Author Archives: AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Providence Pantry Bread Mix is not only tasty and so easy a stoned monkey can make it but it also can seek and destroy those who oppose it. Continue reading →

You could be a serial killer that makes puppets out of dead baby seals and you suddenly have a halo when you’re kneading. Continue reading →

Eagle eyed folks might notice the whiskey and coffee cup in the background. There is absolutely no reason why you should be sober while baking. Duh! Continue reading →

When posted that I baked a loaf of cement I got a lot of advice.  (Including a great deal which was not recorded in text / comments but delivered in person.  The personal advice came in sentences that began with … Continue reading →

Unlike politicians, I can learn. If attempt one went down in flames that means nothing! Nothing I say! Attempt two shall be better, faster, stronger. Continue reading →

I love bread makers.  I use ’em hard and tend to wear them out.  (Like many things bread machines are built shitty and cheap… I think most of them get used only rarely.) Usually I mill my own flour from … Continue reading →

I have been informed that the object that did such an excellent job trashing my thumb (or at least setting the stage for mayhem) is a “quicklink”. Looks innocent doesn’t it?  Hardly any rust right? I’m going to hurl it … Continue reading →

I’ve been “fighting” a cold. (“Fighting” being a euphemism for “getting my ass kicked”.) Like all red blooded men, I approached the situation with denial. It’s in the guy manual. “Bah! I’m not that bad. A half gallon of coffee … Continue reading →

While checking out the vegan strip club quandary I crossed paths with Exhibit B. Exhibit B is a video of a man dressed in a kilt and Darth Vader outfit, on a unicycle, playing bagpipes, that shoot flames. I’m not one to discount the imaginative of humanity. This is truly something unique. Only Portland would create such an entity. Which is why I never turn my back on either the Pacific or Portland. Continue reading →