“Hello everyone. My name is Curmudgeon.”
“Hi Curmudgeon.”
“I guess I’m here because what has happened in America, and throughout what was once called ‘western society’, since March 13th, 2020 is literally torture.”
“Dude, that’s kinda’ dark.”
“Tough shit. It’s true. And when I say literally I fuckin’ mean ‘literally‘. Don’t pull a Millennial and think I mean ‘figuratively‘.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“Bullshit. There’s a spectrum between ‘hassled by Karen’ and ‘shot by the Stasi’. Just because I’m not in a North Korean prison doesn’t mean I’m not getting hammered. We all are. Torture is cumulative and small things add up. What is hardly noticeable over hours or days can break you over months or years.”
“This is a support group. How is any of this supportive?”
“I brought a whoopie cushion.”
“What? That’s not what…”
BRAAAAAAAP!
“Ok that’s funny.”
“I feel better. Do you?”
“Actually, yes.”
“My work here is done.”
OK, so that’s a weird introduction, but y’all know me. I think six miles outside the shredded remnants of what once was a box. More to the point, I’m pretty fuckin’ tired of the bullshit from 2020’s shitstorm and the even more annoying continuing disaster that is 2021. It’s driving me nuts and it’s pissing me off.
Which is exactly the point.
I’m not alone. You feel it too. It was done on purpose. It’s working. So long as it’s working, it will continue.
Which brings up the question, what do you do at the darkest time? Light a candle dumbass. That’s what you do. You create any tiny bit of refuge you can. First for yourself and then for others. About a month ago I discussed just that… I started with the need to create and how we’re surrounded (and “led”) by people who can only tear down. Then I explained that I chose to write satire rather than a personal project with my welder because it’s not just me that’s sick of the bullshit. Perhaps my efforts, no matter how small, might cheer up someone who needs it?
A bit pretentious of me isn’t it? Then again, all creation is doing something for which you can be ridiculed. When I made my own boat people stampeded to tell me it would sink. What’s wrong with people? I knew damn well how boats and water work. It was a risk I’d chosen to take. What good is in the hearts of men when they say such things? I ignored them and did my best. I love my little boat and the sucker floats like a duck!
Back on topic, the same bullshit that has gotten me down… and you… was affecting Joel at The Ultimate Answer To Kings. He mentioned in public (!) that he was not on board with the mask thing. Folks came out of the woodwork to hassle him. I presume these are the same sort that made sure to tell me my boat might sink. Those people aren’t helping. They wear us down. They slowly get to you. They’re human clouds searching for a parade upon which to rain.
Joel reflected on the negativity: “I wasn’t expecting that. It didn’t just surprise me, it depressed me.”
Which is exactly the point.
This is where the story goes in an unexpected direction.
“Happily, though, I happened to drop in on the Adaptive Curmudgeon, a little place on TUAK’s blogroll that I admit I don’t visit every day – and to my delight I found that he had resumed telling the tale of The Lesbian Activist Squirrels.
…that made it a perfect antidote for yesterday’s mood, and I spent most of the afternoon re-reading it. And now I feel much better.”
I wrote my story hoping someone somewhere would have a good day. It worked! Joel’s blog post was confirmation. I sure appreciate his reaction! It may be the best compliment I’ve ever gotten. It’s the whole point of everything! If I didn’t want to make people laugh I’d just tell the story to my puppy, or a tree stump.
There’s a second part. Joel’s post was titled “So you think I’m a bad man? No, I’m a pussycat. Let me introduce you…” To me? No shit! I never really thought about myself that way. I’m just a half assed homesteader who talks to trees.
I’m compelled to mock stuff because the world we’re in is… well it’s stupid. You can’t take stupid shit seriously. Why? Because it’s stupid shit!
Also, people who can’t laugh are dangerous assholes. I don’t trust anyone without a sense of humor. Each humorless dickhead is a powertrip ready to launch. They’re bullies and monsters looking for someone else’s fear to nourish their growth. There seem to be an exceptional crop of humorless wokescolds these days. Fortunately, they collapse like the hollow thing they are as soon as someone chuckles. Laughter is asshole Kryptonite.
I’ve been in the habit of laughing at PC crap so long I forget it’s an accomplishment. Thankfully, Joel noticed. I want his quote on my tombstone:
He was never…
ever…
EVER…
politically correct.
Of course, I already had plans for my tombstone:
The boat floated. Fuck you.
Anyway, it was great to have a dose of external validation! Please go to The Ultimate Answer to Kings and give it a read. It’s good stuff. Joel’s stories of the off grid desert life are excellent.
Great Post.. TUATK’s isn’t the only one who finds your posts (and your saga) uplifting…
I would comment on one thing above though;…. you stated:
“I’m compelled to mock stuff because the world we’re in is… well it’s stupid. You can’t take stupid shit seriously.”
-> I’d rephrase that slightly (though I know what you MEANT)…. the ‘world’ isn’t stupid, it’s full of remarkable critters and a myriad of conversationalist trees which (who?) function as the best sounding boards…. Not to mention physical phenomenon that can still awe the senses and spark the imagination of even the most stoic amongst us.
