I’ve been on the prowl for a new (used) motorcycle. I mentioned this in Memento Mori and Motorcycle Hunt: Close Call With Greatness. You’re only getting the high points (like all good hunts, it’s an individual journey). I’ve been sniffing the breeze and watching the horizon, confident something will happen.
Something did indeed happen. I either narrowly avoided a mistake or inexplicably flaked on a great deal!
Curmudgeon’s Navel Gazing:
Did I make the correct choice? Let’s back away from the trees of motorcycles and discuss the forest of life: Why do people do stupid shit? Some stupid shit is gloriously innocent: “Hold my beer and watch this…” Nothing wrong with that. Other stupid shit is so predictably doomed to fail it hurts to watch. That’s the shit to avoid!
Ever see people do stuff so absolutely mind bogglingly moronic you wonder how they derived the slightest hope it would succeed? Think of paths were people march into bad results that are more or less a certainty. The fool that smokes 3 packs a day while bitching about their health. The moron that’s always broke who just took on more payments. The dude who eats shit from his harpy wife until she takes half his money and runs off with the UPS guy.
Many of us sleepwalk into the woodchipper… repeatedly. We’ve all seen it. It’s a human thing. We need self-control to avoid predictable failures.
It’s hard to plumb an individual man’s mind. It’s easier to observe big groups as they take obviously unwise paths. This is best examined for a time and place far removed from your current situation; thus to avoid your own biases. War is often (usually!) avoidable and it’s always horrible. With 20/20 hindsight the precursors that created most wars seem unthinkably obvious.
I suspect the American Civil War was like that. Pressure built for whole human lifetimes. Nobody diffused it in advance. Few people correctly predicted the hell that ensued. Everyone thought it would be a spat… a faffing about… a skirmish. It was nothing like that. Americans were incredibly effective at killing Americans. Things happened in a way that didn’t happen in Britain or Brazil.
What’s weird is that it wasn’t sudden. The ethical division in the populace had been there literally since the founding. As Lincoln so eloquently put, we had four score and seven (87) years to sort our shit out. We didn’t. Many nations had to thread the same needle. Many did so without bloodshed. Why not us?
I think we deliberately chose to avoid resolving things and instead used it as a political hot potato; a loser’s game in the long run. We let a real problem become merely one-upmanship. Each new State became a brand new battle. “Will the new State side with Team A or Team B? How does the addition of that new State change the balance of power? Who gains? Who loses?” Two points of view never finding or seeking compromise. Keeping the kettle on boil instead of inching toward resolution. America played politics until things had already gone to shit and by then neither side could find a way out.
A forever game of political one-upmanship instead of resolving legitimate issues. Sound familiar?
The “States as pieces on a gameboard” thing still happens right now… or rather it’s frozen in a stalemate. Puerto Rico isn’t a State. It’s bigger than some States. It could be a State. Yet, if we add it, some would benefit and some would lose… so it stays balanced on the knife edge of a nation that has razor sharp political edges. Maybe that’s for the best, I’m not in Puerto Rico so I don’t know. But it’s odd that we went from 13 colonies to 50 states and then lost the use of the tool. (We last added states in 1959; Hawaii and Alaska.)
Existing States can be split as needed. It has happened before. West Virginia split from Virginia in 1863. Maine separated from Massachusetts in 1820. Now that’s considered “unthinkable”. If we split a State someone would benefit and someone would lose. Notice that release of pressure or responsive governance is irrelevant? It’s not even considered. It’s all about short term wins and losses in the forever game.
A rancher in East Rattlesnake, Oregon; where it barely rains, the neighbor is six miles away, and coyotes outnumber people has to live under rules made by a foreign power. His State is run from Hippietopia where it never stops raining, there are more lesbian drug dispensaries than tractor supply stores, and people consider skate boards a legitimate form of transportation. Chaining those two disparate worlds together is exclusively for the benefit of people who care for the game. The welfare of ranchers or skateboarders isn’t relevant.
The dude trying to run fence isn’t selfish. He legitimately chafes under regulations made by people who are unlike him and possibly hate him. His part of the State can’t split off because endless friction is not just tolerated but embraced.
How long has it been this way? Has the rancher eaten shit for his full 87 years yet?
