Duping Delight

Experts can tell a person is lying based solely on observation. They use a package of skills; including careful observation of tiny variations in facial expression. It’s said they’re excellent at detection of deceit.

It’s not a skill I posses. I’m not sure you posses it either. You may think you do, but statistically you’re as clueless as the rest of us. Don’t feel bad. Humans are still based on the old monkey blueprint. Ironically, that includes a brain factory built with the ability to lie but less so the ability to detect falsehood. Note that a four year old will spin a yarn while their hand is still in the cookie jar, unlike your dog which will practically die of embarrassment at the thought of its misdeeds.

Probably you think you’re just as good at lie detection as the experts. But hear me out. Everyone thinks they’re a “better than average” driver. Yet, we know from experience that a huge portion of the driving public are drooling morons at the wheel. Obviously, many people who think they’re “good” drivers are actually shitty drivers with an inflated sense of their abilities. Similarly everyone thinks they’re “good at spotting liars” yet Americans are increasingly too chicken to buy a used car. Why? Because they’re afraid of being lied to. (Full report, I buy used cars all the time. I’m generally pleased with the results. I didn’t say I fall for lies, I just have to use rationality and verification as my tools. I can’t merely detect falsehood in the conman’s face.) At any rate, if you think you’re a pro at reading faces get thee to a poker game and test your theory.

I find the whole thing fascinating because it’s foreign. I suck at spotting facial expressions. (A good reason why I stay the hell away from poker tables!) To me, faces just don’t register. It feels like everyone is keyed into faces but it’s a language I don’t speak.

Taken to extremes, there’s a real thing called Prosopagnosia (i.e. face blindness). I don’t have that. I just don’t notice faces well. It’s likely I don’t notice faces because I focus on other things. I’m mystified when Mrs. Curmudgeon describes people. She’ll explain that a person has “high cheekbones” or a “long face” or a “ruddy complexion”… and by that time I’m dying of frustration. First of all, I don’t fuckin’ care what someone’s face looks like and second, no matter how carefully you describe the intricate details of their left eyebrow, it’s not going to help me remember the butcher’s name. Tell me about their personality and actions! “You know. It was the butcher, the one one drives a Ford, has a limp, practically worships the New England Patriots, and makes really good BBQ sauce.” “Oh yeah, that’s Fred!” (See what I mean, for all I care his face could be missing. I’m all about the BBQ sauce.)

To me, people’s heads are merely where the air and food holes are. When the food hole makes noise I’ll listen (briefly) to see if the words make sense and match the person’s behavior. Twitching cheek muscles don’t play a role for me. (There are exceptions to ignoring faces; if they’re hot and female. Even then my eyes usually drift down a bit… ’cause all men are pigs… and then I really have no idea about their face because I was looking at something more interesting.) So, to reiterate, a face detail had better be HUGE or I missed it. If you don’t have a pirate eye patch or a forehead tattoo, I’ve forgotten your face within seconds of meeting you.

I said all that to introduce the idea of Duping Delight. Experts say that one tell of a liar is a tiny brief smile after a deceitful statement. It goes like this:

Subconscious mind: “Ha ha ha… I totally told her I’d respect her in the morning and she believed it. I pulled a fast one!”

Face: [Recognizing joy, initiating smile]

Conscious mind: “Don’t smile you fool! We haven’t closed the deal yet. Stay frosty!”

Face: [Terminating smile, trying to look cool]

Trained expert in lie detection: “I saw that tiny smile. J’Accuse!”

I’ve seen photos and videos of Duping Delight but always figured it would be too subtle for me to pick up. Then I saw this:

What the fuck is that?

Seriously, what in God’s name created that expression? Is he possessed by the devil? Is someone under that table giving him a hand job? Or is it Duping Delight?

I couldn’t look that self-satisfied if I were sitting on a huge pile of gold and snorting cocaine off the skulls of my slain enemies. I don’t think I have enough muscles in my face to look that smug!

Yet there it is. As a guy who’s really bad at this, someone help me. Is it Duping Delight or is the guy just trying to scratch his ass without us noticing? Also, if it is Duping Delight, how can he possibly be employed in the intelligence community (and I use that term loosely)? It’s not merely obvious, it’s scary. I spent 500 words explaining that I don’t notice facial expressions but this video almost made me shit myself. If I was trying to buy a used car and the seller looked at me like that I’d never buy a vehicle again. I ride a horse before I’d part with money around a face like that!

So what’s the verdict? Did I just see Duping Delight of the super obvious Fischer Price level… or is he just a weird looking guy?

A.C.

P.S. I’m including a purported video of Duping Delight below. I’m not putting up Clinton to hammer politics but because this is the only video I can find where we’re 100% sure (DNA!) that this is a video of someone lying. Just because some dude smirks doesn’t mean he’s lying. In this case it’s a verified and known lie. From my point of view the Duping Delight smile is tiny. When it’s pointed out I see it but in conversation I’d miss it. By comparison Peter Strzok’s body language is like he jumped on the table and mooned the camera.

P.S. I’d like to thank Congress for (inadvertently) lining up weird faces for my edification. Another recent example is Mark Zuckerberg…who either has fifty botox treatments, autism(?), or was assembled in a robot factory. I have no way of telling, but it seems like Zuckerberg is definitely unusual. I’ll bet Zuckerberg would kick Strzok’s ass at poker!