No… the World is patently awesome; but People routinely succeed at being arbitrarily STUPID.. and their bullshit doubly-so (as you point out in your opening paragraphs). I get that this is what you were implying, but I think it does the ‘world’ an injustice. The stupidity of which you speak has to do with Political Collectivist Leftarded types who worship government and routinely tout faith in ‘The Science’ while pant-shitting and hyperventiflaking about a virus which has a statistically well defined demographic of vulnerability (which doesn’t include school age children or young adults; but public teacher’s unions and college ‘academics’, especially in ‘Blue’ areas, like the status quo).
Good point! The world is sublime and beautiful. Great masses of people have chosen to be stupid despite the awesome world in which we live.
This is very similar to something I’ve had to tell myself over and over this year. Society, not the world, is stupid, ugly, evil, corrosive, etc. The world is interesting. Try to get society out of your head so that you can focus on the world.
I have Joel’s post to thank for sending me here. I’ve been craving non-PC content, and your Lesbian Squirrels story satisfies that craving in spades. Thanks Mr. Curmudgeon!
I’m not a great wordsmith (and I’m retarded), so I’ve not mentioned, enough, how much this older curmudgeon looks forward to your writings. Thanks for spreading truth, light and humor, that shit’s going in your permanent record!
I love the squirrel posts and welcome the creativity you have put in!
I reread them over the weekend and now; thanks to you, my wife thinks I’m more crazy for the laughing fits I went through. Please keep at it!
And never forget that the ones who criticize you have never created anything!
I’ve been enjoying it. And humor does help in dealing with life.
Keep writing!
Thanks.
PS: About your boat: That’s awesome.
Where did you learn how to build it? I’ve built a few desks and workbenches, but haven’t yet figured out how you’d create all those curved profiles.
I learned from the internet, good plans, and a shitload of muddling about in my shop. It’s harder being autodidactic than the more common method of being instructed but society isn’t bothering to teach, so you’ve got to go out there and seize the knowledge yourself.
I heartily recommend anyone who wants to build a boat should start… right now. Today! Trust me on this, building a boat was one of the best things I’ve done.
Here’s a quote about building boats I posted some years ago:
To put it another way, if a boat is on your bucket list (and for many men it is) you’re not getting any younger. Pick a simple, cheap, accessible design and start learning.
For sailing on lakes I recommend the simplest sailboat I could find. They’re called “Puddle Duck Racers” and they come in many variations on a simple concept. They’re much more fun and seaworthy than they look. They’re also cheap enough that if you screw it up it’s not the end of the world. You can also build as cheap or as expensive as you wish. (I went the more expensive route. For example buying a sail from Really Simple Sails rather than experimenting with Tyvek and tape was a wise choice for me. I like my sail. You might like saving a few hundred bucks. The little boats are good for either approach.)
If you have some skill you can get by with free Puddle Duck Racer plans on the internet. I mentioned PDR plan options here. However, that doesn’t sound like your situation. Nor was it my situation.
If you’re 100% clueless like me, I suggest buying plans for Michael Storer’s OZRacerRV. That’s what I built and it’s a great little craft. The plans are not merely blueprints but a small and very well written “book” on how to build it. Storer’s writing held my hand every step of the way! (He also answered a few emails… which is absolutely heroic customer service!) The plans are worth every penny. One note, Puddle Duck Racers and the OZRacerRV are 8′ long. That’s really small. Storer made an expanded 12′ version called the OZ Goose. I’ve sailed my 8′ OZRacerRV next to a nearly identically shaped 12′ OZ Goose and the 12′ version is vastly superior. It’s not a lot more labor and identical skills. If I were starting all over again I’d go for the 12′ craft.
There are photos of my boat here. I mention some sailing stuff in my Walkabouts page.
I will also extend a special invitation to you. If you want to make a boat (or are trying to work yourself up to the task) feel free to e-mail me directly. I learned a lot of things during my build and may be uniquely suited to help a complete novice. For example, I can help you get over worries about plywood as a boat material. I’ll also share the almost impossibly utility of epoxy. I can probably save you many hours if you’re just starting. I’d be more than happy to provide all the information and advice you could want. This offer extends to whatever craft appeals to you; sailboats, rowboats, canoes, kayaks, motorboats, and if you think you can build a battleship, that too.
By the way; in case you think I’m full of shit, I mean it. Boatbuilding is so fun I can’t believe they haven’t outlawed it yet. I’m considering another boatbuilding project this summer. I want to relive the fun!
Couldnt agree more. Just go for it, you’ll have a ball. I have never built a boat that floats but I did build a childs bed/pirate boat once a few years ago. it even had a canon that shot smoke rings. Was one of the most rewarding projects ever.
Go for it, just dont prove how mad a rocket scientist you re and try to make it fly. Although, think of the possibilities………
“The boat floated. Fuck you.”
About as sweet an epitaph to life as I can imagine.
Fair skies and following winds to you!
Thanks. I’m thinking of building a second boat this year. It’ll float too!
On the ‘stupid’ part…
I have my EMS theory- most people are Evil, Mean, or Stupid, not necessarily in that order. The stupid you see everywhere, & when confronted, quickly escalate to mean, & when those fail- bam!- right to evil.
It everywhere; I first noted it in political comments, but the more I observe, the more I find it pervasive in ‘society’.
Your mileage may vary…