called “Tuesday” back in the day.

At any rate, shit is weird and getting weirder by the hour. We’ve been destabilized by starting at the baseline of crazy and then going stark raving mad. There’s not enough Kool-Aid in creation to make current times seem stable. By now, everyone and their dog is grudgingly accepting “this ain’t right”. In 2020, I referred to 2019 as “the before times” and people thought I was exaggerating. Now, everyone agrees. We all think “before the Covid flip out” is a different era.

We’re chained to the “what stupid thing have they done now” roller coaster. You get up in the morning, pour your coffee, and then find out what fresh hell has already been unleashed upon your day. You never quite know what will happen, only that something will. It’s usually initiated at levels where adults are supposed to be in control; indicating they’re not.

There’s a thousand ways to go nuts…

It starts by listening to nutcases. Maybe a 40 year old freaky loser in a speedo and leopard print tank top insists on teaching sexuality to your kindergartener. Or maybe it’s a clueless teenager. There’s nothing new about an autistic teenager bitching at everyone. This time and for no apparent reason people listened to her! She’s too dumb to know how it’ll affect your heating bill in Maine and so is everyone who listened to her.

Bankers used to be staid, now they’re starry eyed dipshits. They’ll do anything but their job. The whiff of reality is catching up with them too. Maybe PayPal wants to rob you, Wells Fargo did something funky and is mired in another lawsuit, or Twitter is considering everything but stock valuation when Elon wants to buy them. None of this is a legitimate banker’s job.

Maybe you’re wondering when the jackbooted thugs are coming for you? The president gave a speech about the portion of the American citizenry he wants punished (everyone who didn’t vote for him). You know if you’re on his shit list. You know what he wants to do to you. The only question is if he has the power.

Maybe you’re on the other side? You can’t wait for those rural redneck bastards to get incarcerated, but your urban shopping mall is under siege and some dude shit on the lawn while stealing your bicycle. Is that the better side to be on? It seems to me that both sides are miserable.

Remember when political prisoners were in far off places like Bulgaria? Now it’s right here in River City! Prisoners are approaching two years in the tank awaiting trial. We all wonder which FBI plants got to skate leaving their victims to get tagged for “parading”. Did you ever hear of the crime of “parading” before the Bidenverse? A world where lawyers and judges argue over American political prisoners who “paraded” is one where adults are not in charge. Maybe nobody is in charge.

Society reels with what I call “madness hangover”; that feeling you get when you look back and think “how did something that crazy happen to me?”. Maybe you’re still financially recovering from getting shitcanned when you didn’t take the vax. Maybe you willingly took the vax because the TV guy was wearing a lab coat and you got sick anyway! Now you wonder if your heart will implode. If you reluctantly took the vax to keep your job, what further indignity your employer inflict on you next time?

Anyone with modest reasoning ability (on both sides of the spectrum) is watching the truth trickle out. None of it looks good. The crazy conspiracy guys were more right than wrong. The economy is toast. Your neighbor wears a mask alone in her car. The lady down the street became a shut in. Your kid missed two years of school and is noticeably stupid. Did it have to be that way?

I’ve seen this before; though in a lower dose. There was a time in the 1970’s and beyond when nothing went right. Inflation went apeshit, gas got expensive, an ice age was going to freeze us all to death, and AIDS had everyone terrified (Fauchi was mucking about back then too). Tragically, people listened to disco! The cars sucked, the speed limit was 55 MPH, and there was no craft beer.

The only good news is that most people figured the elections were fair and in most places (outside of Chicago) then might well have been. The press sometimes (even if by accident) told the truth. And we won an epic hockey game in 1980. That was nice.

Crime was soaring but I don’t remember being afraid of the cops. Nor do I remember cops standing by while looters and arsonists ram amok. They at least tried.

I don’t remember the president trying to go after people’s livelihood. Nobody sane talked about the military attacking Americans in America, so that was nice. But I was just a kid; maybe all that shit happened too.

Foreign policy now is a lot like the shitty 1970’s, you can always count on misled nations to inch toward nuclear war. Something about “imaginary until it happens” attracts losers to nuclear Armageddon. It’s usually “leaders” who really really really suck at actual wars. Mutually assured destruction is back baby! President More Votes Than Any Other President has been reliving the Cuba missile crisis as if that was a fun time. It sucked! Who wants to repeat that!?!? What’s next, a Bay of Pigs invasion? Back then it was Kennedy against Cuba (you’ll notice how well he liberated Cuba). Now we’re playing USSR’s role and Ukraine is playing Cuba. The Soviets Union is long gone and the Russian Federation is pissed but nobody in DC seems to know. They never updated their map. Or will the next war be Biden versus Baltimore?

Anyway, it is what it is. Shit got chaotic because the normal limits were not maintained. Nobody knows who’s in charge. Right now, the consent of the governed is not linked with the people in power.

