My Obligatory Post About How PayPal Just Shit Its Pants

Before I begin my next camping story, I need to address blog logistics in the woke realm.

PayPal borked itself. Bwa ha ha ha!

My reaction is laughter at the hilarity of morons. How can you not enjoy the show? It’s not like we haven’t seen every online platform and most large corporations go woke like lemmings jumping into a wood chipper. It’s not like any of them have reaped soaring stock prices after doing the deed. Sooner or later the urge to SJW suicide was coming to PayPal. A predictable event gives you a chance to anticipate it and so it had no affect on me. Also, please keep showering me with tips in whatever new system I setup AND the legacy PayPal link I’ll keep up for a while.

Just before I left to go camping last week, PayPal announced it would steal up to $2,500 if they “felt like it”. OK they actually said “misinformation” but we live in the Bidenverse. In our world of universal deceit, “misinformation” has literally no other meaning than “we inhabit one side of the political spectrum and enjoy behaving unethically toward the other half”. The fact that people will destroy their own business doing so is the punchline to the joke.

I’m not going to pretend to care about PayPal’s terms of service. Who would? They were lining up for straight up theft. They deserve what is happening to them now. Nor does telling the truth have anything to do with “misinformation”. There are countless examples of “misinformation” that turned out to be 100% true.

“Misinformation” justifies theft as a means of punishment for Wrongthink? Orwell you sexy bitch, you called it!

Do you remember a time before “misinformation” was a word? It wasn’t that long ago. Think hard. Try to remember the “before times”. “Trillion” only came into use when the Federal debt got ridiculous, “misinformation” only became everything that reflects poorly on one side the political spectrum when that side started (successfully!) censoring everything within its reach. It’ll stay that way until it changes. (Yes, I know that last statement sounds dumb but there’s a meaning and I hope y’all get it.)

We see the relationship between “misinformation” and bullshit already. Bullshit is the old way to lie, the new way is to label true things “misinformation”. Eventually it comes out in the wash. Soon even your elderly mother’s cat figures out the totality of the bullshit. As soon as that happens, kool-aid drinkers memory hole the whole thing and find some other thing to censor. The good news is a few more people learn to hate the media each time the cycle repeats.

Here’s some “misinformation” that nobody but the completely deluded still accept: “Hunter Biden’s laptop is a Russian plant”, “Russia, Russia, Russia… Trump did collusion and the Steele Dossier we paid for proves it!”, “This polar bear is sick because you keep too much of your own money”. My favorite is a recurring old time classic that’s been around my whole life: “gas in USA is unexpectedly expensive temporarily because of <someone or something that has hardly any influence on America’s energy policy> and it has nothing to do with the current president”. (Ah yes, the latter is words from Carter and Obama repeated through the drooling mouth of Biden. Presidents that mismanage energy policy always blame some external force.)

Other facts are still going through the “misinformation” digestive process. For a little while it’s still possible for a sane person to go along with the narrative. It doesn’t last. Everyone with basic reasoning skills knows where it’s going. In due time, the evidence comes clear and everyone save the true cultists accepts that they were lied to. The sheep who got swept up in the moment pretend they knew it was crap all along. The rest of us smelled bullshit on day one but nobody listened. It’s neither your nor my fault people when people act in gullible herds.

Here are some examples of mid-digestion heresy. The truth is coming out slowly and painfully but inexorably… like a that time you ate four pounds of cheese and nearly lost your soul taking a dump 30 hours later. Here goes: “the 2020 vote was so squeaky clean you can eat off the Dominion receipt”, “the vaccine was necessary, safe, and effective, just like the crusty bandanna you wear alone in your car, and we didn’t mean it when we fired you from your job and made Grandma die alone”, “plucky glorious Ukraine is kicking mean evil Russia’s ass so completely Putin will be overthrown by his own people in June of 2022”, and “everyone in California will buy an electric car by 2030 which they’ll effortlessly charge on a grid that can’t reliably keep the air conditioners running in 2022”. When processing the narrative, remember to flush afterward.

Anyway, PayPal is just another pebble in the avalanche of stupid. I’m nobody’s bitch and you aren’t either. PayPal is a fart in a windstorm.

As a blogger, I read the announcement they sent and checked my account within the hour. Inside of 90 minutes, the account was emptied. Easy peasy. (I had like $53 in there.) That’s it. I spent my tiny savings and then went camping. PayPal could try to steal the $0 I left behind. Good luck with that! That’s how you deal with woke corporations.

My camping trip was short. By the time I got back within cell/wifi range PayPal was backtracking. “I didn’t mean to hit you baby, it was a misunderstanding , I’ve changed, please come back to me…” It didn’t last a single weekend! Can you imagine trying to say you’d “accidentally” written up a terms of service contract? “Why just the other week I tripped and accidentally wrote and published an update to my corporate warranty policy as I fell… these things happen.”

To quote Sarah:

“…what Paypal did was the equivalent of pulling down its shorts and shooting themselves where it hurts.”

Sarah thinks PayPal is already dead. She may have a point:

“For financial services to say “we will take your money at random, with no appeal” is like a restaurant saying “We will randomly poison you because we feel like it.” There is no coming back from that. They’re doomed.”

As for me, I’m too busy hunting gamebirds to get too worked up. Did I freak out? Nope. Did I cancel my PayPal account? Not yet, but I will eventually. Everyone is diligently looking for alternatives. I’ll wait and see what winner rises out of PayPal’s ashes. When I setup an account with whomever it is, I’ll post a link. I’ll either delete PayPal or leave it live but forever keep the account nearly empty. In the meantime, you can always send me tons and tons of cash ‘cause I’m so awesome!

