Go Team Freedom!

Posted on January 20, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

I’d previously noted that Americans bought a record number of guns in November.

Why did Americans buy so many guns?  Because we’re awesome, that’s why!

But wait!  There’s more!

Having bought a record number of guns in November, what did Americans do?  They bought more!

How much more were bought in December?  Another record!

“It was the highest number ever in a single month, surpassing the previous record set in November.”

“On Dec 23 alone there were 102,222 background checks, making it the second busiest single day for buying guns in history.”

Considering only the big days, that’s 129,000 the day after Thanksgiving (record!) and 102,000 the day before Christmas eve (runner up).  Just about a quarter million in two days alone.  Go team freedom!

It makes my Curmudgeonly heart swell with pride.  Free citizens voluntarily plunking down their own cash to legally arm themselves to the teeth.  I don’t care if it’s deer guns, plinkers, bird guns, cheap mil-surp, chromed cowboy wallhangers, pistols, rifles, shotguns, or even a metric ton of tiny derringers.  Any gun in the hands of a free citizen is a good one.  It’s good to do things that free citizens can do.  Rights must be recognized or they’re just words in a book.

Of course it’s all voluntary; whiny people who dislike (or are terrified of) guns can choose to sit this one out (maybe buy an iPad of some shit?).  Anyone can stay home from the party but gun buyers are having the party with or without them.

It’s just icing on the cake that it makes hippies, socialists, busybodies, and other cretins exceedingly nervous.  People who boss others around should be nervous…always.

Speaking of socialist yahoos, I picked up this piece of news from the Telegraph, a paper out of the UK.  I’m not sure if the US media buried the story or I missed it because I live under a rock.  Either way the Telegraph reflexively ran through the usual playbook of media bias.  There was the usual hand wringing that this was all a symptom of what fearful unwashed redneck jackoffs do when they’re not “clinging” to religion.  (They phrased it slightly differently.)

I’m also highly amused by the Brady Campaign which did it’s best Baghdad Bob impression:

“But anti-gun campaigners said those who already owned weapons were simply hoarding more of them due to ‘fear-mongering’ by the NRA.

A spokeswoman for the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence said: ‘The research we’ve seen indicates fewer and fewer people are owning more and more guns.'”

Got that?  Two record months, a quarter million in two particularly lively days, and that means “fewer and fewer people are owning guns“.  Isn’t that precious?  Isn’t that sweet?  Sales in the millions and that means fewer owners.

I live in reality and more guns means more gun owners (and more support for gun rights).  All of this came about because of citizens using actual cash and acting of their own volition.  Lets see the Chevy Volt match that performance!

Huzzah!

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Qualifications

Posted on January 19, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Rhymes with Cars & Girls has todays flash of brilliance:

“The Smart People are about to pillory Mitt Romney for having worked for a sort of firm the existence of which they suddenly decided a few days ago was a national crisis. This clearly makes him an unacceptable choice to be the President, especially as against Barack Obama, who came to the office pure and untainted, having done essentially no tangible work in his life whatsoever.”

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Spam Muse

Posted on January 18, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

I know you’ll be shocked to hear this, but blogs get spam.  This isn’t a big deal.  My spam filters are set at “shoot first and ask questions later“, my computer’s settings are on “nuke it from orbit“, and everything else is set on “vaporize“.  I don’t mind if it hoses stuff.  I’m willing to let an occasional legitimate message become “collateral damage“.  (Side note: if you tried to comment and never saw it…now you know why.)

Spam software gibberish is sometimes good enough to confuse my filters.  They’ll surround it with armed guards and throw it into the dungeon where I ignore it forever.  Then, on a whim I’ll instruct the filters to bring me the prisoner (in shackles) so I can determine if it’s fit to live.  (Actually I just delete everything in the quarantine…why not?)

A few are almost as intelligible as a politicians and since it’s a computer trying to mimic thought they’re just as cute as watching a politician trying to think.  Occasionally one gets a pardon.  It’s still spam but I like the way they sound.

Today I present pardoned spam comments:

  • Hrm, Not the best post unfortunately. Sorry to be so blunt! You should try some Norwegian carrot cake <redacted> to cheer you up instead.

Yes indeed.  Why should I not have cake from Norwegian carrots?  Sounds delicious!  This is surely a logical response to foaming at the mouth about  the Chevy Volt.

  • For over 100 years, this single garment has served as the most important vehicle for the public undressing of America.

This one is less intriguing than the carrot cake.  Everybody knows the important vehicle for undressing in America is liquor…especially if it’s made of Norwegian carrots.

You may now seek intelligent discourse elsewhere on the internet.  I’ll go back to talking to the spam.

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Word For The Day: Welfare Hours

Posted on January 17, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Welfare Hours – noun: The hours of the week which were historically associated with work.  Generally between 9 am and 5 pm Monday through Friday.

