[Warning, this post has generalizations that will piss off several outdoor recreation interest groups. If you’re triggered or think I paint with too broad of a brush… drink a beer and count to ten before commenting that I’m an insensitive jerk. It’s just a story on an irrelevant blog and nothing more. Nor am I required to write into each post a group hug for all of humanity. If my crude stereotypes chafe, accept my apologies. Rest assured we’d probably get along swimmingly in real life… even if you own a jet ski.]
After a lifetime of canoeing and countless glorious jaunts into the Canadian wilderness, things collapsed. I’d settled on a delightful routine of backcountry trips using a two-man canoe. Tragically, there came the year my canoe partner was physically unable to join me. I get it. Nothing lasts forever. That same year I broke an arm. Suddenly asymmetrical canoe paddling seemed like an ergonomic disaster.
Later, I discovered our trusty old (but restored) 2-man canoe was unmanageable for solo use. I spent endless days/weeks/months/years(!) fretting over a “new way”. I experimented with a kayak. Kayaks are cool but it wasn’t right for me.
I could have gotten a different, smaller, canoe but by then I wanted a new approach and the associated new point of view. Life is change. It was high time the man who’d eagerly paddled swamp, river, and lake since he was a Boy Scout left his comfort zone.
I settled on a sail over a motor, small over big, and simple over elaborate. Also I wanted to camp on land rather than sleep in a boat. My choices seemed reasonable (and ideally suited to my situation, budget, and personality) but they put me at odds with nearly every watercraft niche.
I should be used to it by now. I was already an odd duck. My ideas pushed me further out.
Kayaks (for no discernible reason) seem largely the domain of vegan cat ladies who carry them around on Subarus adorned with left wing bumper stickers. Most of them only paddle on sunny weekends. Invariably they paddle in groups. I suspect chardonnay may be involved? Not my scene. (Doubt my assessment of kayaks in America in 2019? Fine. Send me a photo of a burly man solo kayaking a moose quarter through a swamp and I’ll recant.)
Meanwhile Bubba fishermen seem to hold the opinion that nothing shy of 90 HP on a fully outfitted payment plan (bass boat) is sufficient for three hours fishing. They think it insanely weird I’d carefully avoid anything with a motor. (For them, the motor is part of the fun. I’m sick of motors on seasonal stuff. Keeping my motorcycle and snowblower running are dual opposed seasonal hassles and I’d like to keep overhead like that contained. Perhaps there’s a motor in my future but for the moment I’ve settled on oars.)
What shocked me most were the sailboat people. To my naïve surprise, they did not greet me with open arms. My small boat/camping ideas were heretical. Popular opinion insisted I needed a bright white, deep keel, 20′ (or larger!) fiberglass racing wonder. Also, only fools sleep on dirt and a monthly slip rental at a lakeshore resort was a wise investment.
When I abandoned my canoe, I’d stepped into a tug of war between warring markets. Motorboats and sailboats: both sides hate the other. Though they’d claim otherwise, I get the vibe that kayak women hate everyone more macho than a birdwatcher regardless of their craft.
I’d stepped in it! I’d hitherto ignored competing interests on the water. Since I was practically born with a canoe paddle in hand, have my own canoe, and don’t talk to anyone, I’d no idea of the Tribal animosities.
My questions about camping confused people. Only a tiny minority has the slightest interest in carrying a tent and sleeping bag. That group seems to be mostly canoe people; the very tribe I was leaving. For decades that’s what my gig was all about but I don’t see why it has to be limited to canoes? You can carry a (small!) tent in a kayak, or anything you want on a bass boat or a big sailboat… but almost nobody does. Occasionally a kayaker can be found camping (though limited to minimalist ultralight gear). It’s not common. I suspect deep keel sailboats are a bitch to put to shore so they strongly prefer stopping at docks. Motorboats (especially small flat-bottomed skiffs) could surely pull up on shores and sandbars anytime they want, but virtually without exception they come home to roost at night. Invariably, the few shore campers are outnumbered by orders of magnitude by rented houseboats and sailboats with berths. A special shout out to duck hunters who quietly go about their business at the crack of dawn (which is far too early for me). They’ve got plenty of gear (and moxie!) to camp but they appear more interested in retrievers than tents. They’d probably be great at camping but they seem to vanish without a trace by noon; like a stealthy army of anti-duck special forces operators.
