The weekend was not kind to yours truly.
Last week I parked my truck, stepped out and… BOOM. Flat on my fucking back! There was a patch of ice about 3 feet long and 2 feet wide right where I’d parked. It was an inch thick, crystal-clear, and slick as snot. I had no warning whatsoever. I went down hard! For a millisecond every muscle from my big toe to my shoulder was stretched to exactly 101% of its proper length and then I landed like a sack of wet cement. I hurt everywhere. That said, I am fortunate. I picked up a few bruises, a zillion stretched muscles, and a crushed ego but nothing worse than that.
Two days later I was feeling much better; a regime of aspirin and sleep had done its magic. (I’ll admit that I probably whined all weekend to a long-suffering Mrs. Curmudgeon. What can I say? A true stud would “walk it off” and suffer in silence but I’m only human.)
I was happily getting some household chores done, standing on a ladder with a power drill in hand when… CRUNCH. The cheap aluminum ladder I was using just plain folded on itself! Not folded up mind you; I mean the side struts that bear weight suddenly flexed laterally and gave out. Luckily, I rolled with it. Me and the ladder and the drill all wound up going ass over teakettle. I came to a stop wrapped around the bent ladder about six feet from the starting point of our little adventure. It coulda’ been bad but I came up roses. No banged body parts or blood… just a brief moment of silence while I pondered a near miss. Also a few minutes of confusion while I looked for the drill that was flung halfway across the room.
I don’t even know where that ladder came from. Probably the Russians. (Like all rednecks I’ve got lots of tools, some good and some bad.) I’ve got a damn fine ladder stashed elsewhere. I should have been using that. This was my “auxiliary backup ladder” that was just hanging around. I only use it for small jobs. Well, not anymore. I use it for no jobs. It’s bent and useless, not that I’d ever trust it again even if I fixed it.
It has tried to kill me. It failed. I must destroy it for its insolence. It’s already in the back of the truck; awaiting a trip to the dump. I hope it gets crushed or recycled or buried or whatever toot sweet because I don’t want some hick fishing it out of the trash and taking it home. The damn thing is dangerous. It has a taste for blood too. I should bury it and salt the earth above it’s grave.
Having taken a huge beating on a parking lot and narrowly missed an even worse situation a few days later I was on pins and needles for whatever came next. An asteroid strike perhaps?
Instead nothing so epic. A small but annoying head cold came out of nowhere and stuffed me up. One of those “not a lot of pain but forget about breathing” situations. I’m still limping a bit and running on fumes from lack of sleep. (Sleep? What’s sleep to a person who’s busy trying to breathe!)
Fuckin’ spring. It’s gonna’ kill me for sure.
For the ladder, don’t you have a neighbor that you’d like to “loan” it to? Fix it up and give it to him or her, realizing you’d never get it back anyway.
And you are witnessing the true power of Abba. Mary and Terry won’t tolerate much more from you, so you probably had better get your affairs in order while you still can. Your wife does have a large life insurance policy on you, hopefully?
}:-]
I just put a new ceiling in my workshop. I was idly thinking of painting some sort of AMC Gremlin / Sistine Chapel’s Creation of Adam on the available space. After falling off the ladder I decided the ceiling will be painted by a roller on a stick!
Things always happen in “threes”. When I was skydiving if one person had a reserve ride, two more were going to happen pretty quick. Then things settled down for a while. Seems like you got yours out of the way so enjoy the down time (hehe hehehe /Bevis) and kick spring’s arse.
Gravity sucks. Just another example of how nature is trying to kill us. Always.
Yup, Gravity is still working as the maker and Albert intended. We FINALLY had a day with upper 50’s, started cleaning and organizing the shop and garage, cut the steel for a trailer, tomorrow re-adjust the garage door springs etc. Been waiting for this day since last September 😉
I did a lot of work on my shop trying to make it useful in winter. Basically wasted all winter trying to get “adapted for it”. Only partially successful. At 50 degrees it’s cozy with my lovely little wood stove but at -10 it’s still pointless.
I have a paint project on hold due to that. I dug out my paint sprayer, bought a 5 gallon bucket of paint, and then realized that the paint might not dry. What happens if you paint in a garage heated to 60 and then it chills to 15 degrees overnight? I don’t want to risk it so I’m still waiting.
Aluminum ladder? Cut it up into manageable pieces and start a new hobby with your newly-acquired feedstock: forging.
I took it to the dump and hurled it to oblivion. Damn thing was laying in wait. I just knew I’d use it again “when I was in a hurry”. Best to remove the temptation. A forge would be awesome but I wanted it dead fast.
Inquiring minds want to know:
Was the accompanying sound track to the ice incident of the ‘rapid fire bongo drums while arms and feet flailed’ or the ‘rising slide whistle/cymbal crash’ variety?
Definitely cymbal crash… with the sound of drill, screws, and a ladder all getting tossed about in a big noisy pile.
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