Back to my original example, after decades of building pressure, Republicans elected their first president. The Republican party specifically supported abolition. It was a hotly contested election. As soon as the guy was sworn in, everyone freaked out. Sound familiar?
(I pause here to help uninformed victims of America’s dumbed down public schools. Many if not all societies had slavery at one time; from Aztecs to Egyptians, from Vikings to Venice, from Congo to Constantinople, Byzantium to Brazil. Slavery faded out in fits and starts (with many caveats); often due to boring economic factors or occasionally because of soaring enlightenment ideals. America’s transition involved the first Republican President; Lincoln. Even now people debate the way the mess happened. Ironically, most folks who riot in our urban areas on sunny summer weekends; gathering to piss and moan and stamp their feet at the base of a George Floyd statue erected on Martin Luther King Jr. boulevard have no idea of this. They howl against the party that took up arms to end slavery. Before you set out to change the world, read a book!)
To me, war seems the least wise way to resolve the situation. Why wasn’t 87 years enough to figure it out? Careers were made on the endless struggle. Lives were lived in support or opposition. Earnest, dedicated, citizens on both sides bled out together in Gettysburg. It could have been an eight decade series of committee meetings.
Here’s the lesson I take from it: Humans are herd animals. Once they settle on a path, change is beyond the mind of most humans. A self-actuated human can break free but the rest will plod, stupid and complacent, like robots. Each step is another step on a path that was laid out long ago. There will be times when someone says “this is stupid, lets see if we find a new way”… but it won’t resonate. Humans unthinkingly continue doing stupid shit until you bury them in box lots.
We all carry this weakness. Only the use of our barely understood monkey derived mind gives us a small chance to escape. When shit seems sketchy, a humble man will ask himself “am I the cause”. Maybe, if I’m on a track that’s “wrong” or “stupid”, I can figure it out in time. “Oh no! I’m being an idiot! I’ll stop following this path right now!”
When’s the last time you adjusted your sails to the changing wind? If you don’t occasionally change settings you’re not steering the ship. Fools take the next step because they already took the last one. Don’t be a fool.
Now back to the story.
Less Heady Thoughts About Motorcycles:
I researched the living shit out of old motorcycles. I considered my expectations of the new acquisition, what old machines could do, how reliable they were, how much they cost, etc…
Initially I was thinking of an old Honda Goldwing GL1200. There’s a lot going for the opposed 4 cylinder engine and Goldwings basically created the tourer motorcycle market. They’re common, popular, cheap, often well cared for, and the average age of the original purchasers is geriatric. I would re-home some geezer’s GL1200 and give it a second life. (GL1200 photo from Wikipedia.)
Unfortunately, I live in Bumfuck Egypt. Used vehicles here are a mixed bag. Many GL1200s were worn and mistreated. Cheap, but shot. I’d have to drive a million miles to find a good one or move up the food chain.
Moving up the food chain, I pondered the advantages of the next generation Goldwing; the GL1500. It’s a huge step up. The GL1500 gained 2 cylinders and 300 cc displacement. They are newer in vintage and everything mechanical was significantly improved. Plus, I was getting antsy about the single and scary flaw in the GL1200, the stator.
So yours truly anteed up his mental budget and started looking for a GL1500. (Photo from Wikipedia.)
I don’t much like the GL1500. I think it’s too boxy. I’m not overly concerned about aesthetics but the GL1500 is my least favorite Goldwing. Still, there’s no doubt it was a better value. The specifications and reviews were clear. There is no real flaw to the GL1500. Even people who hate them admit they’re awesome.
But if new is better what about the GL1800? (Photo from Wikipedia.)
Comparing a GL1800 (hit the market in 2001) to a GL1200 (hit the market in 1983) is to compare a donkey to a spaceship. The Goldwing GL1800 is a fuckin’ BEAST! They’re simply awesome. I’d be gaining components that increase reliability, fuel injection, LCD screens that aren’t so old, radios that are more modern, etc…
Thus it passed that I’d “leveled up three times”. Soon I was test driving an absolutely excellent specimen of the 5th Generation Goldwing, the GL1800.
Stay tuned.
Stoled.
How much do the various Gold Wings weigh?
Without getting into the weeds they weight a lot! I’d say as a practical matter you’re well beyond half a ton when it’s rolling and loaded.
