Memento Mori

If you think I’m going to write about current events, you’re wrong. I’m going to write about time.

Long ago railways phased out cabooses. Like puppies and cold beer, everyone loves a caboose! (Get your head out of the gutter!) I’d read somewhere you could buy one cheap. I recall something like $500 or $100… I’m not sure. It was along time ago. Probably 30 years I think?

I remember that moment. I drove to a train yard and looked upon a huge array of old cabooses. They really were for sale! How cool is that?!

Of course there’s more to a thing like that than the initial purchase. There was the issue of shipping the behemoth… and I didn’t have any land upon which to plant it. I was a broke ass kid. The logistics were beyond me. I shrugged my shoulders and let the moment pass.

If I could regain that moment I’d love it! If I could have a caboose at that price and from that time magically transported to my homestead I’d sprain my arm throwing money at whomever offered it. Alas, it was a one time opportunity.

Our household’s cars are aging. Among three main vehicles I estimate we’ve accumulated 600,000 miles on various odometers.* They’re all still fine but we had a close call with a deer a few months ago. We nearly lost one of three.

That got me thinking. Being a belt and suspenders kind of guy, I’d love to have a “beater car” as a backup. However, “beater car” has gradually become a concept from a time before.

When gasoline was made of gasoline and carburetors still walked the earth, a Buick cost eight grand, you could pay it off in 4 years, and maintenance was constant but cheap. That sort of vehicle also drove like a potato, burned a lot of fuel, lacked things like electric windows or AC, and had half the lifespan of a modern EPA compliant space vehicle.

Back then odometers “rolled over” at 99,999 miles.

A ten year old Buick of that era is what I’m thinking about but I don’t live in that era. I spent my youth in rusty pieces of shit. I bought them cash, drove them a while, and then swapped to the next one. I was a bottom feeder. Cars of that time rarely “rolled over” twice.

Here in 2023 that’s an old timey geezer idea. A cheap ass “backup” car that can be bought with spare change and will get to town but not much further has been replaced by a laptop on wheels that starts with an 8 year payment plan and runs a quarter million miles before something big goes out that’s too expensive to repair.

Cars are immensely more expensive/complex and that changes everything. They’re superior in many ways but they’re also big ticket items. As a result, Americans keep their cars running as long as they can… we follow the trail blazed by highly regulated worlds; such as Cuba and private aviation. (Ever wonder why the “logbook” on a 50 year old Cessna is almost as valuable as the plane itself? Ask the FAA.)

Does it matter. Nah! I’ve got plenty of years and miles left in my “fleet”. I don’t need to pine for a type of car that existed in an economy that’s long gone. There might be a few out there but the market itself probably fell on the altar of “Cash for Clunkers”.

I’ll shrug my shoulders and let a moment pass.

But wait! I’m here to talk about a moment that’s not passed. Used motorcycles right now are undergoing the transition that’s mostly over for used cars.

If you walk into a modern motorcycle stealership you’ll see the most amazing, cool, powerful, technologically advanced, motorcycles. They’re awesome! They’re fuel injected, have ABS, come with navigation, want to engage in bluetooth tomfoolery with your cell phone, etc… Motorcycles are the last of machines piloted by people who can use a clutch but even that is fading. Honda is already shipping Golwdings with automatic transmission. (Groan all you want, from what I’ve heard Honda has nailed it.)

Modern flagship bikes are incredibly cool but they’re also inhumanly expensive!

YMMV but I also think they’ll be a stone cold bitch to maintain in 20 years. Just as a modern car is totaled when the airbags deploy and a Tesla is junked if the battery is nipped, so to with the modern motorcycle. A $30,000 full dress bagger bought today is going to be very hard to maintain in 2043.

What can we learn from the lesson of cars? Forget what’s on the motorcycle showroom floor and consider the bike’s ancestors. My Honda cruiser was made in 1999. It lacks ABS, has two carburetors, and doesn’t have radios and navigation. What it does have is liquid cooling, shaft drive, disk brakes, and modern metallurgy. It was built like a brick shithouse; go Honda!

My bike runs like it did the day I bought it and has had hardly any issues. With basic maintenance it could last forever. If you couldn’t afford it in 1999 maybe now’s your time?

