My last post explained that percolators are awesome because of mind control. Since a few people asked; I’m going to post more info.
It started last summer when there was a power outage. I used this opportunity to discuss my perfectly adequate grid down coffee making plan and Mrs. Curmudgeon’s entirely successful and more feminine solution (i.e. abandon the house and drive to Starbucks).
Since then we’ve had a few more outages but neither my preferred solution (a simple small generator) nor Mrs. Curmudgeon’s preferred solution (a more elaborate large generator) has come to fruition. Apparently, we’re sticking with the tried and true American plan; doing nothing until the shit hits the fan. (I’m not worried. A generator is more a luxury than essential. Curmudgeon Compound has enough firewood, bacon, whiskey, and ammo to withstand things that would destroy the average coastal city. When the time comes we’ll stay warm and eat bacon while getting drunk and shooting zombies. Who could ask for more?)
In November I mentioned a percolator would add “atmosphere” to my workshop. It has a cookstove I’ve named Betsy. It’s (maybe) from 1939 and is one of the many reasons why we don’t necessarily need a generator. I discussed Betsy here: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.
This is an old photo. Betsy now has a vastly improved chimney and freshly painted walls. A man and his cookstove; it’s a beautiful thing.
Mrs. Curmudgeon, who is awesome, presented me with a very pretty blue enameled metal percolator for Christmas. I was delighted. Here it is:
Isn’t that pretty?
Note that I used a propane burner for the heat source. (It would look perfect with Betsy but it’s too damn cold to be in my workshop right now!)
She even included a set of four groovy metal cups. For those of you not in the know, metal cups get hot. Pay attention when you drink or you’ll burn your face off. This is the price you pay for having a sexy lookin’, old-school, cup of Joe.
Metal isn’t ideal for hot liquids but looks awesome.
In fact, Mrs. Curmudgeon graced me with all sorts of coffee accessories from Death Wish Coffee.
When you start buying stuff from “Death Wish” it’s addictive.
Of note, the Aladdin thermos has a “Death Wish” coffee badge on it. That makes it better. I don’t know why, it just does.
The “Death Wish” spoon is hers and I’ve been informed I’d better not lose it. (If you want a coffee scooping spoon that’s hefty enough to beat someone savagely…. this is the appropriate choice.)
I’m not sure if the grinder came from Death Wish but it comes with two “jars” for the base and works great.
Even if power goes down forever, I’m still not resorting to Folgers.
Unfortunately, the pot (not from Death Wish) leaked. That’s right, it leaked on day one! I was terribly disappointed. This is one of those situations where a product looks cool but due to quality control failure during manufacture it should be filled with Tannerite and taken to the range for proper disposal.
Returning Mrs. Curmudgeon’s Christmas purchases is one of those ‘aint gonna happen situations. If I buy a pot that leaks I’ll turn it into a lifelong battle with the company that sold it but Mrs. Curmudgeon is more… sane.
I toyed with solutions to patch it. I have an appropriately sized welding kit but I’m something of a chimp with a stick welder. I’m more likely to burn the pot in half than patch it. Plus who knows what evils I’d introduce into a food grade pot with the flux? I considered JB Weld. It might hold but I have my doubts about food safety. I assume JB Weld is made of something that would make my liver explode. Dying of poisoning because I patched a coffee pot with a substance meant for automotive engines seems like a stupid way to go.
In desperation I resorted to the ultimate last case scenario; I spent money. Shocking!
I was several hundred miles from home when, on a whim, I swooped into a trendy inner city dead zone for what my GPS assured me was an sporting goods supply place with the word “surplus” in the title. I was disappointed to find it was one of those trendy boutiques that sell $200 jackets and pretends they’re “military surplus”.
“I think I’m in the wrong place.” I muttered to the blue haired, barely employable, hipster running the store. “I want a coffee percolator.”
The dude at the counter waved vaguely toward the back of the store. It was a pretty empty store. I’ve got more “surplus” shit in my garage than their entire stock. But… could it be? Yes, a single coffee pot. One. Not two. Not a row of them. One.
Shiny!
It was expensive but exactly what I needed. I planned on buying another blue enameled pot but this one was stainless steel. A bit too classy for Betsy and me. Then again it’ll likely outlive both of us.
Also, I had the choice of paying for stainless steel or buggering off. Time was of the essence. My truck was partially blocking the tiny city street, I had shit to do, and the weather was going downhill. The hipster looked mentally glazed over.
“Drop $5 off the price?” I offered.
He nodded. I handed over cash. He didn’t charge tax. For all I know he didn’t work there.
I was in the store less than three minutes. Elapsed time (counting dropping off the highway and getting back on) was ten minutes. Is that not a miracle?
No shit! It was like a Twilight Zone: “Submitted for your approval, a redneck wants a coffee pot. Will he pay $10 more than he plans? Or will he spend six hours chasing his ass in a Gander Mountain trying to buy the same Chinese made leaky piece of shit he already has because he likes the color blue? How far has the American consumer fallen? Let’s watch and see.”
I’m still wondering if I can weld the first one (I can’t see any drawbacks to having a “backup” percolator”) but have no regrets over the new stainless steel replacement. The pot works perfectly. I’ve tested it several times.
The only drawback is that I’ve discovered I’m a victim of Maxwell House mental programming. I’ve always had it in my head, but now I know it.
A.C.