Which brings me to November 8th, 2022. In 21 days there will be mid-term elections.

It’s an opportunity! It could be a moment of healing! It doesn’t matter who wins so long as we see the wise and honorable transmission of power from old to new. If everything goes down squeaky clean and transparent it could restore trust in the systems which…

BWA HA HA HA HA… no fuckin’ way!

The idiots who drove the car toward the cliff are determined to maintain course all the way to the bottom. We aren’t going to have a sudden outbreak of wise leadership. Many people really do need to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

Of all the things that could have happened in the last two years to restore confidence only a few came to fruition. Is it enough? Nobody knows. All we know is that something will happen in 21 days. Hopefully it’ll be fairy clean. Anything short of a total clusterfuck would be a good sign.

If it’s ugly and nobody knows who “really won”, I don’t know what will happen but it’ll be messy. Whatever form it takes, it’ll suck and I want nothing to do with it.

Certainty:

Chaos can get ya’ down. But that’s just the world of man.

Have no fear, there’s something better! Beyond The Black has our back!

God bless that blog! No matter how chaotic our circus world gets, something awesome will happen in 2023 and something even better in 2024. Remember this:

Nothing anyone on planet earth does, no matter how stupid and destructive, can stop the glory and beauty of an eclipse.

Hang your hat on it. The skies will blaze forth in a display of glory and beauty. I’ll shine on all; good and bad, dumb and wise, innocent and tyrant… nobody can stop it.

That’s the best part of a celestial event. The distracted and stupid society of barely evolved apes beneath cannot destroy it. I’m making plans for those two events. You should too; especially the full eclipse. If you want to see the universe… go to the right time and the right place. Look for yourself. Don’t watch it on TV. It’s not the same. Be there or be square!

Now you’ve got something for which to look forward. Good luck.

A.C.

P.S. Here’s my story of 2017:

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More Escapism

Y’all know I’m fascinated with earworms… after all, it’s just a hop skip and a jump from an earworm to drinking Jim Jones‘ Kool Aid. Picture of Jim Jones below:

Huh, nobody’s laughing. Too soon? OK fine, here’s a photo of the head of the CDC:

Ahhh… so where was I? Oh yeah, earworms, the mind control we can all agree we’ve actually recognized. It occurs to me that folks might think earworms are a modern thing. Wrong! We monkeys have been planting tunes in each other’s skulls since the first caveman drilled holes in a femur and made a flute.

Lets start with an earworm from 1899. Maple Leaf Rag is one of my favorite tunes. Simple yet catchy. Timeless yet also the instant signifier of an era. As soon as you hear it your mind immediately recognizes the sepia toned era. Sometime between the turn of the century and the great depression.

Scott Joplin was a genius. His music was a complete mindblower in his time and it still rocks. If only it had been at the time of AM radio Joplin would’ve wound up living in a solid gold house. Here’s a photo of popular musician from 120 years ago; Scott Joplin.

For comparison purposes, here’s a photo of popular musician from right now; Lizzo.

Enough wallowing in modern crapulence. Here’s Duke Ellington and the boys showing us how it’s done.

Take the A Train was a standard, meaning everyone could play it. I think it’s from 1939 but I wasn’t there so what the hell do I know? Duke Ellington nailed it and made it his own. This clip is a movie from 1943. Talkies baby! That’s where the action was at!

By the way, I don’t recognize the singer. It’s the right time to be Billie Holiday but it sounds too high pitched for her excellent voice. I’m not good with faces. I simply assume it’s not her. It’s my assumption if Billie Holiday and Duke Ellington occupied the same stage, the planet would probably implode as the galactic cool factor overcame Newtonian Physics.

Also, I should have known but if you google Billie Holiday from the middle of the Bidenverse (year of our decline, circa 2022), you’ll get buried in clips of Strange Fruit. A good song for sure! But such a shame to nuke the woman’s massive accomplishments and many good songs just to highlight one that’s overtly political. I like Strange Fruit but it’s not, in my humble opinion, her best singing. It’s certainly not an earworm.

This next song isn’t much of an earworm either. Depending on your generation you might not resonate with you. It’s from before my time but I’m an odd duck and love it. I’m providing it to remind us all that not every song is an autotune nightmare.

That song was the Chordettes in 1954. Simply beautiful.

Now that I’ve got you all chilled out, let’s switch from Mr. Sandman to Enter Sandman (Metallica, 1991).

Is all your chill gone? Good!

Let’s wrap this up shall we? The last clip isn’t an earworm. It’s a fictional portrayal of Mozart being simultaneously a genius and a shithead. I always loved this scene. Mozart was the heavy metal of his time and he was genuinely brilliant. For us modern nitwits, that think music in old timey days was all stuffed shirts and powdered wigs remember this, if Mozart was born today he’d be filling arenas while pissing off every record company in creation. Mozart would have cancel culture chasing his ass from day one. He probably wouldn’t care.

