Aldo Loepold; On Farms

“There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm. One is the danger of supposing that breakfast comes from the grocery, and the other is that heat comes from the furnace.”  Aldo Loepold, Sand County Almanac

Posted in Libertarian Outpost | Leave a comment

Dodgem? No. Hitem!

Barking Moonbat alerted me to the new and appalling concept of “dogems”.  A useless anti-word meant to imply that amusement park bumper cars are meant for dodging rather than collisions:

Bumping in bumper cars is banned at Butlins in the name of ‘health and safety’

You could be forgiven for thinking bumper cars were, well, for bumping.But seaside resorts are introducing their own strict Highway Code on the fairground ride because of health and safety concerns.

Highway code in a bumper car ride?  I think not!  Before I go off on a ramble I’ll add a few caveats:

  1. This happened in Britain.  Sorry to say it but Britain, like California, is lost territory in the war to hold on to reality.  I really miss the lost aura of Brit moxie.  What happened?
  2. I’m in America.  The cities and the coasts might be dissolving into helplessness but no amount of patchuli oil, veganism, self-loathing, and navel gazing will overcome our heartland’s innate love of harmless mayhem.  Our citizenry understands the entertainment value of destruction and it will not be denied.  How else do you explain professional wrestling, monster trucks, and Jerry Bruckheimer movies?  If you outlaw bumper cars in Coney Island, youths in Brooklyn might just start rampaging with real cars in the parking lot.  For we are both crazy…and equipped!  (Try that shit with light rail!)  Our delightful lack of sophistication might keep “dodgems” safely contained in the Euro-zone where they belong.

However, one must be ever vigilant.  I’m constructing my own bumper car entertainment venue called “hitem”.  It will follow tried and true American ideals.  From back when men were men and lawyers/politicians/community organizers were kept on short leashes and mocked hourly.  Here are the details of true American style “hitems”:

  • All vehicles are powered by 350 cubic inch V-8 engines.  They can burn unleaded, diesel, ethanol, bourbon, or uranium.  No hybrids allowed.
  • For some reason fuel injection is banned.  I don’t know why.  It’s a NASCAR thing and I live too far north to understand such matters.
  • Any vehicle that does not collide with another for a period of longer than thirty seconds is disqualified, seized, and sold on e-bay.  Proceeds will be used to buy beer for the winner.  In keeping with the all-American style of the event the beer will be canned tasteless swill.
  • Vehicles will have straight pipe headers that point to the sky.  Contestants will gain points for every bird overhead that dies from the shock waves.
  • It is said that Europeans think a hundred miles is a long way while Americans think a hundred years is a long time.  In keeping with our view of geography, the contest arena will be roughly the size of Luxemburg.
  • Contestants may choose to equip their vehicle with a safety cage.  Those who forgo a safety cage must pre-pay funeral expenses.
  • The start of each round will be announced by Dr. Deelgood:

    Two men enter! One man leaves!

  • This is the final and most important rule: any lawyers who wish to file liability suits will have to hand deliver the appropriate paperwork to the complaint department which is in the center of the arena.  I’m a sporting guy so I’ll give him a three step head start before I turn the other contestants loose.
Posted in Nanny State Moralizers | Leave a comment

Orwell’s Telescreens Were Bush League

I’m disgusted by, and opposed to, government intrusion into private lives.

“The Obama administration is urging the Supreme Court to allow the government, without a court warrant, to affix GPS devices on suspects’ vehicles to track their every move.” Wired

But Steve Jobs beat them to the punch:

“Apple’s iPhone software is storing a record of the travels of iPhone owners on their phones and on the computers used for iPhone synchronization, a practice that has renewed privacy concerns about mobile location tracking.

