Motorcycle Hunting: Done The Deed

The deed is done. I veered from the path of predictability which, Adaptive Curmudgeon that I am, is a common occurrence. I carefully considered all options. When you carefully think things over you are more likely to chose something ideal for your specific desires than a mainstream “middle of the bell curve” solution. Having informed myself I strode clear into the wilderness of “thinking outside the box”. (Dumb expression but I really do it.) Whether it was because of or despite all that careful consideration is a thing unknowable. All I can say is I’m pleased with my new toy!

I bought a 1989 Honda Pacific Coast. Yes, I bought a 34 year old bike that’s unlike nearly any other bike from that era (or any other era). It looks weird, runs like a top, and I can’t stop smiling.

Photo from Wikipedia. Yes, it does look weird.

I have intentions for this new motorcycle. It’s niche is “not stuff I’ve already got” and also “chill”. I was thinking hard about and highly motivated by chill. Chill was key.

As for not-a-duplication; I already have two great bikes. My first is a roaring testosterone soaked chrome cruiser. I love my well used and super reliable Honda Shadow ACE 1100. Wikipedia shot of an 1100 ACE below:

My other bike is Honey Badger, my slow, cheap, and crude but plucky and unkillable little forest mule. It’s a Yamaha TW200. Basic photo of a TW200 below (mine has mire dirt and a bunch of survival shit bolted to it):

<Warning: digression> The timing of my TW200 purchase is interesting. I faffed about looking at ATVs and Argos for months and months. Then I bought the TW200 fast fast fast once I’d made the decision. It was a hurried action. Whether by intent or chance I purchased it just days before society crawled up its own ass.

I didn’t know the name of the destroyer. It could have been Covid or it could have been the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. It doesn’t matter what caused the upheaval; only that it happened. I knew something was afoot and that really did play a part in the timing.

I did not expect the extreme level of collapse. I had no idea the degree to which everyone would lose their shit. I didn’t know it would be caused by a pathogen. I did expect riots but I didn’t expect them to be protected by the government itself. I couldn’t imagine that lockdowns and riots would lead to a president who (absolutely unquestionably) got more votes than any other candidate in history taking the oath of office behind concertina wire.

I just knew the toddler was about to go full tantrum. Three years of hyperventilating wasn’t fading into calm. People do stupid shit until they stop and nobody was stopping. Something had to give and it would be monumentally stupid. It was!

I got a good deal on the Yamaha. I bought it brand new cheaper than people are currently asking for 5 year old used ones on Craigslist. (I also bought a shitload of canned goods but we all do that don’t we?)

Is that it? Am I peering into another abyss? Is there something in society driving this year’s purchase of a PC-800? Maybe. It’s hard to articulate. I did pursue it diligently instead of lazily.

Ask yourself, do you see outbreaks of reason and intelligence? Do things seem more or less stable? We’ve been on an national tantrum for a long time and we appear to want, need, and desire to hit our balls with a sledgehammer until we all live in mud huts.

If you knew… absolutely knew… shit was going pear shaped (more than it already has) what would you do? Would you load up your garage with a “chill bike”? Would you make sure it’s already gassed and positioned before the zombies take out whatever next piece of society they’ll target? I did.

When the next mass hysteria hits maybe I’ll do a road trip. Maybe I’ll go camping. When the lights go out what else is there to do but evade or enjoy the show? When the next madness hits… and it will… will you be surprised. Why?</digression>

Back to the here and now. I didn’t need a cruiser or a dirt bike and sport bikes (which are are awesome) are not for me. Even if I got a sport bike for free I’d just wind up buying a new boat for my chiropractor. Also, I’m just too lazy to ride that hard. If I do something stupid on two wheels I’d rather do it at 20 MPH over a soft surface of pine needles. Likewise, sport tourers lack for chill. They’re just too tall and aggressively seated for chillin’ out.

Seeking a tourer, I found myself shoved hard toward the tried and true, widely known, manufactured by boatloads, Honda Goldwing. It’s more or less the creator of the purpose made touring bike. I test drove several and nearly bought one. But their excellence fell flat to my eyes. They’ve just got too much stuff. I’ll address that in detail later.