Mozart starts getting his freak on around 7:00 so I timed the clip to start about then.

Have a great Monday y’all:

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Today’s Escapism

Thanks for buying a coffee! Y’all know who you are! Also to the fella that was like “fuck it, I’m using PayPal”; you’re a classic bad ass! In fact everyone here is filling me with a little faith in humanity. We may be in the Bidenverse but not everyone is a boring chump. Thanks!

Unfortunately, things have gotten ahead of me. My HAM radio fiddling is working but slow. (Thanks for the advice everyone!) I’m stalled waiting on an antenna from Amazon. (Virtually none of what I needed was available locally. The day Amazon goes woke is the day I break free of the material world; look for me fishing next to a van down by the river.) That’s the thing with HAM radios, they’re specifically NOT plug and play.

That and other things mean I’ve fallen behind in a planned post. I decided to do a blog clipshow. I had some links I’ve wanted to post but never got around to it. There’s no rhyme nor reason to my selections, they just suit my fancy. Today’s the day to be random.


First we begin with my only reaction to the bridge in Crimea:

Here’s a version with commentary by period appropriate satirical morons:


Since we’re going through another “nuclear crisis” (which I think is really a “bad leadership crisis”) I was reminded of the Cold War. I decided to add one of my favorite songs from the darker time to which elites seem to want regression. I remember when East Germany was East Germany and when the Soviet Union was the Soviet Union. That was bad shit that anybody sane would prefer to avoid.

It ended about as well as ever could be hoped but then fruit loops among us decided to play the whole thing on repeat locally. Why!?! “That sucked when it happened to those people over there, lets shove it up our own ass right here in River City!” The mind boggles.

Doubt me? Remember it’s only a year since Americans were informed they would be legally unemployable without an injection. Imagine creating an underclass by law and on purpose. That’s the kind of shit you get when managers have more power than merit. They seek to impose spreadsheets on actual humans and start breaking eggs to make omelets. It only paused when people like me (and presumably you) said “fuck that”. It wasn’t cattle cars yet; but the operative word was yet. It never would have ended if they had the power to keep it going. It was a damn close thing that ‘aint over yet!

It’s also weird that people who know the cold war that ended somehow don’t know the cold war ended. I’m getting pretty frustrated with people who haven’t figured out that life has changed. Even if Putin is a genuine Bond villain the Russian Federation is not the USSR. Destabilizing the whole world to expand NATO with which to hold back a Warsaw Pact that no longer exists? Who came up with that and did they ever play Risk? I remember when nobody knew who ran the Kremlin; now I live in a world where nobody knows who’s calling the shots in DC.

For those that pine for the drab days of bleak iron curtain misery, I present Falco:

If you don’t speak German (I don’t) here’s a translation. I’ll post a bit of it:

“Don’t turn around, look, look,
the Commissioner is out and about!
He’ll keep his eye on you
and you know why.
Your zest for life will kill you.”

That’s a thing to ponder… people for whom someone else’s zest for life is a threat.

I’m glad that time is over. I don’t want anything to do with anything going on in either Ukraine or Russia. I’m enemies with nobody out there. I shoulder responsibility for neither.


For no particular reason, here’s a photo of Archduke Franz Ferdinand:

Ferdinand Schmutzer - Franz Ferdinand von Österreich-Este, um 1914.jpg

Those who do not know history are doomed to fuck things up.


If you’ve scrolled this far you’ve got Falco stuck in your head and are sick of my overly serious pontification. Touché! Here comes something utterly irrelevant. It’s the most deadly earworm of all:

That shit is hardwired! I joke about squirrels and Abba but Falco had a mind like a vise. He could probably run us like robots had he wanted. Also, you’ll be hearing the song for hours… you’re welcome.


One last link: Click to see the whole two hours of Batman remastered as a silent movie. I watched a few minutes and found it strangely beautiful. I like that such a thing exists. I’ll be watching the whole thing over the weekend. YMMV.

 

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Please Buy Me A Coffee

PayPal fucked around and found out. Everyone is dropping them and moving elsewhere. This is one time I’m following the herd.

This is a link to Buy Me A Coffee. You can send tips/donate there!

Details: Each “coffee” is a unit of $5. One coffee is $5, ten coffees is $50. If you want to donate a specific number like $123.89 you’ll have to convert to the nearest number of coffees. Why is banking now configured in coffee based denominations? I blame common core math but what do I know. Frankly it makes as much sense as anything else that’s happening and I do love me some coffee.

Good news is you don’t have to do a lot of stuff on your end. It’s like “click, boom, done”. Super easy. Takes 30 seconds or less. The other good news is I don’t keep anyone’s personal data… which is how I’ve always rolled.

