Word For The Day: “Spillionares”

It is said that “when the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail”.  I’ve long theorized that the Government has one and only one tool; spending money.  Which is the reason when something bad happens, they go on a spending bender.  I recall in my youth, sometimes misery came without a check.  That wasn’t so long ago.

When BPs oil spill loomed huge I thought much of the damage would be non-financial.  Aside from a tiny group of fishermen, most people get non financial benefits from Gulf waters.  Pretty beaches; a place to drink beer or cuddle with your girl, recreational fishing, scenery.  All are nice but none pay the rent.

If a formerly pretty beach temporarily stinks of oil why should a check make it smell better?  Beyond basic mitigation at the onset of the event, cash won’t change the beach.  America is skating on thin ice when we start calculating lost revenue.  Reduced tourism, T-shirt sales, reduced ammo sales to hunters in Iowa because a duck died in the Gulf…  It can go forever.

Alas no rain may fall on a person but what the Government thinks a wad of cash will make it sunny.  I disagree…sometimes life sucks and money is the wrong cure.  I said as much when the government got into the business of cutting checks for bankers killed in the 9/11 disaster.  Of course, the idea that tragedy exists and can’t be fixed with a checkbook is a non-PC attitude which gets me dismissed as an evil cheap bastard.  But the BP event has a new word for it; “spillionares”.

Head out to Moonbattery for delicious spillionare snark. that starts with this:

“How do you strike it rich in the Age of Obama? Not by working hard — that would just produce wealth to be confiscated. You need to be one of the confiscators — like the spillionaires on the Gulf Coast, where BP has had its arm twisted into “spreading the wealth around” to the tune of $16 billion.”

Bonus money quote from the source article at the Washington Post:

Felesia Carter, a manager at St. Bernard’s only off-track betting parlor, said customers were gambling away claims money. Her business was so good, she said, that employees worked overtime.

“I don’t understand how BP is just giving its money out like this,” Carter said. “Give it to the people who deserve it.”

It’s easy to understand how BP is “giving it’s money out”.  Obama used the power of the Federal Government to force it to.

Wait for this summer’s Curmudgeonly article about Americans baffled by high gas prices.  The irony meter will hit eleven!

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Blogroll Update

Bells A Ringing is a good read.  Today they’ve unearthed a surprising and charming streak of patriotism at Sea World.   I encourage everyone to check it out.

Sadly P.O.W. In The People’s Republic Of California has gone MIA.  Either Nancy Pelosi has captured the poor fellow (the horror!) or he’s Gone Galt and fled for freedom somewhere off grid.  I sure hope it’s the latter.

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When A Big Deal Is Diddly Squat: Part II

Skippy Stalin submitted a legitimate comment to my earlier post “When A Big Deal Is Diddly Squat“.  He pointed out that budgets passed during the Bush administration but implemented during the Obama administration were painted, unfairly, as Obama’s doing.  He’s right, the graphic is indeed biased against Obama.  He also wondered if that might indicate flaws with the rest of the chart.

I decided to go to the horses mouth (the OMB) and make my own charts.  Because I’m lazy In order to avoid bias I didn’t label much of anything and left scale and color choices to my spreadsheet defaults.  They look ugly…so be it.  This is one of those times when raw data hits you on the head with obvious, inescapable conclusions.

Before I hang up my charts I’d like to clarify my thesis.  Obama and Bush have both performed so spectacularly awful that their combined efforts are a duet of suck.  Poor impulse control is nothing new to a president; our government’s finances have been consistently, deliberately, and willfully corkscrewed into the ground by presidents of both parties. But things have gone from “very serious” to “flat out hysterical” by the last two presidents.  Bush and Obama, representing both parties have been fiscally unsound on such an epic scale that it should be carved in stone and exhibited as the triumph of wishful thinking over reality in a species formerly considered capable of counting.

Obama is not a cypher.  He’s a free rider who is out of his league because he’s never before made any decisions of merit or importance.  His decision making in 2011 is exactly as I imagined it would be during his election campaign.

Bush Jr. was another free rider who did have experience making decisions and had made most of them unwisely.  Having spent much of his life drinking too much and destroying any profit making venture in his orbit was not indicative of a good leader.  He too, governed just as I expected.

Who is worst?  That’s a hard call.  Bush Jr. was, in his time, the most fiscally incompetent executive breathing air.  (Possibly with the exception of Hugo Chavez and Robert Mugabe who destroyed Venezuela’s and Zimbabwe’s economies respectively.)  Obama somehow managed to do worse.  Possibly he could see farther into the debt hole because he was standing on the shoulders of a debt accumulation giant?  I’m not sure if Bush could have vaporized more money but I harbor the suspicion that he stopped where he did because it was, at the time, as bad as humanly conceivable.  Had he followed on Obama’s heels he might have understood that a whole new dimension of fiscal insanity existed.  He might have rolled up his sleeves and met that challenge.