They start out well north of 750 pounds “dry weight”. Add fluids like oil and coolant (and remember the thirsty engine has over 5 gallons of gas in the tank when full). Then add whatever is in the saddlebags and trunk. Then add the weight of one rider who’s beefy enough to manage the bike and often a passenger. You can probably count on 1250 pounds +/- when riding two up. (If that sounds crazy remember that specifications pretend that the rider and passenger weigh nothing. Which is pure bullshit. Two “American sized” people is not a small mass and physics doesn’t care if it’s chrome, mechanical components, or a lard ass that’s flying into the corner.)
That said, when in motion it is very well balanced. Also, most GL1500 and all GL1800 have reverse. From my point of view it’s almost necessary on a barge that heavy.
My humble opinion is that all of the really big tourers are very close to the maximum practical weight. Not just the Goldwing but others; Yamaha Venture, some of the full boat BWM tourers, big ass Harely-Davidson baggers, etc… Notably the GL1800 is lighter than its predecessor the GL1500 (even has smaller luggage carrying capacity).
I’ll grant that the Goldwings I tested are pretty nimble. They merit very close care at slow speeds in a parking lot but when you’re on the open road they balance like a ballerina.
WebWeight: 357 kg (787 lb) Gold Wing 379.0 kg (835.5 lb) Gold Wing Tour Fuel capacity: 20.8 L (4.6 imp gal; 5.5 US gal)
So, with a full tank, you’re looking at around Eight Hundred and twenty ish pounds…
Shazzam!
Nope, way too big and powerful for me. I have a 2004 Vulcan 800 Classic and that’s as high as I’m going to go. To be fair, 80% of my riding is suburban and city (east central WI) , I need something more nimble than the GW. If I was out west with open highways it might be different.
I wasn’t worried about too much power so much as weight and height. I guess I’d call it “operator overhead” to manage the bigger bikes.
I’ve got a Honda Shadow ACE with 1100cc and have been riding that since I bought it new in 1999. Gobs of power on that thing! Also super reliable. I just want something “different”, maybe smoother and more mellow with better design for touring.
BTW I think much of the 1100cc displacement on my cruiser is overkill 800 cc will get you anywhere you want to go. I recall Vulcans look very nice too.
The other posters have hit on my first thought, that Goldwings are really, really heavy. Have you thought about an old BMW GS-series bike? Dry weight is less than 500 lbs and, with a few after-market comfort tweaks, they’re quite comfortable on longer rides. Of course, if you don’t have a BMW mechanic close by, anything more than first-line maintenance becomes a real nightmare.
I test drove a BWM but it was too tall for me. Also there isn’t a BMW mechanic for a very long ways… but there aren’t a lot of good local mechanics anyway.
I think my wife’s Roadsmith conversion trike is a GL1800 base. The look of it in your post seems very familiar. She loves it. Especially the extra trunk space, that comes in handy when long distance overnight trips. But it is a space hog and if it didn’t have a reverse gear, pushing it into parking could become problematic. She was cautioned that try not to use it unnecessarily or backing up uphill or risk premature damage.
You have to forgive me, I’m not a biker by any means. But living with one has gained me meager knowledge of them.
Not to be pedantic but I need to correct or perhaps expand a point you make.
We went from 13 colonies to 50 states, correct. But we had a revolutionary war of independence in between. The 13 colonies went from being colonies belonging to various English entities to be 13 independent, separate, sovereign countries, nations or, in the understood language of the time “States”. Eventually, the states got together and formed a union, not a single country.
We are the United States, not the United Provinces, United Shires or something else. “State” had a single, specific, meaning back then. We need to remember who, under our Constitution, is sovereign and it is not DC.
Other than that very minor quibble (if that) great article. Last motorcycles I had were a 250 Bultaco Pursang for motocross and Harley Sportster for the road. I loved them both. Then I got married in 74.
If you ever want to chat about Puerto Rico and our endless status debate (Statehood, commonwealth or independence) I’ll be happy to add my 2 cents. I’ve lived most of my adult life here.
The REAL problem in my view is that we don’t really have Republican and Democrat parties. All oiliticians are either statehood party (New Progressive Party) or Commonwealth party (Popular Democrat Party). If we solved the status dilema, neither party would have a reason to exist and too many rice bowls would be broken.
We do have a few Independence politicians but less than 5%.
Anyway, love the blog