Usage: “After work I stopped at the Hicksville general store for a chicken feeder and some work gloves but they were closed.  They’re only open ‘welfare hours’.  I guess I’ll never shop there again.”

Once upon a time most Americans worked.  They did this to get money which they used to buy stuff.  None of this process was particularly unusual.  Businesses interested in selling items to employed consumers had to be open additional hours to accommodate their hard working clientèle.  For example, staying open later at night or on Saturdays.  Businesses that didn’t open the extra hours were sneered at as operating on “Banker’s Hours”.

Times have changed.  I feel like the last guy on earth who does a “normal” 40 hour week.  In fact, the need for a “job” in this time of Obama magic has come under some scrutiny.  The majority might be made of retired folks, unemployed folks, students, and folks on welfare.  Working stiffs like me have become uncommon…and now we appear to have become irrelevant.

Stores in my rural area are steadily reducing their hours.  If you have a mundane “job” you’ll never be able to shop there.  Losers like me are screwed.  I find myself shopping more and more on the Internet just because stores other than Wal-Mart and Target are closed during any reasonable hour.

Stores seem to be doing fine marketing to the great multitude of people who are inexplicably free to shop at say 2:00 pm on a Tuesday.  Why worry about the last dinosaur who’s still foolish enough to draw a paycheck?

Not that I’m bitter…

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Culinary Report

Posted on January 16, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

In an unusual turn of events we had time for a leisurely weekend breakfast.  How refreshing.  It was simple, passed the grandma test, and was delicious:

Farm fresh eggs; all you could possibly want.  Toast made from my delightfully crude bread.  (Made from flour we ground ourselves.)  Homemade jelly.  (Acquired by barter.)  Bacon from a pig I personally knew.  (Food is better if you knew it by name.)  Coffee from fresh ground beans (pre-ground coffee has been banned from Curmudgeon Compound since 1950).

Nothing fancy but everything delicious.

It was also Bert Gummer approved.  Short supply line and all that.  The only “corporate” components were coffee beans and butter.  Every bunker should be outfitted to make a good wholesome breakfast before one must face the upcoming zombie apocalypse, volcanic eruption, natural disaster, or election cycle.  (Or in my case, cleaning the chimney.)

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Han Shot First

Posted on January 15, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Walls of the City has set me straight.  I was aware that Han shot first.

Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid.

But now I’m aware of this:

“So Han’s walking down the halls of Bespin with his old friend Lando. Leia’s there, and lookin’ good. Han thinks he’s off to dinner – maybe some wine, a little flirting, and then back to the ol’ guest quarters with Her Hotness.

But the door opens, and there’s Darth Vader.

Han doesn’t look incredulously at Lando; he doesn’t duck or run away.

What does Han do?

He starts shooting at the motherfucker.**

Be like Han.”

With genuine video proof!

**Note: The guy I quoted used quasi-pc language.  I don’t do that $hit and changed the f**king language back.

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To Be Overqualified You Must First Be Competent

Posted on January 14, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

Ace of Spades had a link to Why Working at Starbucks for Three Weeks Was the Toughest Job I’ve Ever Had.  Now before I go off on a tear I’ve got to give the author her due.  She starts with:

“I had recently moved to New York City, and I was freelancing at the time. But I had to get a part-time job in order to pay next month’s rent.”

Her solution was a short term stint at Starbucks.  Now that’s just heartwarming.  Working to make money to support yourself.  Adaptive, noble, and practical.  Well done!

Unfortunately it went downhill from there.  Apparently this hothouse flower of an individual was shocked to find out that work is…work.

“…there simply wasn’t the space or environment to train properly. It was always chaotic, with several people on the floor, calling orders, shifting from station to station, and asking you to get out of the way. Not to mention 10 customers waiting at the end of the bar for their drinks.”

No. Shit. Sherlock.

Life is like that.  Those of us who’ve lived in the real world don’t expect that a job slinging coffee will be taught by a zen master in a peaceful garden.  Learn as you go and try not to get in the way of people who know what they’re doing.  In all entry level jobs this is how it’s done.  If it cannot be learned in this way it is (for example, you’re working with high voltage or something) then, by definition, it’s not entry level.   Duh!

But hey, bitching about a job is as American as apple pie.  I was willing to roll with it.  Then came the part that stuck in my craw.  Seems that the author was a bit of a novice in the coffee slinging technologies and wished for a little leeway…fine.  But read how it was phrased:

“Just as I was tempted to remind my coworkers that they were new once, too, I wanted to tell customers that I was way over-qualified for this job, and hoped they’d see me on the street in normal clothes, not in khakis, a black T-shirt, bright-green apron and baseball cap.”

Let me zoom in on the important part.

“I was way over-qualified for this job”

Oh…no she didn’t!  I call bullshit on that snippy little bit of prose!