I went back to the drawing board and settled on the Honda Pacific Coast 800. Honda, so the story goes, doesn’t just compete for markets. They seek to make markets. The PC800 took a shot at a new market.

It didn’t work out but Honda was doing the right thing trying. Remember when companies won your dollar through competition?

Honda’s Cub (a moped sized thing that has been in constant manufacture from 1958) is the most popular motor vehicle on planet earth. Suck on that Ford’s Model T! By the 1980’s Honda (along with Suzuki and Yamaha) had mastered the mechanics of reliable motorcycles so much that word “UJM” (universal Japanese motorcycle) was not an insult (at least not to me). Triumphs and Nortons and so forth were run ragged trying to keep up. Honda turned their engineers loose on the cruiser market and Harley-Davidson ran to pappa Ronald Regan for a protective tax in 1983.

It wasn’t called the chicken tax for nothing. My cruiser is so similar in sound to a Harley’s “potato potato” rumble that HD went to court to stop it. It didn’t work. My Shadow may deliberately sound the same, but that Japanese engineered V-twin is a whole different machine where it matters; in my humble opinion shaft drive and liquid cooling will beat leather vests and brand loyalty every time.

As for tourers, Honda noticed people bolting Vetter fairings on their bikes. Soon the Goldwing was in it’s element as the “pre-built to tour” standard. It dominated the “dad bod” touring bike market then and it still does now.

So I can’t fault Honda for a market failure with the Pacific Coast. Honda thought it could sell motorcycles to tech nerd silicon valley dweebs who wanted nothing to do with a regular “chrome and wrenches” motorcycle. They built a bike which looked much like a scooter, something like a car, rode easy, and was nothing like motorcycles of the time. Good try. American yuppie dweebs just didn’t go for it.

Honda deliberately made it tame lest they scare off the nerds. Remember how I was seeking chill? Chill and tame are two sides of one coin.

Honda even named their unique, one of a kind, like nothing else, machine “Pacific Coast” after the pretty highway of the left coast. Compare that to names that are all testosterone and glory; “Intruder”, “Marauder”, “Ninja”, “Vulcan”, “Katana”. Honda always sounds a little tamer than the crowd; my cruiser is a “Shadow” instead of an “Assassin”. Here I shout out to HD with names that drip with style; “FatBoy”,”Shovelhead”, “Softtail”, “Road Glide”. HD names rock!

Honda’s unique creation confused everyone. Motorcycle people looked at the plastic clad thing and fled. They said “it looks gay” (which I suppose it does, compared to sport bikes and cruiser). They legitimately griped “how can I play with wrenches on a robot like that?” They avoided it like the plague. Car people looked at the two wheeled creation and said “disguising a motorcycle doesn’t make me fear it any less”.

Honda gave it a shot for 9 years (starting in 1989). They sold a meager 14,000 and threw in the towel. The idea returns from time to time. If the ill fated Honda PC800 is the bike that looks like a scooter, the Suzuki Burgman 650 is the scooter that plays with bikes. (Used Burgmans are going for sky high prices right now!) (I have a soft spot for things that reach further. Later on I’ll talk about trucks and the Subaru Brat.)

Honda’s troubles are not my problem; they’re my opportunity. I like things for what they are, not what they represent. I like scooterish bikes, bike-ish scooters, and anything else that’s well made. I might have bought a Honda PCX350 scooter if Honda had gotten off it’s ass and dropped one in my local market.

My attitude about motorcycles embraces actual diversity. All motorcycles are cool. Every damn motorcycle is cooler than the average car.

So now I’m happy with my dumpy little PC800. (Note: it looks little but it’s not.) I got nothing to prove to nobody and I don’t need a wheeled chrome codpiece. I wish there were more bikes with the huge unique trunk of the PC800. I love the badonkadonk on my new bike!

More details to follow…

Some random photos from the internet. #1 Check out that badonkadink! 80 liters of locked waterproof storage is solidly in the Goldwing’s “truck like luggage capacity” territory:

#2 This photo is of “Cack” A Honda PC-800 that has been ridden hard and abused to monumental levels. Its owner was a legend in PC-800 forums “back in the day”. I’m not sure if Cack or its owner is still around. I’m 34 years late to the PC-800 party.