The data, consisting of latitude and longitude coordinates and corresponding timestamps, is stored unencrypted and, apparently, without conspicuous notification.” InformationWeek

There are two parts to this story.  The first is as follows:

Duh…

Several years ago cell phones started getting good at knowing where they were.  Anyone with a pulse knows that “secrets” stored on a computer are always at risk of  winding up on the front page of a newspaper.  I assumed that sooner or later there would be a big media circus event where a cell phone tracked a criminal or a celebrity (or both) doing something bizarre, disturbing, criminal, or all three.  I gleefully pictured something funny; a corrupt Senator’s cell phone tracks him to a Nicaraguan Bordello, the data gets cracked by a teenager in New Jersey who blabs it everywhere, and in some hilarious turn of events it turns out to be a disturbingly kinky orgy involving  Ralph Nader, Rush Limbaugh’s Neighbor’s Attorney, seven kangaroos, and Charles Manson.  Come on folks you know the 2012 election season is coming and stories like that always liven things up.

I’ll admit I’m smug about cell phones and their legitimate threats to privacy.  I keep cell phones contained and deliberately dis-empowered.  Electronically tracking me is possible but it’s a pain in the ass.  If you want to spy on me I expect at least the effort of a gumshoe peering at me over a newspaper in a dingy cafe…possibly with a Sam Spade voice over and a soundtrack.  A database on a banker’s iDevice is so…lame.

Your's truly (pictured at left) explaining the significance of privacy to a cell phone salesman.

Defeating Steve Job’s evil plans are easy (at the basic…non-spy levels).  I rarely carry my cell phone, it’s usually off, and I don’t give out the number.  I only grudgingly answer the damn thing .  (In fact I only grudgingly answer any phone anywhere…I’m friendly that way.)  Oh yeah…and I don’t buy shit that does stuff I can’t control…which pretty much rules out every Apple product ever conceived.

I have a second, unexpected, reaction to this story:

Wow…

Did you notice that the US Government is still busily chipping away at the constitution.  Legal wrangling with those boring squares in the Supreme Court and whining that warrants (and other limits on Government spying) are such a hindrance to the noble Government that does so much good work.

Is Apple doing that?  Nope.  They just built the evil machine, sold it to people, and weren’t really all that secretive about it at all.  Talk about balls of steel!  They even mention the “super secret tracking feature” in their EULA.  Basically Apple said “we’re making this thing which could track you and give your worst enemy access to whatever skeletons are in your closet.  You’re so goddamn dumb you’ll pay for it, charge it up, stuff it in your pocket and carry it around.  We’re awesome and Orwell was a pussy!”

Steve Jobs demands formal attire at his secret lair.

I’m rather impressed with Apple.  Orwell’s 1984 postulates hell on earth but he never imagined people would wait in line to pay for a telescreen that they would have to carry around everywhere they went.  Apple is truly staffed by visionaries that are totally willing to look at any ethical line and say “we’d better cross that”.  Why shouldn’t they?  It’s their product, they can make it do anything they want…up to and including an app which tazers anyone who tries to install Linux.  Unlike a government, when a company screws with their customers all I can think is that customers are volunteers that brought it upon themselves.

Maybe the Apple should just release a free app for iPhones called “Orwell” and wait for criminals and innocents alike to voluntarily upload it.

Posted in Libertarian Outpost | Leave a comment

When Mind Boggling Isn’t An Exaggeration

mind-bog·gling (mndbglng)

adj. Informal Intellectually or emotionally overwhelming

A common theory is that humans just aren’t good at comprehending numbers which are very big or very small.  My experience with people (nearly all of which are human) bears this out.

Humans count in their head like this; one, two, three… a whole shitload.  Some arbitrary number constitutes the point where an individual’s brain defaults to “a whole shitload“.  Once a person reaches that level of confusion, it’s hard for them to go beyond it.  Attempts to differentiate between “a whole shitload” and “a whole mountain of shitloads” is an uphill battle.  If you’ve ever spent an hour trying to explain the real world difference between a thousand and a million you can sympathize.  It doesn’t digest easily and I’m not among those few who are eloquent enough to get past the boredom factor.

Which brings me to the National debt.  It used to be a shitload.  I was worried.  Everyone who understood it was worried too.  (Some folks have kept their concerns to themselves for personal or political reasons.  Others have employed self delusion or willful ignorance.  Regardless of public posture, those who understood the magnitude of the debt, without exception, knew it was serious.)

I knew it was going to get worse.  You probably did too.  It did get worse.  It happened (and is happening) as the Baby Boomers retire; more or less on schedule.