In short, each one did vastly worse than the entire history of our nation before their hand was on the tiller.  Each one going as far as their contemporaries could visualize on the scale of debt ruin.  I don’t know if there are greater horizons but the fact that Donald Trump (even in jest) was mentioned as a possible presidential candidate suggests that a few people think there is even more ruin to be had.

So there you have it.  When asked which is worse; D presidents or R presidents?  I respond; “A pox on both their houses”.

Now to the charts.  This first one shows America’s annual debt from 1900 to official estimates for 2016.  Notice that tiny little blip in the forties?  That’s when America fought WWII and then rebuilt the economies of both Europe and Japan.  Something has gone truly unhinged when defeating the axis powers and restoring a big chunk of western civilization was a bargain compared to medical care for Baby Boomers.  The y-axis is not dollars…it is millions of dollars.  (The y- axis is not adjusted for inflation.)

Many decades of intelligence and then America goes APESHIT.

I made the first graph to point out that the nation managed to keep it’s fiscal house in order for many years.  The current delusion that it’s impossible to live within our means is utterly incorrect.  We stayed solvent for well over a century.  There is some level of government that could exist responsibly once again.  For the last thirty or forty years we’ve developed a collective inability to even conceive of a debt free government.  That inability means that the current leadership is simply fiscally inferior to their counterparts of earlier years.  Arguing about the party of D versus party of R is like debating the merits of being bludgeoned to death with a ball peen hammer versus a sledge.

Now to a graph with more recent data.  I took off old stuff because that’s back when things were more or less rational.  I thinks it’s important to avoid sugarcoating truth so I named this chart; “We are fucked”.  (The y-axis is still millions of dollars; that lower line is -$1,500,000,000,000.  Count those zeros.  That’s the debt amassed in one year.)

We are fucked.

The last chart is to represent the amount of money the brave party of R managed to extract from the benighted party of D. I’m all for any number anywhere that’s a reduction in debt so I’m happy that the budget was reduced. But the word “insignificant” is just too huge to signify how small the “budget battle” really plays out. The fact that R was so timid and D dug in it’s heels so forcefully is all you need to know.  Both parties demonstrably intend to ride this thing all the way into Zimbabwe levels.

When a number is so insignificant that it would not rise to the level of irrelevant if you did that much every month.

Observant folks might wonder why my chart looks even less inviting than the ones you’ll find elsewhere on the Internet. Even this is an interesting story caused by my attempted “de-obfuscation”.  What you’re looking at is a Federal Debt of $1,645,119,000,000.  That’s the OMB estimate for 2011 and it includes both on and off budget spending.  The sliver is the “budget compromise” of $38,000,000,000 which happened last week.

Most charts stick the “budget compromise” with the budget which theoretically began in October of last year.  Ignoring “off budget” and using the 2010 budget as a base makes the significance seem bigger; “whole whopping couple percent”.  I decided to cut to the chase.  You can disagree with my logic (everyone else does) but here’s my reasoning: I live in reality where the sky is blue and the sun rises in the east.  The calendar on my wall says 2011.  So I used 2011 numbers for the “base” budget.  The compromise happened last week…which my calendar calls 2011 so I stuck with it.  As for off budget; I loathe the concept. I refuse to pretend that something which is “off budget” is magically free. I can’t vacation in Aruba by calling it “off budget”. America can’t run a war (or three simultaneous ones) and make it free by calling it “off budget” either.  Congress and the executive can blather all they want but spent is spent, my calendar says 2011, and it all goes on my chart.  (Yes, I juxtaposed fiscal years with calendar years but This is all splitting hairs.  There is no configurations of numbers anywhere anyhow that’ll make the recent “budget compromise” anything bigger than a couple percent.  It was, is, and will remain too small to matter beyond symbolics.)

Those charts are (and are meant to) be a bit depressing.  I think I’ll go buy a pineapple to cheer myself up.  Unlike politicians I can afford to pay for what I want with cash.  That too cheers me up.

(Note #1: Data taken directly from Office of Management and Budget: hist01z1.xls.)

(Note #2:  I, unlike politicians, do not pull numbers from orifices.  I’m mildly disturbed that my third chart looks even worse than the expected level of dismal.  If I broke my calculator pounding that zero button too much go ahead and tell me.)

