Category Archives: Chapter 5 – Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment

Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 19: Birth of a Supervillain

Billy sipped his beer and waited for the chaos to ebb. This was a time for patience; the weirder shit got, the shorter it would last. Billy made a quick mental census. The two extreme greeters Billy had shot had … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 18: One Less Ball For Mankind

Terry, completely unaware of Mary’s fate, was wreaking havoc on the cockpit. Flying from control to control, flipping switches at random, obscuring the pilot’s view of gauges, and eventually finding an opening in the co-pilot’s pantleg at the boot cuff. … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 17: 400’ Flying Knife Attack

Mary and Terry zoomed up the helicopter’s cable at the speed of squirrel. At the top Mary launched herself at the face of the winch operator. The operator had been handling tear gas cartridges and had a clear face shield … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 16: Goose Huntin’ With Chigger

Across the street, Chigger Johnson was thrashing through the brush. He had an illegal goose blind nestled between the highway and the train tracks in a six-acre strip of largely ignored brush. Chigger felt the easiest way to facilitate a … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 15: Bart Meets A Non-Racist

The afterglow of the world’s first Ursus Americana turbo wedgie didn’t last long. With immense ferocity, an explosion tore part of the roof from the building. Everyone scattered; except Billy. He stepped back two paces, planted his feet carefully, and … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 14: Fractional Reserve K-cups

Back at the convenience store Billy and Doogie high-fived. They had just witnessed history’s first interspecies turbo wedgie. It was amazing! Bart spit out the stretched remains of a pair of Joe Boxer underwear and grinned. His experiment with human-based … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 13: You Should Have Studied STEM

The Analyst briefed the Extreme Greeters while their chopper rocketed toward the scene. Listening thought their helmet mounted headsets, each greeter did their level best to listen; but it was no use. “So the scan of more K-cup sales than … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 12: These Are Not The K-cups You Are Looking For

Twitch clutched Billy’s box of K-cups like a drowning man might grasp a life preserver. His eyes were wide and he was stringing together irrelevant movie quotes. Billy was maneuvering slowly and confidently; a prizefighter preparing for a one punch … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 11: K-Cup Showdown

Billy and Doogie had just started mopping the floor when ECTO1 nearly plowed into the store. Achmed blinked in confusion. Doogie looked pensive. Billy beamed. Nothing says America like a private freelance ghost extermination team. “Who ya’ gonna’ call?” Billy … Continue reading

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Billy Deploys An Attitude Adjustment: Part 10: Bear Launch

Twitch’s arrival, like all of Twitch’s arrivals, was a whirlwind of chaos presaging the greater tragedy to come. If Twitch had been a skilled driver, his screeching, sliding, sirens-wailing near crash would be a manly ode to Dukes of Hazard … Continue reading

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