Something else has happened.  The debt crossed a Rubicon of scale.  It went to a whole different dimension of huge.  It is pegged at new and utterly unimaginable levels that have never before existed in any place, in any time, for any society, since the dawn of time.  Read that sentence back to yourself; “levels of debt that have never before existed in any place, in any time, for any society, since the dawn of time”.  You may disagree with my politics but that sentence is absolutely true.  The number really has dwarfed all that came before it.  Folks can try to pretend it doesn’t matter but they can’t pretend this has happened before.  Phrases like “largest ever in humanity’s span of existence” are not exaggeration.

There is no way make this into good news and true statements start to sound like exaggeration.  All because the numbers are so inconceivably huge.  The debt is so large that it is literally “mind boggling“.  The mind has difficulty comprehending numbers in the trillions.  Set aside politics and you’ll realize that’s what “mind boggling” means.  Your brain (like mine) can’t easily handle trillions of anything; debt, grains of sand, stars in the sky, etc…

Which brings me to an apt description of the debt gleaned from Monster Hunter Nation.  (I encourage you to go there and read the whole thing.)

“Saying that this is the same old same old, is like saying that gophers digging up your lawn is the same level of disaster as Krakatoa. Over the last couple of years we’ve reached a whole new level of crazy. Our spending has gone insane. We’re spending more money, faster, than all of mankind, throughout all of recorded human history. Economists aren’t sure what’s going to happen, because this has never happened before. Ever. On Earth. We’ve strayed into strange new territory here and there are many possible outcomes if we don’t stray the hell back out. And don’t for a second think that any of those possible outcomes are remotely good. No. They range somewhere between the Great Depression and Mad Max.”

He also added a bit of wisdom about Social Security.  Everyone younger than 50 should know this.  I do.  You probably do.  I’m posting it for those few souls who still cling desperately to the false belief that Social Security will be there when it wont.  If Kieth Richards can live to be old it’s possible for anyone.  If you’re young and count entirely on Social Security a retirement of eating cat food in a cold impoverished hovel between shifts at the coal mine is not out of the question:

“I had a discussion the other day with some relatively intelligent folks about social security. The idea of cutting benefits or moving the retirement age shocks them. “How unfair! But I’ve paid into this my whole life!”

Yep. You sure did. You got lied to and screwed over by evil political opportunists. Deal with it…”

“…No matter how hard you wish, no matter how hard you hope, no matter how much compassion you can fit in your stupid compassionate heart, no matter how much you happen to like some program that helps somebody do something wonderful… math never lies and interest never sleeps. Caring don’t pay the bills…”

“…if you’re not already old, and you’re counting on seeing money from Social Security, you’re a sucker.”

Enough doom and gloom; I always like to add a ray of hope.  Here goes; “just because something is mind boggling to everybody else doesn’t mean you have to play their game”.  Even in the Great Depression, many wise souls got by.  Most of us have sufficient freedom to maneuver out of harm’s way.  We are not required to make other people’s delusions true.  Train that monkey brain you were born with to overcome mind boggling foolishness and ride it out as best you can.  Leave the “deer in headlights” weakness to those who chose that path.  I’ll be rooting for your success and I hope you’ll be rooting for mine.

(Hat tip to Cold Fury who linked to the original article.)

Posted in Where vocabulary goes to die | 4 Comments

That’s Why They Fought And Died…

Hat tip to The Agitator for this video.

Warning…watch every minute.  The last few seconds have the best firearms snark ever captured on film.

Posted in Amusing Videos | Leave a comment

Word For The Day: “Spillionares”

It is said that “when the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail”.  I’ve long theorized that the Government has one and only one tool; spending money.  Which is the reason when something bad happens, they go on a spending bender.  I recall in my youth, sometimes misery came without a check.  That wasn’t so long ago.

When BPs oil spill loomed huge I thought much of the damage would be non-financial.  Aside from a tiny group of fishermen, most people get non financial benefits from Gulf waters.  Pretty beaches; a place to drink beer or cuddle with your girl, recreational fishing, scenery.  All are nice but none pay the rent.