Incidentally, adapting to woke assholes ought to be second nature now. It’s why my blog started on WordPress but it isn’t there now. (If you’re still on WordPress or Blogspot… fix that right now!) YouTube acts like tyrants so I never posted a YouTube video. I’m not on Twitter because very little intelligence ever got posted to Twitter. F***book grossed me out so much I quickly abandoned the idea. I don’t have my balls in PayPal’s vice because putting your balls in anyone’s vice is a dumb thing to do.


Note: Nobody else has gone there so I will…

While everyone’s bailing on PayPal it’s a good time to mention a fundamental flaw in the 500 pound showman gorilla in the room. The dumbest most boomerific failure the Orange Menace ever did was to whine about Twitter. Men do not whine. Men do not beg. Men adapt! Cheeto Jesus should have bailed on Twitter the exact hour they went full retard and banned him. Something about Trump, he has internal limits to his thinking about things like Twitter and Fauchi; he simply couldn’t see how badly he was being mis-treated. I’m not sure why.

He should have called a press event and handled it like this:

“As the human embodiment of all that terrifies the left I was banned from Twitter eleven minutes ago. Losers! All future press releases starting immediately will go out on this specific alternate venue which I own and host. I shall call it OrangeVerse and it’ll be yuge! I will also broadcast daily in 14 languages using a six bazillion megawatt shortwave radio station. I built the antenna, which is also yuge, on a floating platform. It’s located just beyond international waters off the shore of Delaware. I call it Radio Free Orange and my technicians say I’m using so much power that it will be picked up and audibly vibrate on barbed wire fences in Malaysia. Nothing can stop it! As for Twitter, they’re bad, very very dumb… and I’m going to crush them like grapes to make grape soda (I don’t drink you know). Also I’m writing 95 policy statements. I wrote them in crayon while I was flying in my big gold jet. I will personally nail the statements to Nancy Pelosi’s front door. Someone told me a German dude did that in 1517 and it really riled people up. I may be a rich blowhard but part of being a blowhard is never having to bend over for a social media platform. Twitter can suck my gigantic orange balls.”

See how easy that is? I’m a minor self-financed blogging nobody. Yet I have options that Captain Trumpster failed to seize for himself. I fear no clamping vice because I’m not in one. If a billionaire can’t figure it out that’s a big hole in his perception.


Don’t get me wrong, I love tips… the side income it really does help. But PayPal is replaceable. They can’t call the shots on my blog. I’ll write whatever I want. I like saying true things in a time of universal deceit. I like it when people enjoy my stories. If I ever feel chained by some “misinformation” rule set by a green haired mutant in a woke company, I’ll pull the plug on this blog myself. I’ll staple mimeographs of the squirrel stories to a telephone pole if I have to.

That’s one way to know your personal degree of freedom. Do you have the self-reliance and self-confidence to set your own rules and live accordingly? That’s why I didn’t fret about PayPal. There’s no need. I drained the account and kept on truckin’. They lost a big piece of their business model and I bought $50 in camping gear. They lose, I win.

Anyway, I don’t need to flee PayPal in terror, just saunter away. I’ll use it while they wither. I’ll find alternatives on my own schedule. I’ll ignore them when they die. Even Elon Musk is planning to move to Mars.

A.C.

P.S. No matter what, you should always feel free to send me tons of tips through any link on my site. I’ll pry that shit out of whatever corporate deebs circle such things and spend it righteously. It’ll either pay hosting fees or go towards fun stuff like bourbon, ammo, HAM radios, and motorcycle gas!

P.S. Some amusing links: F**k PayPal.

About AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Adaptive Curmudgeon is handsome, brave, and wise.
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5 Responses to My Obligatory Post About How PayPal Just Shit Its Pants

  1. B says:

    Unlink your bank account. They were planning to take it from you account should your PayPal account be empty. You can be sure they will try again.

  2. Max Damage says:

    You know, a truly evil person, perhaps the kind of person who worked in IT in a cubicle while the sun was shining just outside and ate ramen noodles at his desk because there was a chat open while he was doing customer support and you’re being measured in how quickly you respond while the other person evidently left for a vacation in Tahiti because it’s been an hour and they’ve not responded… Sorry, where was I? Oh, yeah. A truly evil person might start several new Paypal accounts but not tie them to anything like a debit card, perhaps a credit card where you by law have consumer protections, and force them to spend the disk space and processing power to calculate your zero balance each evening. A customer with no transactions they can grift off of is the most expensive customer a bank, or PayPal, can have.

  3. fritz says:

    Follow the money.

  4. jrg says:

    Corporations like that are doing stupid stuff and shooting themselves in the foot. I’ve never had any kind of payment service set up, worrying about the mouse trap snapping. At least they revealed themselves for who they are. $2500 discretionary penalty at THEIR whim … good luck with that. Stupid should hurt.

    I was informed by text message that my pay-as-you-go AT&T phone plan has decided to more than triple the minute rate (from 10 cents to 35 cents a minute) cost as of today. I’ve been a loyal customer for over 14 years, even purchasing my current flip-phone from AT&T directly when I could have easily saved my self 10 bucks purchasing same unit at Wal-Mart.

    Probably going to bail on these guys. Triple the cost with very likely no improvements – why would I do that to myself ? Just a phone plan and nope, not wanting to get a smart phone and plan which will cost $400 a year. Not when I’m currently paying $100 for same time frame. A pox on AT&T.

  5. Differ says:

    I had an account for some transactions to do with my kids’ college. I decided yesterday to ensure it was unlinked from any financial instrument from which they could extract funds on a whim. I had planned to add a temporary source like a preloaded debit card…..the site wouldn’t let me remove the existing credit card, because reasons….so I nuked the entire thing.
    Trust, like honor, is not easily restored, if ever.

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