Ahem…is this bullhorn on?  Good.  Yeah, set the volume at eleven.  Here goes:

I don’t care if you’re the goddamn genius wonderkind cancer curing God-king of all you survey.  You are not “overqualified” at making coffee until you’re good… indeed excellent… at making coffee.  The mistaken idea that you are is either hubris or just plain stupidity.   Until you can snatch that pebble from the hand of the coffee slinging master…you are a novice.  A student.  A beginner.  A work in progress.  No human being is EVER rendered “overqualified” for a job which they can’t yet do well.  An overpriced degree doesn’t make you overqualified to serve coffee unless you got a PhD in serving fucking coffee.  Part of being a fully aware individual is understanding that.
 
A child might think that all jobs are a ladder with each rung higher than the other but an adult knows that the world is a bigger place than that.  Skills in one field (in this case writing for Business Insider) does not render a person “overqualified” in other fields (such as slinging coffee).  The pope is not overqualified to be a surgeon.  A surgeon is not overqualified to fix a transmission.  A mechanic is not overqualified to fix the plumbing.  And a writer who thinks they’re too good to learn the ropes slinging coffee is not overqualified…they are just snobbish and paternalistic.
 
I’ve had enough of this shit.  Just like the author I have a slew of credentials and specialized skills.  I might endeavor to be too expensive to be a coffee slinger but I would never claim to be above it.  And if the economy tanks sufficiently you’ll find me busting ass to be the best goddamn coffee slinger that there ever was.  If I claim I’m overqualified to sling coffee it’s because I can goddamn well do it and do it very well.  Right up to that magic moment of total mastery I’ll keep my mouth shut.  That’s a partial root of humility and it’s the cure to creeping self-indulgent ego inflating delusion that seems all too common during this; the restless crest of a wave of unearned self esteem.
Posted in Harangue-a-bang-bang! | Leave a comment

Midnight Battle With The Raccoon Of Doom

Posted on January 13, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

The world must know of the dangers posed by mutant unkillable raccoons.  Here’s a bit to whet your appetite:

“Looking back on the events of the evening, this is probably the point when I should have realized that things might not work out exactly as I had anticipated. But he was up there in the tree, expressing, in the strongest possible terms, his utter disregard for me, my entire species, and my puny little rifle. So what are you going to do? I loaded up the gun and I shot his ass again.”

“…he immediately latched his teeth into the stock, got ahold of it with his claws, and proceeded to climb UP the gun, having apparently decided that would provide the quickest and most expeditious route to my throat.  I might have gotten just a little bit freaked out at that point.”

Click to read it all.  (And you should.)

Hat tip to Bayou Renaissance Man.

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Grandma Bread

Posted on January 12, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

After reporting my unprecedented success; I’ve had several requests for my patented, super secret, never before discovered, wombat shit free bread recipe.  Fair ’nuff.

I will comply but not right now.  At the moment my blog is on temporary auto-pilot while I’m out of town.  You’ll have to wait.

In the meantime I’ll add a few points of interest related to cooking Grandma food:

  1. Getting cooking advice from me is ironic.  I do not cook…I kill stuff, eat things, and manufacture food.  Cooking is, to me, a means to an end; the “end” of course is not starving (and avoiding the ingestion of shit).  My wife, who is a superb cook, is probably rolling her eyes (or worse) at the paradox of me giving any culinary advice on anything.
  2. In keeping with my ideas of cooking, all of my “culinary advice” is intended for possessors of a Y chromosome or those who can grok my attitude.  If you’re looking for anything like the average cooking advice…try Julia Child.
  3. If I did it then it is simple and crude.  I did not invent the bread recipe I used.  Why reinvent the wheel?
  4. The only reason to bake bread is because there are not free range loaves which can be hunted.

Since you asked for it, I’ll provide further information (at a later date).  Prepare to be underwhelmed.

A.C.

Posted in Homesteading | Leave a comment

I Can’t Wait For The Future

Posted on January 11, 2012 by AdaptiveCurmudgeon

The future is gonna’ be awesome!  Predictions for the year 2111 in The Astonishing World Of The Future describe amazing advances in technology.  Some quotes to whet your appetite:

“Facilities for the preparation of food will be available in every home. Instead of purchasing standardized meals in frozen form or in paper bags from fast-food outlets, families will be able to produce for themselves nearly any kind of meal they desire, according to their own taste and requirements.”

Wow!  And there’s more:

“Large openings covered with glass in the walls of office buildings will virtually eliminate the need for artificial lighting during the day, as it will be possible to harness the light of the sun itself for most everyday tasks. A clever mechanical arrangement will make it possible to raise the glass panels, allowing natural air circulation that will greatly reduce the need for artificial climate control.”

You should click over and read the whole thing.  I can’t wait for the future.

Hat tip to Roberta X.

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