P.S. While filters are optional, Mrs. Curmudgeon gave me a pack of paper filters with the Christmas stuff. They work great. Nearly all the coffee I’ve had from percolators had grounds floating in the cup but I’m not experiencing that when I use filters. They’re cheap. I heartily recommend simple paper filters for the percolator that Maxwell House programmed you to desperately need. (Admit it, you want a percolator now.)
It’s also worth looking at cold-brewed coffee, which is pretty much just soaking the grounds in water for 24hrs. Works pretty well, just put some of the result in a cup and add boiling water for an instant hot cup. Also, if you’ve got coffee that’s very bitter, the bitterness doesn’t seem to transfer over when you cold brew it.
Cold brew is delicious but I know I’d leave it in the fridge until it started evolving. I don’t do well with fridges. You’re right that it’s perfect for grid down though.
Sounds like Mrs. Crumudgeon is a keeper
She certainly is!
We’ve got a K-Cup, French Press (large- 4 cup), French Press (small – one cup), Farberware 4 cup stainless corded, and a Farberware cordless (the cord is in the powered base that the pot sits on) and a Camping sits on the fire 10 cup pot (just in case the only thing to heat with is fire) for our coffee. Oh yeah, and our preferred brand is Maxwell House Coffee, good to the last drop. [No, we are not brainwashed by 60’s commercials Baby Boomers, thank you very much] I also know the Chock Full of Nutz commercial and can sing that one too although the neighborhood cats get upset when I start singing.
Rich in NC
You win on the k-cup front. Dr. Mingo and I are working on a unified field theory based on k-cups.
Curmudgeon Compound seems to have a thing for grinders. We sensibly have a manual grinder (in case of grind down) which sensibly gets used almost never. Mrs. Curmudgeon has a small electric grinder she uses. I have a huge commercial sized electric grinder that I bought from a failing restaurant. Why we can’t share a grinder is one of those mysteries of life that I dare not ponder too deeply.
I once had a roommate who was always using a Chock Full of Nuts can as an ashtray. Now it’s burned into my mind as “Chock Full Of Buts”. (We thought it a clever pun… but were probably drunk.)
So … you aren’t planning on doing without coffee, then?
Don’t even think such things!
Hoo, where to start. Own 3 percolators, two stainless US made from the 1950’s and one aluminum POS that went on a lot of camping travels around old blighty back when I was young and unattached, amazingly still water tight.
They are indeed the backups for when power vanishes, as is the wood burning insert in the fireplace. But, as I can tell, your wife and mine come from similar molds and so we also have a 7KW generator in the garage which gets wheeled out and plugged into a socket on the wall.
That is wired to a manual switch box indoors (it gets kinda cold here in MI) into the main panel so that the freezer, fridge and a few strategic lights will turn on and the TV and cable modem (for peace and tranquility). The down side is the generator tank only lasts about 7 hours before needing a refill, not unmanageable but I won’t make the leap to a whole house natural gas monster as we use this maybe once every 3 years or so.
As to welding, what is the failure mode of the leaking pot? Seam, spout or did you use it to kill a spider on the gravel?
Seam. It was “spot welded” by monkeys during manufacture.
I have a spot welder and am saving up for a TIG unit, upcoming retirement is driving me to get some of the tools now before funds tighten up a bit. if you ever head past SW Michigan with the percolator we can take a stab at repair. Silly for a low value item but I too dislike discarding items that can be repaired “someday”, which is the operative word around here according to my wife.
Thanks for the generous offer! I might just take you up on it.
I have no plans to hit SW Michigan any time soon but I do ramble around a bit so who knows what’ll happen. If I wind up somewhere appropriate I will hit a reply to this comment and perhaps we’ll meet up.
I see no reason why a coffee pot shouldn’t be stored for years, hauled for many miles, and eventually welded back together. Waste not, want not… or something.
When I backpacked, a percolator was considered a luxury. College years, I used to lead trips on spring break for students who were crazy enough to choose it over Florida or South Padre Island. Girls loved it for some crazy reason, which, in normal circumstances, would have been heaven, but when you’re lugging heavy ass packs in mountains, it suddenly makes your pack 30 pounds heavier. Seeing as how I wanted to keep my pack under 125 pounds, we scrapped the percolator and numerous other items. I get really cranky without coffee, so I had to devise something. It hit me like a bolt of lightning – I pulled out the trusty bandana I was wearing, rinsed out the boogers and filled it full of grounds. I tied it in a knot and threw it in the cooking pot of water and let it boil till the bag floated. I then pulled out the bandana, dumped the grounds and set it aside so I could try my concoction. It was the best damn cup of coffee I have ever had, snot and all. Lots of other hands moved toward the pot, but the growls must have scared them off. I just put the bandana in my pocket, and sucked on it later for an afternoon fix.
I have tried this at home, and I can get it close, but not perfect. It must have been those high altitude boogers after all.
For your grid-down Zombie apocalypse situations, bear in mind that an empty 9mm case (sanded sharp on the edge) punches a perfect sized hole in a paper towel to make into a perc-filter…ask me how I know! 😉
Nice!
That hand grinder looks awesome! Does Mrs. Curmudgeon recall where she got it from, or does it have any markings to identify it?
Love your posts, they always make me laugh.
Mrs. Curmudgeon sent me links to where all this shit came from (a few days after I posted of course). I’ll sort through it and post the links this week.
Excellent! Thank you 🙂
I aim to please.
Found the link. I’m not in a place with good wifi. I’ll post it tomorrow afternoon.