I dropped something like $8k on my bike when I bought it new. I probably added a grand in saddlebags and shit over the years. Used bikes exactly like mine are readily had for $2,000-$3,000. The difference between performance on day one and two decades later is nil. If you want that sort of machine, a few grand is a smoking hot deal!

I think there’s a sweet spot with the used motorcycle market and that moment is right now. History is like this: UJMs (universal Japanese motorcycles) of the 1970s and 1980s can be infinitely fixed and are great fun. They’ll hang OK in modern traffic but they’re a bit basic. By the late 1980s and 1990s many bikes were functionally equivalent to anything you’d need right now but they were still infinitely reparable. It’s hard to say when that moment passed but it did. I guess around 2010 is when they started the drift toward the not infinitely reparable.

Also, I might as well point out that motorcycle riders in America are fading too. Used vehicles are usually purchased by young people entering the market. With some exceptions younger generations are barely willing to walk outdoors where it might rain. The population of people that can swing a leg over a rolling engine and ride it to the horizon is us… not the youth who are afraid of their own shadow. You might as well capitalize on this!

That’s just my opinion, you’re welcome to mock me.

I am prowling Craigslist. I’m looking for… I’m not sure what. I’m looking for something that will be gone in 10 years and it’s cheap now. Something from the “infinitely reparable yet ready to ride without a wrench in your pocket” era. Wish me luck.

I already have a V-Twin so I want something different. I’m looking at old Goldwings. The GL1200 / GL1500 series had bulletproof engines but still had repairable carburetors and serviceable parts. No ABS, fuel injection is uncommon, etc… Goldwings have the best reputation for long miles. They’re sometimes infected with decrepit technology, faded LCD screens, stereo systems from the cassette era, etc… I’m looking for bikes with the least features; not the most.

There’s other candidates too, some Yamaha Ventures, the Kawasaki Concourse, I’m weirdly attracted to the goofy market failure that is the Honda Pacific Coast, I’m not sure about some of the inline engine BMW tourers (I may be too short for them), and Moto Guzzis look cool but they seem pretty rare. I’m not looking at Harleys. They don’t interest me.

What you do with this information is up to you. What I do with it is uncertain too.

All I can say is “It’s a strange time so recognize it”. If you want the biggest baddest most mile eating supertourer of 1988 you can get one in mint condition and plenty of miles left fir a high market price of $7k. I’m looking at the under $5k market and haven’t yet found what I want; but I’m patient.

Memento mori; remember you are going to die.

I just checked out a clapped out GL1200 for $2k. The bike would probably run another 100,000 miles but the non-mechanical stuff was pretty banged up. The motor was as smooth as silk but detached switches and stuff that doesn’t work were all over the bike. It’ll ride fine and the right person could ignore it all for an easy 50,000 miles for sure.

I decided I’d like less drama. Also, I’m a shitty mechanic. It’s wise to spend more up front to avoid future issues. (Also the local motorcycle mechanic’s pool is pretty thin!)

What really got me was the last line in the ad. It mentioned the mileage and various features and so forth. Then it ended with this:

Reason for selling, 82.

That’s it isn’t it?

The whole arc of mortality in four words.

I met the seller. He looked pretty spry for 82. He explained that his balance wasn’t what it once was. That’s is a biological certainty for all of us. Regardless, I hope I look that good when I’m that age.

The bike wasn’t what I wanted but I lingered, soaking up everything he had to say. He seemed a good fellow who’d done cool things. I heard a small sliver of a fascinating life story. I hung on every word. I can find another bike somewhere else, but I wish I knew the guy so I could hear more.

We’re all gonna’ die. In case you’re wondering that includes you too. When your time approaches you can be the guy standing in a garage telling a bearded stranger about your many motorcycle trips to Alaska. Or you can spend your time doing nothing and therefore have nothing to say. Your call.

On that happy note, I’ll stop typing.

Bye.

A.C.

*Ponder my accumulated mileage for a minute. A generic nobody of a blogger with some basic vehicles has traveled well over half a million miles. That’s just the current crop of cars in the driveway (I have owned many cars). I’ve no idea how many million miles my eyes have seen but it’s unfathomably vast. Compared to most humans in all of history I have lived larger than a king. The personally owned vehicle is freedom. Never let your gift from the inventive generations before you be seized!