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Assembly of True Facts

  1. I have to file my taxes today.
  2. It snowed.  A lot.  The sweet life and burgeoning vitality of spring is buried under a thick wet layer of cold death.  Our chickens, who were so recently pecking around the grass beneath the oaks, are locked in the barn.  I’m huddled by the wood stove a like a freezing Medieval peasant.

Can I rationally blame the IRS for the terrible weather?  No.  Do I?  Yes!

People on the verge of cabin  fever must be forgiven a certain amount of irrationality.  Doubly so on tax day.

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Pineapple

I grew up in a small town. In my youth everyone bought bland unremarkable canned goods at the local uninspiring grocery store. Mashed potatoes were about as spicy as food got. Folks who’ve lived a lifetime browsing limitless year round stocks of mangoes, strawberries, lobster, and salmon will never understand the rest of this story.

My wife bought a pineapple! Not the tragic oppressed canned rings which belong pinned to the a haunch of baking ham. She bought actual fruit. A big gaudy pointy tropical plant which is as natural to our environment as a Borneo tribesman doing the limbo on a sandy beach.

I like pineapple. This one was ripe to perfection. I basked in the glory of pineapple. Something my subconscious will always perceive tropical fruit as exotic luxuries unavailable at any price. My environment serves up wheat and beef. I forgot myself and wondered why anyone would live in a God forsaken arctic wasteland when there are tropical paradises where sweet enticing pineapples grow out of the ground. I drifted into my mental happy place. Just experiencing the pineapple and smiling. My family was unimpressed with the mighty and exotic pineapple. They chalked it up to one of those moments where I go off on “when I was a kid” speeches that usually end with an explanation of rotary dial party line phones.

I whacked the pineapple apart with no grace whatsoever. I devoured great chunks of fruit like I’d never seen one before. I was feasting in Valhalla. I was savoring the fruit of the gods. I ate half the pineapple myself. The rest of the family picked at bits and lost interest.

One day passed.

My wife declared that the remaining half of the pineapple was overripe. I was to dispose of it. I was aghast. Throw. Away. The. Pineapple!?!

Our household disposes of kitchen scraps using small mobile compost units called chickens. I grabbed the day’s “chicken treats”; some freezer burned broccoli, some bread crusts, and the pineapple. I shuffled out to the yard to do the deed. The chickens, free ranging and used to treats, swarmed around my ankles knowing good stuff was about to happen. I dropped the broccoli and they went at it like piranhas. I was about to drop the precious pineapple…

I couldn’t do it! My Neanderthal nature took over. No way was I letting those damn birds have my special tropical fruit! I glanced at the house. Nobody was looking. I hadn’t carved the hard rind from the fruit but I didn’t care; I ripped it off like a T-rex in a hurry. Chomp chomp….nom nom nom. I devoured the whole thing. I kept glancing over my shoulder guiltily like I might be caught with the forbidden fruit. Sweet juice went everywhere. Impatient chickens milled around my feet wondering why I wasn’t dropping the remaining yummy tidbits. Screw you chickens…this is mine! It was delicious. I ate every bit.

Eventually I trudged back to the house dripping with pineapple juice and feeling oddly guilty. I looked exactly like a hound dog who’d gotten into something he shouldn’t. I’m absolutely sure the chickens are mad at me.

My wife doesn’t know how special and precious and forbidden pineapple are in my mind. How could she? She wondered why I was gone so long. What could I say? That I just went apeshit over something you can buy in any modern grocery store? That I stood in the yard eating food she’d decreed only fit for livestock? That she was married to a man who would shed the thin veneer of civilization over… fruit?

I just washed up and ate dinner at the table like the rest of the household. But the chickens know my secret insanity! And now you do too.

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When A Big Deal Is Diddly Squat

Maggies Farm is always amusing and informative.  That’s where I found this:

It has been said before; “when something can’t go on forever…it won’t”.  This can’t go on forever.  Baby Boomers are retiring and American government spending has been unhinged for decades.  Cuts are not coming; they are here.  They may be disguised as inflation, shortages, “unexpected” emergencies, or otherwise but they’re here.

Going to the wire to cut 38 billion on a budget like ours means both parties are willfully irresponsible.  They’ll be spectators as our auto-pilot bureaucracy irretrievable grinds into unalterable fiscal limits.  It’ll be a good show.

The good news is, it could be worse.  We’re not Zimbabwe yet.  Enjoy it while you can.

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An Article Which Brings To Mind A Dead Horse

A blog called Taxing Tennessee pointed me to this map from the Tax Foundation.  Among other things, it shows the 10 worst and ten best states (in terms of state government’s debt).  It is a per-capita debt, meaning that it represents big population states and little population states equally.