If a formerly pretty beach temporarily stinks of oil why should a check make it smell better?  Beyond basic mitigation at the onset of the event, cash won’t change the beach.  America is skating on thin ice when we start calculating lost revenue.  Reduced tourism, T-shirt sales, reduced ammo sales to hunters in Iowa because a duck died in the Gulf…  It can go forever.

Alas no rain may fall on a person but what the Government thinks a wad of cash will make it sunny.  I disagree…sometimes life sucks and money is the wrong cure.  I said as much when the government got into the business of cutting checks for bankers killed in the 9/11 disaster.  Of course, the idea that tragedy exists and can’t be fixed with a checkbook is a non-PC attitude which gets me dismissed as an evil cheap bastard.  But the BP event has a new word for it; “spillionares”.

Head out to Moonbattery for delicious spillionare snark. that starts with this:

“How do you strike it rich in the Age of Obama? Not by working hard — that would just produce wealth to be confiscated. You need to be one of the confiscators — like the spillionaires on the Gulf Coast, where BP has had its arm twisted into “spreading the wealth around” to the tune of $16 billion.”

Bonus money quote from the source article at the Washington Post:

Felesia Carter, a manager at St. Bernard’s only off-track betting parlor, said customers were gambling away claims money. Her business was so good, she said, that employees worked overtime.

“I don’t understand how BP is just giving its money out like this,” Carter said. “Give it to the people who deserve it.”

It’s easy to understand how BP is “giving it’s money out”.  Obama used the power of the Federal Government to force it to.

Wait for this summer’s Curmudgeonly article about Americans baffled by high gas prices.  The irony meter will hit eleven!

Posted in Where vocabulary goes to die, Word For The Day | Leave a comment

Blogroll Update

Bells A Ringing is a good read.  Today they’ve unearthed a surprising and charming streak of patriotism at Sea World.   I encourage everyone to check it out.

Sadly P.O.W. In The People’s Republic Of California has gone MIA.  Either Nancy Pelosi has captured the poor fellow (the horror!) or he’s Gone Galt and fled for freedom somewhere off grid.  I sure hope it’s the latter.

Posted in Blogroll | Leave a comment

When A Big Deal Is Diddly Squat: Part II

Skippy Stalin submitted a legitimate comment to my earlier post “When A Big Deal Is Diddly Squat“.  He pointed out that budgets passed during the Bush administration but implemented during the Obama administration were painted, unfairly, as Obama’s doing.  He’s right, the graphic is indeed biased against Obama.  He also wondered if that might indicate flaws with the rest of the chart.

I decided to go to the horses mouth (the OMB) and make my own charts.  Because I’m lazy In order to avoid bias I didn’t label much of anything and left scale and color choices to my spreadsheet defaults.  They look ugly…so be it.  This is one of those times when raw data hits you on the head with obvious, inescapable conclusions.

Before I hang up my charts I’d like to clarify my thesis.  Obama and Bush have both performed so spectacularly awful that their combined efforts are a duet of suck.  Poor impulse control is nothing new to a president; our government’s finances have been consistently, deliberately, and willfully corkscrewed into the ground by presidents of both parties. But things have gone from “very serious” to “flat out hysterical” by the last two presidents.  Bush and Obama, representing both parties have been fiscally unsound on such an epic scale that it should be carved in stone and exhibited as the triumph of wishful thinking over reality in a species formerly considered capable of counting.

Obama is not a cypher.  He’s a free rider who is out of his league because he’s never before made any decisions of merit or importance.  His decision making in 2011 is exactly as I imagined it would be during his election campaign.

Bush Jr. was another free rider who did have experience making decisions and had made most of them unwisely.  Having spent much of his life drinking too much and destroying any profit making venture in his orbit was not indicative of a good leader.  He too, governed just as I expected.

Who is worst?  That’s a hard call.  Bush Jr. was, in his time, the most fiscally incompetent executive breathing air.  (Possibly with the exception of Hugo Chavez and Robert Mugabe who destroyed Venezuela’s and Zimbabwe’s economies respectively.)  Obama somehow managed to do worse.  Possibly he could see farther into the debt hole because he was standing on the shoulders of a debt accumulation giant?  I’m not sure if Bush could have vaporized more money but I harbor the suspicion that he stopped where he did because it was, at the time, as bad as humanly conceivable.  Had he followed on Obama’s heels he might have understood that a whole new dimension of fiscal insanity existed.  He might have rolled up his sleeves and met that challenge.