Also, virtually nobody does anything solo.
I was on my own and looking for a new way. What to do?
You requested this ration of shit:
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/51b4d191e4b0b6f800407c7a/51fd52c3e4b01cbb93221a70/524d64aee4b05018590cccec/1431873212217/Brad+Moose+2013+%281%29.jpg
Great googly moogly! You found the picture!
Is this someone you know? Is it OK to post it on my blog?
I can’t believe you found a moose quarter on a kayak! I’m amazed! I withdraw my opinion that kayaks are mostly ladies on the weekend who are paddling around on the way to a scented candle store. You win!
Robert Sorrells:
That’s not a kayak, it’s a small barge! And appears to be motorized. What, pray tell, is it?
I may have won, but your snark has escaped intact I see, and still tests out as weapons grade.
I have no idea who this fellow other than the result of a google image search to mess with you. And, to be fair, this seems to be some unholy hybrid of a kayak and a jet ski called a “mokai” (note the suspiciously stowed paddle on the port side). Though, I’d argue that strapping a jet engine to a kayak is sufficiently manly to cause all oak rounds in a 500 yard radius to instantly split.
I have no way of posting it short of emailing it to you and i seem to be unqualified at finding an email address on your site so you’ll have to take my word for this.
Just last week I was in Alaska with my wife on a sort of honey moon cruise (shhh don’t tell your other readers I wasn’t doing manly things!) We were 75 miles by Google Earth from the nearest town (Gustavas) looking at a glacier from the comfort of our ship ( and the warmth of an Old Fashioned). When along the starboard side comes this person in a Kayak – sans Moose quarter. Just one person paddling along in 45 degree weather and 35-ish(?) degree water. I could hear John Wayne smiling down on him.
The photo I took from my cell really shows the size of the glacier in the distance, the kayaker is just a dot in the picture.
Now, on to catching up on your adventures.
Try e-mailing it to ac@adaptivecurmudgeon.com
I simply had to put that photo on it’s own post. It’ll go live around 6/14/19. Nice image.
Dear Sir AC (if I may call you that). Why not consider a small drop keel single mast sailboat of they type used in training and river/lake regattas? We here on lake Michigan have the nice St Joseph River Yacht Club where young uns train how to sail and manage a boat. They do go out onto lake Michigan when the weather is not too severe and do pattern sailing between buoys, only to scoot back upriver if things get choppy. See if this link works for images the boat types in mind. http://sjjf.org/
Take a look at the 420 dinghy which I think could be manageable single handed with a reduced sail (not the bathtubs) 😉
The other alternative is a smaller canoe with outrigger in the Hawaiian style, I think you can get them in take down form now, and run that with a small sail.
It has been 49 years since I was last sailing competitively in small boats (Annapolis), so memory is a bit rusty, have not been looking for a new hobby, have too many as it is.
Drop keel makes sense. One of the dead boats in my yard has a drop keel and it seems quite handy… thought the boat’s still on the disabled list. In the end I build a boat with a “daggerboard” that I can pull up in shallows. It’s not perfect but darned good for my pathetic boatbuilding skills. I also have a pull up rudder but not a “pivot up” rudder. I think I may build a pivoting one next winter.
Please tell me you got a Grumman Sport Boat. And some Eagle Rare.
I did drink a bottle of Eagle Rare but no Grummans for me.
“solo kayaking a moose quarter”
Too hard to jam the meat through those tiny hatches.
My vision of you wearing a spray skirt is like a grizzly wearing a tutu: possible, but unlikely.
Precisely; it could happen but other shit is vastly more my style. I did dabble a bit in kayaks… I was kayak-curious… but never anything with a spray skirt. Plus, in my kayak I’ve got “cargo room” but only for ultralight small backpacking stuff… and I’m in a mood for bug heavy camping gear for a few years.
I’ve got a buddy who camps from a sea eagle inflatable kayak with a hammock and a tarp.
I’ve used it to move scuba gear and another person, so that model, a 330 I think, could work for what you want.
They call it a kayak, but I feel it is closer to a small canoe.