I clicked over to wikipedia to find this map from the 2008 election.  We’ve all seen it before but I’ll post it again for purposes of symmetry.

Obama carried 28 out of 50 states: 56% of them.  In any random list of states you’d expect Obama to carry 56% of the list.

Of the fiscally worst states; Obama carried 90% of them.  (Alaska being the only state preventing a full sweep.)

Of the fiscally best states; Obama carried 20% of them. (Minnesota and Nevada being the only states preventing a full “anit-sweep”.)

I could go nuts and conclude all sorts of things but I’ll just phrase two factual statements.  The more indebted a citizen’s State Government the more likely that citizen is to have voted for Obama to lead the Federal Government.  The more solvent a citizen’s State government the more likely that citizen is to have voted against Obama to lead the Federal Government.  Those are facts which cannot be debated.

Now I’ll skate on thinner ice which is well supported but not utterly beyond discussion.  “The evidence suggests that Citizens want their Federal Government just as indebted or solvent as their personal State’s Government.”  I’m not going very far when I say that but I have indeed inferred causality from correlation.  I’ll accept that it’s not an ironclad tautology.

Now I’ll get on my soapbox and add another statement which is almost a tautology. “As an American Citizen I can move from one state to another in search of fiscally responsible State Governance.  (I have done so.)  To move from one nation to another in search of fiscally responsible National Governance is vastly harder for any citizen.”

Here is another image I found on wikipediaI’m not going to beat a dead horse further.  I just had to put up the first two maps because they were so well matched.  The chart?  Well I couldn’t help myself.


 

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Assembly Of True Facts

  1. The carpenter we hired just hitched his truck to the 25 foot trailer he’d left in our driveway for several weeks…and left with most of our money.
  2. There is a toilet in my backyard.
  3. I am alone in the house…and drinking.
  4. I intend on touching off a big fire shortly.

Holy crap? Nah; it’s just another day. The carpenter did a good job and earned his pay, the backyard toilet is refuse from the bathroom remodel (which is steadily approaching completion), the wine is excellent, and I’ve got a burn permit to dispose of a pile of gnarly dead wood accumulated in seasons when burning was ill advised.

Nothing to see here. Move along.

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Phenology Update

phe·nol·o·gy

noun /fiˈnäləjē/

1.The study of cyclic and seasonal natural phenomena, esp. in relation to climate and plant and animal life

Winter doesn’t last forever.  But when is it gone?  I ignore the Global Warming Koolaide drinkers and take my cues from locally observable phenomena.

Indications of spring:

  • There were birds chirping outside my window this morning.  (Is there any sound sweeter?)
  • Everyone south of us is talking about their flowers and gardens.  (Lucky bastards.)
  • I’m starting to think a Bass Boat would be a really cool thing to own.  I now think my monster snowblower is an excessive expense I really didn’t need.  (Both are untrue but the mind wanders in spring.)
  • I’ve seen a few hearty souls out on motorcycles.
  • I’m almost out of firewood.
  • I don’t care that I’m almost out of firewood.
  • I let the fire go out a couple weeks ago.  The pipes have not frozen.
  • The maple syrup flow is going strong.  (I don’t have any sugar maple.  Damn!)

Indications the fat lady hasn’t yet sang:

  • There were only a few birds singing this morning.  (No robins yet!)  In a few weeks it’ll sound like an avian keg party.  (I really love hearing songbirds!)
  • No trucks have sunk.  This is worrisome.  The ice looks so thin that I can’t imagine anyone stupid enough to drive anything of value upon it.  Yet if no redneck goes out and sinks his truck…summer may never come!
  • In the Midwest, newspapers have not published one of their two annual farm articles.  The main one explains that it is too wet so farmers can’t get out and plow the fields.  Thus they need “emergency” assistance.  The alternative article is that it’s too dry so farmer’s crops won’t have enough moisture to grow well.  Thus they need “emergency” assistance.  One of those two articles must be published before it’s summer.
  • In the Southwest, newspapers have not published one of their two annual fire articles.  The main one explains that the snowpack is too small, which will lead to a an “unusually severe” wildfire season.   The alternative article explains that there’s a deep snowpack which will encourage tremendous vegetative growth which will build up and lead to an “unusually severe” wildfire season.  Either article concludes with the need for “emergency” funding to prepare for the newfound discovery that trees and brush, when dry, are flammable.
  • I haven’t fired up my motorcycle yet.
  • The chickens are scratching at frozen soil and look mighty pissed off that no worms are coming up.
  • The dandelions and tulips aren’t back.