It’s a one time thing. I haven’t figured out recurring coffee subscriptions yet. The people that make whimsical banking interfaces think in too many unicorns per terawatt for me to figure out that part of the setup.

Please donate if you wish. People who donate to squirrel based bloggers are more attractive to the opposite sex, get higher MPG, and have better hair. This is scientifically proven in the study I just made up.

A.C.

P.S. If you still want to donate via PayPal or Patreon go for it. I’m keeping those links live for now. (Links are on the sidebar at the right.)

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My Obligatory Post About How PayPal Just Shit Its Pants

Before I begin my next camping story, I need to address blog logistics in the woke realm.

PayPal borked itself. Bwa ha ha ha!

My reaction is laughter at the hilarity of morons. How can you not enjoy the show? It’s not like we haven’t seen every online platform and most large corporations go woke like lemmings jumping into a wood chipper. It’s not like any of them have reaped soaring stock prices after doing the deed. Sooner or later the urge to SJW suicide was coming to PayPal. A predictable event gives you a chance to anticipate it and so it had no affect on me. Also, please keep showering me with tips in whatever new system I setup AND the legacy PayPal link I’ll keep up for a while.

Just before I left to go camping last week, PayPal announced it would steal up to $2,500 if they “felt like it”. OK they actually said “misinformation” but we live in the Bidenverse. In our world of universal deceit, “misinformation” has literally no other meaning than “we inhabit one side of the political spectrum and enjoy behaving unethically toward the other half”. The fact that people will destroy their own business doing so is the punchline to the joke.

I’m not going to pretend to care about PayPal’s terms of service. Who would? They were lining up for straight up theft. They deserve what is happening to them now. Nor does telling the truth have anything to do with “misinformation”. There are countless examples of “misinformation” that turned out to be 100% true.

“Misinformation” justifies theft as a means of punishment for Wrongthink? Orwell you sexy bitch, you called it!

Do you remember a time before “misinformation” was a word? It wasn’t that long ago. Think hard. Try to remember the “before times”. “Trillion” only came into use when the Federal debt got ridiculous, “misinformation” only became everything that reflects poorly on one side the political spectrum when that side started (successfully!) censoring everything within its reach. It’ll stay that way until it changes. (Yes, I know that last statement sounds dumb but there’s a meaning and I hope y’all get it.)

We see the relationship between “misinformation” and bullshit already. Bullshit is the old way to lie, the new way is to label true things “misinformation”. Eventually it comes out in the wash. Soon even your elderly mother’s cat figures out the totality of the bullshit. As soon as that happens, kool-aid drinkers memory hole the whole thing and find some other thing to censor. The good news is a few more people learn to hate the media each time the cycle repeats.

Here’s some “misinformation” that nobody but the completely deluded still accept: “Hunter Biden’s laptop is a Russian plant”, “Russia, Russia, Russia… Trump did collusion and the Steele Dossier we paid for proves it!”, “This polar bear is sick because you keep too much of your own money”. My favorite is a recurring old time classic that’s been around my whole life: “gas in USA is unexpectedly expensive temporarily because of <someone or something that has hardly any influence on America’s energy policy> and it has nothing to do with the current president”. (Ah yes, the latter is words from Carter and Obama repeated through the drooling mouth of Biden. Presidents that mismanage energy policy always blame some external force.)

Other facts are still going through the “misinformation” digestive process. For a little while it’s still possible for a sane person to go along with the narrative. It doesn’t last. Everyone with basic reasoning skills knows where it’s going. In due time, the evidence comes clear and everyone save the true cultists accepts that they were lied to. The sheep who got swept up in the moment pretend they knew it was crap all along. The rest of us smelled bullshit on day one but nobody listened. It’s neither your nor my fault people when people act in gullible herds.

Here are some examples of mid-digestion heresy. The truth is coming out slowly and painfully but inexorably… like a that time you ate four pounds of cheese and nearly lost your soul taking a dump 30 hours later. Here goes: “the 2020 vote was so squeaky clean you can eat off the Dominion receipt”, “the vaccine was necessary, safe, and effective, just like the crusty bandanna you wear alone in your car, and we didn’t mean it when we fired you from your job and made Grandma die alone”, “plucky glorious Ukraine is kicking mean evil Russia’s ass so completely Putin will be overthrown by his own people in June of 2022”, and “everyone in California will buy an electric car by 2030 which they’ll effortlessly charge on a grid that can’t reliably keep the air conditioners running in 2022”. When processing the narrative, remember to flush afterward.

Anyway, PayPal is just another pebble in the avalanche of stupid. I’m nobody’s bitch and you aren’t either. PayPal is a fart in a windstorm.

As a blogger, I read the announcement they sent and checked my account within the hour. Inside of 90 minutes, the account was emptied. Easy peasy. (I had like $53 in there.) That’s it. I spent my tiny savings and then went camping. PayPal could try to steal the $0 I left behind. Good luck with that! That’s how you deal with woke corporations.

My camping trip was short. By the time I got back within cell/wifi range PayPal was backtracking. “I didn’t mean to hit you baby, it was a misunderstanding , I’ve changed, please come back to me…” It didn’t last a single weekend! Can you imagine trying to say you’d “accidentally” written up a terms of service contract? “Why just the other week I tripped and accidentally wrote and published an update to my corporate warranty policy as I fell… these things happen.”

To quote Sarah:

“…what Paypal did was the equivalent of pulling down its shorts and shooting themselves where it hurts.”

Sarah thinks PayPal is already dead. She may have a point:

“For financial services to say “we will take your money at random, with no appeal” is like a restaurant saying “We will randomly poison you because we feel like it.” There is no coming back from that. They’re doomed.”

As for me, I’m too busy hunting gamebirds to get too worked up. Did I freak out? Nope. Did I cancel my PayPal account? Not yet, but I will eventually. Everyone is diligently looking for alternatives. I’ll wait and see what winner rises out of PayPal’s ashes. When I setup an account with whomever it is, I’ll post a link. I’ll either delete PayPal or leave it live but forever keep the account nearly empty. In the meantime, you can always send me tons and tons of cash ‘cause I’m so awesome!

Incidentally, adapting to woke assholes ought to be second nature now. It’s why my blog started on WordPress but it isn’t there now. (If you’re still on WordPress or Blogspot… fix that right now!) YouTube acts like tyrants so I never posted a YouTube video. I’m not on Twitter because very little intelligence ever got posted to Twitter. F***book grossed me out so much I quickly abandoned the idea. I don’t have my balls in PayPal’s vice because putting your balls in anyone’s vice is a dumb thing to do.


Note: Nobody else has gone there so I will…

While everyone’s bailing on PayPal it’s a good time to mention a fundamental flaw in the 500 pound showman gorilla in the room. The dumbest most boomerific failure the Orange Menace ever did was to whine about Twitter. Men do not whine. Men do not beg. Men adapt! Cheeto Jesus should have bailed on Twitter the exact hour they went full retard and banned him. Something about Trump, he has internal limits to his thinking about things like Twitter and Fauchi; he simply couldn’t see how badly he was being mis-treated. I’m not sure why.

He should have called a press event and handled it like this:

“As the human embodiment of all that terrifies the left I was banned from Twitter eleven minutes ago. Losers! All future press releases starting immediately will go out on this specific alternate venue which I own and host. I shall call it OrangeVerse and it’ll be yuge! I will also broadcast daily in 14 languages using a six bazillion megawatt shortwave radio station. I built the antenna, which is also yuge, on a floating platform. It’s located just beyond international waters off the shore of Delaware. I call it Radio Free Orange and my technicians say I’m using so much power that it will be picked up and audibly vibrate on barbed wire fences in Malaysia. Nothing can stop it! As for Twitter, they’re bad, very very dumb… and I’m going to crush them like grapes to make grape soda (I don’t drink you know). Also I’m writing 95 policy statements. I wrote them in crayon while I was flying in my big gold jet. I will personally nail the statements to Nancy Pelosi’s front door. Someone told me a German dude did that in 1517 and it really riled people up. I may be a rich blowhard but part of being a blowhard is never having to bend over for a social media platform. Twitter can suck my gigantic orange balls.”

See how easy that is? I’m a minor self-financed blogging nobody. Yet I have options that Captain Trumpster failed to seize for himself. I fear no clamping vice because I’m not in one. If a billionaire can’t figure it out that’s a big hole in his perception.


Don’t get me wrong, I love tips… the side income it really does help. But PayPal is replaceable. They can’t call the shots on my blog. I’ll write whatever I want. I like saying true things in a time of universal deceit. I like it when people enjoy my stories. If I ever feel chained by some “misinformation” rule set by a green haired mutant in a woke company, I’ll pull the plug on this blog myself. I’ll staple mimeographs of the squirrel stories to a telephone pole if I have to.

That’s one way to know your personal degree of freedom. Do you have the self-reliance and self-confidence to set your own rules and live accordingly? That’s why I didn’t fret about PayPal. There’s no need. I drained the account and kept on truckin’. They lost a big piece of their business model and I bought $50 in camping gear. They lose, I win.

Anyway, I don’t need to flee PayPal in terror, just saunter away. I’ll use it while they wither. I’ll find alternatives on my own schedule. I’ll ignore them when they die. Even Elon Musk is planning to move to Mars.

A.C.

P.S. No matter what, you should always feel free to send me tons of tips through any link on my site. I’ll pry that shit out of whatever corporate deebs circle such things and spend it righteously. It’ll either pay hosting fees or go towards fun stuff like bourbon, ammo, HAM radios, and motorcycle gas!

P.S. Some amusing links: F**k PayPal.

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It’s The Season

I didn’t take the photo; I just grabbed it from somewhere. It seemed appropriate. It’s fall, the most beautiful of the seasons… and the most achingly fleeting.

I’m heading out to enjoy it. I’ll be off grid. I’ll report back later. If you’re in a place with fall foliage and cool enjoyable weather, get your ass out there and enjoy it!

A.C.

P.S. A HAM radio is en route. Thank you all for your helpful comments! The radio I got is not quite what I was planning but it’ll be within what I was budgeting (the budget slack will be gobbled up by accessories but it is what it is and hopefully the accessories will do the job intended). I’ll report back on the radio project when it arrives and when (if?) I get it running.

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HAM Question: Please Help

I need the assistance of an “Elmer”. (The term “Elmer” in this context meaning someone who provides personal guidance and assistance to would-be hams.)

I’m trying to level up my HAM radio with limited money and even more limited time.

I got tired of my Baeofeng Handhelds. They punch above their weight class but handhelds kinda’ annoy me and programming the Baeofeng was like hiking in a swamp after dark. (Either I should work on my analogies or y’all should try midnight swamp hiking.)

I want a mobile radio with 2M capacity that’s easy to program. The problem is I got wind of DMR and suddenly think I can’t live with out it. I don’t know if that’s true or I’m just buying hype. I haven’t tried DMR. I’m within range (I think) of a DMR repeater.

I also would like to use Winlink sometime in the future. (I’ve no idea if any of these radios is better or worse for Winlink.) I do have a Windows computer I can use for programming and running Winlink.

The mobile will live on my desk 90% of the time and go camping occasionally. Not mounted in a truck but lugged around in an ammo can.

At home I plan to power it with a 10 amp regulated power supply (running on 120V AC). I got the power supply at a garage sale decades ago. I assume it works. If it’s shot, I’ll get something else.

Eventually I’ll pick up a Jackery (which I can’t afford right now) to power it while camping.


I found two radios that might fit the bill.

The first is a Radiooddity DB25-D Dual Band DMR Mobile Radio. It costs around $240. It’s a weird little critter. About half the size of a regular mobile. Max power is 20W (which ought to hit repeaters from my house but maybe not while camping). I like the funky form factor. Reviews are um… mixed. Some say  it’s awesome. Some say it’s a hot mess. (There’s a near duplicate radio called the Retevis RT73 Dual Band DMR Mobile Radio.)

 

The other contender is the TYT MD-9600 GPS Dual Band DMR Mobile Transceiver. Slightly more expensive at $285 (I was trying to stay under $250 and ideally closer to $200.) The advantage is that it has 50W power and it’s not a weirdly shaped half radio. The reviews for this one too are um… mixed. If there’s a clear winner I’m too dumb to identify it.

I’m a victim of analysis paralysis. Right now I favor the Radiooddity because it sounds like my favorite David Bowie song. Illogical? Absolutely!

So there you go, a chance to save me from David Bowie based decision-making.

Thanks for any help, public or private.

A.C.


There’s one more option. I could dispense with my bullshit fascination with DMR and just get a plain old dual band or single band. This would either save me like $100 on an “off brand” or a $20 bucks on a “high end brand”.

Here’s a “low end” (?) TYT TH-9000D. It is 2M only, dispenses with the DMR ability, looks like it’s mostly plastic… but it’s dirt cheap at $145 and transmits at 60W. I have no idea how hard it would be to program this radio. Anyone care to opine?

Here’s a “high end” (?) Yaesu FT-2980 for $226 (still cheaper than my DMR ideas). It’s not a dual band (2M only) but it broadcasts at a mighty 80W. (80 Watt seems like overkill!) I’ve never heard anyone bitch that a Yaesu is junk?

I assume a name brand rig is a would be easier to operate/program. Is that true?


Honorable mention: I should also mention that I looked at the TWAYRDIO Dual Band VHF UHF Back Pack Mobile Transceiver. At $229 for a non-DRM dual band mobile from a no name brand, it’s pricey. However, this strange beast has a built in battery!

It’s cheesy as hell (camouflage?!?) but it has an integrated battery, which I liked. The reviews for this were very negative. About 20% liked it and 80% said it’s crap, which is what I guessed from the “tacticool paintjob”. It’s off my list but deserves mention because of the battery.


Last note, I’ve included links to Amazon because that’s where I (like many people) shop. If you buy anything by following my links I get a little gift certificate from Amazon (it costs you nothing). In case you think I’m a greedy running dog of capitalism… well ok I like capitalism but Amazon links scarcely count. I got less than $7.50 in Amazon kickbacks last month, so I’m not exactly getting rich off them and that’s not why I include them.

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Ducks Are Awesome

This clip reminded me of my duck (or rather one particular duck of note) who is long dead. I saw the clip and practically shouted “TO FREEDOM AND STUPIDITY!” You had to know my duck to understand.

That stupid duck is the only livestock for whom I’ve written a eulogy. If you don’t want to read all the bits of the duck’s strange life (which so fascinated yours truly), you can click to news of his demise and how I took it. It ends like this:

Thor continued “He died as he lived… free and stupid!

He paused to refill his flagon. “TO FREEDOM AND STUPIDITY!” He shouted. We all joined in with a hearty shout and a great brain cell killing drink.

I invite you all to share a drink in memory of Bowling Pin Chicken: “TO FREEDOM AND STUPIDITY!”

Trust me on this, any one of us would be proud and lucky to live half as well as that stupid silly duck. Tonight I’m going to do a shot in honor of him!

His whole story is covered in:

The Strange Life Of Bowling Pin Chicken: To Freedom And Stupidity

The story is also on my Notable Sagas page.

I still miss that feathery little bastard!

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Camp And Sail Part 5: If You Go Where You Wish, What More Is There?

The winds were mild. Sometimes dropping to nothing. Occasionally picking up and sending my boat charging ahead. Not that I’m complaining that I had motive power, but I never got the hang of intermittent wind. I couldn’t completely relax when the air was dead. It seemed the very instant my attention faded would be the instant when she started another run. I dunno’ if that’s a thing I’ll eventually gain through experience or what?

I meant the boat to operate in light breezes and chose the sail plan with that in mind. It lived up to that design specification. A breeze that could scarcely blow out a birthday candle was all she needed to keep moving.

I started circling the lake in a big parallelogram traverse, orbiting an area of maybe a mile by a half mile. I tried coaxing more from the gusts but it’s not fun for me. I didn’t like to grab too hard at the sky. Better to give the mainsheet some slack, sail flat, and avoid drama.

I don’t have any gear to measure the wind so I tried calculating “birthday candle breezes” (BCB). It felt like a steady 2 BCB wind was plenty to bring my little craft up to “stupidly faster than canoe” speed… which is just the sweet spot I’ve been aiming for. It’s pretty heartening because I used to be a canoe guy. I was fearless with them and loved them but canoes are just damn slow so my bar is set low. (Also, I’ve no desire whatsoever to go fast. If I wanted to go fast I’d have bought a damn Jetski. In my mind, “exciting” sailing takes away from the magic of sailing. The pell mell full tilt lean that sail over and hang your ass off the high side to keep the bucking bronco under control slalom just turns me off.) I mostly managed the speed of “not annoying the loons” with zero drama. Steady 1 or 2 BCB winds could handle that easily.

Unfortunately, the breeze didn’t stay at 2 BCB. It died to zero often and with no warning. Nor did it stay at the same compass point when the breeze came back.

This year has been wetter than last. The lake didn’t seem any higher than the last time I was there but the water plants seemed… softer? Experimenting I sailed my ass straight into clusters of waterborne weeds. The boat would pivot as the weeds slowed us but if the wind was anything more than minimal the daggerboard could be coaxed to tear through them. I wound up dragging some weeds on my rudder and daggerboard but I didn’t care and they soon fell off anyway. (This is just one of many “what can this thing do” experiments I’ve done with my boat.)

With a canoe and calm conditions like these I can point straight across a lake and paddle toward a target like a slow but precise laser beam. My boat caught bits of wind here and there and often moved quite faster, but measured in terms of “am I going where I want to” I wasn’t much faster than a canoe at all. Then again, another 10% of wind would have me blasting out of my own shadow… so I still think I was doing well.

I snapped a few photos and it was gorgeous on the water. However, my GoPro has been giving me issues and I don’t like interacting with my cell phone when I ought to be in the moment. So, I didn’t get many pictures.

I wish I could have someone on shore take photos of my little boat. It looks pretty, but I can’t take a picture of what I’m already in. I started daydreaming of tripods and timers but then decided the world could live without more pretty photos.

There was a lake with a little boat and it looked like a pleasant dream. You’ll just have to take my word for it.

The boat was going more or less where I asked. Maybe not fast or directly, but it was getting there.

I decided to duck into a narrow channel to challenge myself. Not the best idea. The wind went from a hint of a breeze to dead calm. I stopped moving. Also, I was getting tired. I needed to get out and stretch.

I have oars but they’re hard to use when a sail is in the way. Finally I used my emergency collapsible paddle and splashed my random way toward a likely shore. This was a sloppy foolish looking mess but there was only one witness.

A loon paused from its fishing to watch me flounder by. It seemed entirely unconcerned as I approached; probably because I was moving at the speed of a tired snail.

This loon was super chill about my boat. About an hour later something (?) tried to eat it.

I got to shore and splashed out of the boat. This was a small victory. You can be forgiven for thinking that every inch of shore on a lake is suitable for landing a tiny boat. Not so! In some places the substrate under the water is muck. Locals sometimes call it loon-shit. Some of those deposits are pretty gross… pure organic goo that goes seemingly to the center of the earth. You know how sometimes a prehistoric “bog person” comes to attention in an Irish swamp? I don’t want to be that guy!

In this case the substrate was nice clean sand but it was littered with fallen tree trunks. It looked like a great place to fish but I’d left my fishing stuff back at camp. I slotted between two hull eating logs only to bonk my mast into an overhanging tree branch.

No worries. The little boat can handle a tree branch or three. I dropped the useless sail, tied up the hull, and then checked my knot like three times.

I was in a place where I’d be stuck for ages if the boat drifted away. I thought about this as I walked up the steep slope and away. When I was a teenager I could swim across a mile of lake easy enough. Now? Definitely not a mile. With a sore wrist? Best not to even entertain the idea… I went back down the slope and tied a second line and knot.

I was on a narrow spit of land. If I know my geography I’d say it was a glacially created esker… though it could be just coincidence. The area had been sheltered from fire and nicely drained due to the steep slope so it was a righteous little pine patch. There was another lake on the other side of the esker… the two bodies connected by the narrow channel where I’d gotten stuck in dead air.

The moss was so deep the walking was more like maneuvering on a green mattress than soil. I’m sure the place would have been inhuman a few weeks earlier during mosquito season. Thank God it had frozen them out a few days ago. There was nobody but me and the loons. It was beautiful and shaded and deep green. Yoda would have liked it there.

The loon I’d been watching was idling not far from my boat. Another loon showed up. I began scanning the opposite shore with my binoculars. Lots of fallen trees, the other side of the esker (maybe) showed logs that seemingly dropped steeply down into dark water. If I was a fish… that’s where I’d be.

Just then the first loon went absolutely berserk! I’ve never seen anything like it. It suddenly started squawking and tearing a hole in the lake and thrashing around. Loons don’t take off fast but this one flapped into the air like it had been punted. It looked for all the life of me as if something from below had grabbed it.

There’s basically nothing in this environment that can pull down a full sized loon but I know a pike will hit on anything if it gets the idea in its fishy mind. Did a big pike see a black loon foot and decide to go for it? I didn’t see a pike but unless there are Canadian alligators nearby I have no other theory. I don’t think I’ll skinny dip there!

After a snack and some water I was eager to get back. The sun was setting faster than I’d like. Unfortunately the wind was just nothing. A butterfly flapping it’s wings would be an improvement. I was at least a couple miles from the dock and my truck. This would be a challenge!

The boat isn’t hard to row but there’s a sail and rudder and daggerboard and rigging and you can only squeeze so much into the tiny area. I got clever. I tied up the sail to the boom and hoisted the fluffy mess with the haulyard. It was slightly above head level. To keep the boom more or less centered I tied the mainsheet to the rudder. A few years ago I installed little cleats and lines so I can clip the rudder port and starboard so it tracks mostly straight. Then I pulled the daggerboard and lifter the rudder mostly out of the water.

On paper it was genius. In practice, it wasn’t bad but it wasn’t ideal. My oars could do the job but it was clumsy at best. I rowed out to more or less the edge of the narrows. The wind picked up so I stowed the oars, and re-rigged as a sailing vessel. I caught a breeze and made some headway, but then it was gone.

The water turned glassy. Shit! Then it turned to 1 BCB and I sputtered into motion again. Unfortunately, I had to tack back and forth trying to inch toward the landing. It worked, somewhat. I’d move at walking speed on one tack until I was about to hit the shallow weeds near the wrong shore. Then I’d tack the other way at half walking speed until I was in the middle of the lake. Lather rinse repeat.

I worked across the lake and got 95% of the way to the landing. Then the wind died for well and good. The water was completely smooth… not a breath of wind. There was nothing I could do but repeat all my rigging efforts and row the last couple hundred yards, which I did.

Back at the dock I tied up, retrieved my utility trailer, and used the Dodge to sink it in a lake. I drifted the boat onto the trailer and got soaked to the knees. I drove up onto shore and by then the sun was really low. I retied everything so it would be safe it if got windy, unhitched the trailer, and left it there. Then I headed to camp.

Back at camp I was too tired to cook anything clever. I boiled water and dropped it into a freeze dried packet. It was a brand I wasn’t familiar with. The taste was incredible but the texture was awful. I think I won’t buy that brand again.

I grabbed some kindling for my little stove but didn’t light it. I just stashed it in the tent and hung up my soaked pants in case they might drip dry a little. I was exhausted. Uncharacteristically, I was in bed before the night was really in full swing. It was a great day. The boat took me more or less wherever I wanted to go. What more is there?

Posted in Fall_2022, Travelogues, Walkabout | 10 Comments