In short, each one did vastly worse than the entire history of our nation before their hand was on the tiller.  Each one going as far as their contemporaries could visualize on the scale of debt ruin.  I don’t know if there are greater horizons but the fact that Donald Trump (even in jest) was mentioned as a possible presidential candidate suggests that a few people think there is even more ruin to be had.

So there you have it.  When asked which is worse; D presidents or R presidents?  I respond; “A pox on both their houses”.

Now to the charts.  This first one shows America’s annual debt from 1900 to official estimates for 2016.  Notice that tiny little blip in the forties?  That’s when America fought WWII and then rebuilt the economies of both Europe and Japan.  Something has gone truly unhinged when defeating the axis powers and restoring a big chunk of western civilization was a bargain compared to medical care for Baby Boomers.  The y-axis is not dollars…it is millions of dollars.  (The y- axis is not adjusted for inflation.)

Many decades of intelligence and then America goes APESHIT.

I made the first graph to point out that the nation managed to keep it’s fiscal house in order for many years.  The current delusion that it’s impossible to live within our means is utterly incorrect.  We stayed solvent for well over a century.  There is some level of government that could exist responsibly once again.  For the last thirty or forty years we’ve developed a collective inability to even conceive of a debt free government.  That inability means that the current leadership is simply fiscally inferior to their counterparts of earlier years.  Arguing about the party of D versus party of R is like debating the merits of being bludgeoned to death with a ball peen hammer versus a sledge.

Now to a graph with more recent data.  I took off old stuff because that’s back when things were more or less rational.  I thinks it’s important to avoid sugarcoating truth so I named this chart; “We are fucked”.  (The y-axis is still millions of dollars; that lower line is -$1,500,000,000,000.  Count those zeros.  That’s the debt amassed in one year.)

We are fucked.

The last chart is to represent the amount of money the brave party of R managed to extract from the benighted party of D. I’m all for any number anywhere that’s a reduction in debt so I’m happy that the budget was reduced. But the word “insignificant” is just too huge to signify how small the “budget battle” really plays out. The fact that R was so timid and D dug in it’s heels so forcefully is all you need to know.  Both parties demonstrably intend to ride this thing all the way into Zimbabwe levels.

When a number is so insignificant that it would not rise to the level of irrelevant if you did that much every month.

Observant folks might wonder why my chart looks even less inviting than the ones you’ll find elsewhere on the Internet. Even this is an interesting story caused by my attempted “de-obfuscation”.  What you’re looking at is a Federal Debt of $1,645,119,000,000.  That’s the OMB estimate for 2011 and it includes both on and off budget spending.  The sliver is the “budget compromise” of $38,000,000,000 which happened last week.

Most charts stick the “budget compromise” with the budget which theoretically began in October of last year.  Ignoring “off budget” and using the 2010 budget as a base makes the significance seem bigger; “whole whopping couple percent”.  I decided to cut to the chase.  You can disagree with my logic (everyone else does) but here’s my reasoning: I live in reality where the sky is blue and the sun rises in the east.  The calendar on my wall says 2011.  So I used 2011 numbers for the “base” budget.  The compromise happened last week…which my calendar calls 2011 so I stuck with it.  As for off budget; I loathe the concept. I refuse to pretend that something which is “off budget” is magically free. I can’t vacation in Aruba by calling it “off budget”. America can’t run a war (or three simultaneous ones) and make it free by calling it “off budget” either.  Congress and the executive can blather all they want but spent is spent, my calendar says 2011, and it all goes on my chart.  (Yes, I juxtaposed fiscal years with calendar years but This is all splitting hairs.  There is no configurations of numbers anywhere anyhow that’ll make the recent “budget compromise” anything bigger than a couple percent.  It was, is, and will remain too small to matter beyond symbolics.)

Those charts are (and are meant to) be a bit depressing.  I think I’ll go buy a pineapple to cheer myself up.  Unlike politicians I can afford to pay for what I want with cash.  That too cheers me up.