There you have it.  I’m as accurate as the Farmers Almanac and probably as archaic.

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I Pine For A “New” Osborne

Mostly Cajun had a post about the 30th anniversary of the Osborne. The Osborne was a clunky dog made with technology that just wasn’t ready. Sadly, it’s unique design has was relegated to the scrapheap of rejected ideas. I never had one. I think the Osborne’s design was pretty cool and we should rethink it’s rejection.

Behold...the anthises of a modern iDevice. Bask in it's chunky heft!

Seeing the Osborne on Mostly Cajun accidentally re-ignited a complaint I keep simmering on my back burner. “Portables” are gone forever and laptops have emphasized small over utilitarian far too long.

W.T.F.?

I’d love a modern laptop’s components dumped into the archaic Osborne’s design. Forget about delicate laptops meant for ironic twittering at Starbucks. I want a beefy utilitarian device for hammering out work on my terms. Something I can use mercilessly.

I especially want everything in one piece. A monoputer? Engineers reduce laptop size by externalizing parts. Why? I have to carry all that crap anyway. Why should a power cord have a transformer? In a larger device you could stick the power supply back inside where it belongs. Why should I carry a mouse separately (or suffer with a touchpad)? If a truck can have a glove box so can a portable computer. A mouse should nest inside a portable when traveling. I don’t think a laptop should need a protective case either. Cases are overpriced pillows required for fragile little toys that need coddling. Who decreed that we should stuff laptops in a protective sleeve and then jam the sleeve in a briefcase plus a wad of cables wrapped around a mouse? I want my laptop to be the briefcase.

Modern laptops (cool as they are) are constructed like puny little toys; the final frontier of electronic metrosexual consumerism. Don’t drop it. Don’t toss it in the car’s back seat. Don’t leave it in the cold. Don’t let your kid play with it. Don’t spill coffee on it. Not everyone likes carrying around a Fabrege egg. Who trained us to accept such things?

Because I like hurling vindictive and arbitrary barbs at Steve Jobs I blame him and his pet media. Apple couldn’t make something better so they made it smaller. (And admittedly cooler looking.) Everyone followed suit. It’s been going on for years. The press will always go apeshit for the newest trinket because it’s a half ounce lighter than the last. Why? Do I really live in a populace that can’t lift a six pound laptop? Perhaps some folks really do need need a 4 ounce netbook.  (Presumably Woody Allen, small children, and undercover spies?) I don’t. Anything smaller than a case of beer is fine with me. In fact a 24 pack is the perfect size!

Two guys standing around discussing politics...while the perfect model for a laptop is right under their nose and they're totally not seeing the brilliance!

I’d like a laptop re-imagined as a “portable”; crude, cheap, repairable, and strong. Within reason don’t worry about size. A “new” Osborn could be all that and a bag of chips. Picture a cheap laptop’s guts bolted into an Osborne style case. There would be plenty of extra space. What would you put in that delicious expanse? Storage? A printer? A battery that lasts weeks? A thermos? A self retracting power cable? A pistol case? A cigarette lighter power adapter? A built in deer cam? A keyed lock to keep the case closed. Straps to tie it to your motorcycle/kayak/mule/hood? An AM/FM radio (CB? HAM?)? A telescoping directional highly selective wifi antenna? A projector? Decent speakers? Imagine the possibilities!

Notice that I didn’t mentioned any technology that is expensive or rare? All that’s lacking is imagination. Go ahead and imagine a different world. If John Lennon pictured universal utopia why can’t I imagine a waterproof portable with an integrated thermos and a monster battery. One that’s so tough I can check it when flying. (Let the apes in the baggage department tag it and toss it in a pile of suitcases while I travel light!) Yes indeed…some things can be built and aren’t only because the blinders are on.

(Incidentally, I’m aware of “hardened” laptops. They sound good but I’ve used them and they suck. They still make concessions to size over utility. Dust seals and a fiddly keyboard wrapped around the same old shit at twice the price didn’t float my boat.)

So there you have it; my Curmudgeonly plea for a world that has both “portables” and “laptops”? Can’t we all just get along? It’s my fault, I was never properly trained as a consumer. I don’t care if the newest iDevice is 1/16th inch thinner but I’d flip for an integrated retractable power cable. These things happen when you’re hopelessly uncool and don’t watch enough TV.

A.C.

P.S. Photo linked to Denver Post Blog here.  I think it’s important for society that policiticans be seen drinking beer.

Posted in Brilliance and Simplicity, Technology of Indignity | Leave a comment