Halloween used to be my favorite holiday. It’s sad I’m not celebrating today. It just didn’t happen this year.
As a kid I actually preferred Halloween to Christmas. (The best kind of holiday would involve running around in the dark while wearing scary homemade costumes! How can you not prefer that? Sure Christmas has presents but nothing says fun like tearing around a neighborhood in the dark while dressed as Dracula! For the moment, let’s leave the the true religious meaning of Christmas for Peanuts specials. I’m talking about the shallow dumb shit level of understanding a tyke aged Curmudgeon had. I’ll always take experiences over stuff. Chocolate eggs are cool but if Easter meant scuba diving in a shark cage I’d have been all over that shit! What? You think all kids are greedy little Gordon Gekko clones? Of course they aren’t!)
Anyway I’ve been out of the loop and I haven’t so much as carved a pumpkin this year. It’s a shame. To make up for being so lame, I wanted to share one vignette in honor of the season.
Not long ago, in the middle of nowhere, just before sunset, I met a guy that looked like this. No shit… really! I didn’t get a photo but it was a thing that happened.
I wasn’t afraid of a damn thing. I was standing by the side of a deserted road carrying a chainsaw and not far from my shotgun. Like many men, if a classic horror movie wants to go down around me, it’ll be something to which I’ve been looking forward. Also, I can’t get the heebie jeebies in the forest because the forest is my place. If you want to see me nervous, drop me in a shopping mall. If you want to see me freak out, put me in a high school.
Anyway, I loved the guy’s mask! I waved happily, just like a moron:
A little bit later, after sunset, I started a fire while alone in the shadow of a little pioneer church. That particular night there was nobody around for miles so I could make noise; which I did by cranking my little shortwave radio. I was open to anything, but what I found that night was Rob Zombie being inexplicably broadcast from somewhere random. It was Superbeast. Yep, I was dancing around a fire in the dark to Rob Zombie. Happy Halloween!
When I was looking for the Superbeast video I found a video that’s much easier on the eyes.
One complaint, what’s with Rob limiting women to shitty little cruisers with buckhorn handlebars? Has he no idea the heart stopping effect of a woman on a sportbike? A Ducati 996 is so sweet that even underfed vegans like “Trinity” look good on one. (Warning: Rob Zombie is at the second standard deviation of dumb, a clip from one of the zillion Matrix sequels is far greater level of mindlessness. You might kill brain cells watching the dipshit stunts they pasted together for “The Matrix Part 45, Rehashed Clichés”.)