(Note #1: Data taken directly from Office of Management and Budget: hist01z1.xls.)

(Note #2:  I, unlike politicians, do not pull numbers from orifices.  I’m mildly disturbed that my third chart looks even worse than the expected level of dismal.  If I broke my calculator pounding that zero button too much go ahead and tell me.)

Posted in Harangue-a-bang-bang! | Leave a comment

Assembly of True Facts

  1. I have to file my taxes today.
  2. It snowed.  A lot.  The sweet life and burgeoning vitality of spring is buried under a thick wet layer of cold death.  Our chickens, who were so recently pecking around the grass beneath the oaks, are locked in the barn.  I’m huddled by the wood stove a like a freezing Medieval peasant.

Can I rationally blame the IRS for the terrible weather?  No.  Do I?  Yes!

People on the verge of cabin  fever must be forgiven a certain amount of irrationality.  Doubly so on tax day.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Pineapple

I grew up in a small town. In my youth everyone bought bland unremarkable canned goods at the local uninspiring grocery store. Mashed potatoes were about as spicy as food got. Folks who’ve lived a lifetime browsing limitless year round stocks of mangoes, strawberries, lobster, and salmon will never understand the rest of this story.

My wife bought a pineapple! Not the tragic oppressed canned rings which belong pinned to the a haunch of baking ham. She bought actual fruit. A big gaudy pointy tropical plant which is as natural to our environment as a Borneo tribesman doing the limbo on a sandy beach.

I like pineapple. This one was ripe to perfection. I basked in the glory of pineapple. Something my subconscious will always perceive tropical fruit as exotic luxuries unavailable at any price. My environment serves up wheat and beef. I forgot myself and wondered why anyone would live in a God forsaken arctic wasteland when there are tropical paradises where sweet enticing pineapples grow out of the ground. I drifted into my mental happy place. Just experiencing the pineapple and smiling. My family was unimpressed with the mighty and exotic pineapple. They chalked it up to one of those moments where I go off on “when I was a kid” speeches that usually end with an explanation of rotary dial party line phones.

I whacked the pineapple apart with no grace whatsoever. I devoured great chunks of fruit like I’d never seen one before. I was feasting in Valhalla. I was savoring the fruit of the gods. I ate half the pineapple myself. The rest of the family picked at bits and lost interest.

One day passed.

My wife declared that the remaining half of the pineapple was overripe. I was to dispose of it. I was aghast. Throw. Away. The. Pineapple!?!

Our household disposes of kitchen scraps using small mobile compost units called chickens. I grabbed the day’s “chicken treats”; some freezer burned broccoli, some bread crusts, and the pineapple. I shuffled out to the yard to do the deed. The chickens, free ranging and used to treats, swarmed around my ankles knowing good stuff was about to happen. I dropped the broccoli and they went at it like piranhas. I was about to drop the precious pineapple…

I couldn’t do it! My Neanderthal nature took over. No way was I letting those damn birds have my special tropical fruit! I glanced at the house. Nobody was looking. I hadn’t carved the hard rind from the fruit but I didn’t care; I ripped it off like a T-rex in a hurry. Chomp chomp….nom nom nom. I devoured the whole thing. I kept glancing over my shoulder guiltily like I might be caught with the forbidden fruit. Sweet juice went everywhere. Impatient chickens milled around my feet wondering why I wasn’t dropping the remaining yummy tidbits. Screw you chickens…this is mine! It was delicious. I ate every bit.

Eventually I trudged back to the house dripping with pineapple juice and feeling oddly guilty. I looked exactly like a hound dog who’d gotten into something he shouldn’t. I’m absolutely sure the chickens are mad at me.

My wife doesn’t know how special and precious and forbidden pineapple are in my mind. How could she? She wondered why I was gone so long. What could I say? That I just went apeshit over something you can buy in any modern grocery store? That I stood in the yard eating food she’d decreed only fit for livestock? That she was married to a man who would shed the thin veneer of civilization over… fruit?

I just washed up and ate dinner at the table like the rest of the household. But the chickens know my secret insanity! And now you do too.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment