Category Archives: Tractor Of The Damned

It is possible that I had this coming. It is possible that we all live many lives. It is possible that in my last life I was really really bad. Possibly a cackling maniac who carjacked nuns, stole candy from babies, and invested stranger’s money in Enron stock. This could be the reason why every machinist, mechanic, or Dipstick who’d gone near the tractor had done worse than wrong but practically sabotaged it. Continue reading →

I set down the vice grip and we rolled the tractor out of the garage. Outside the sun was shining and my beloved chickadees were calling. The smoke was already dissipating. God wants us to forgive. I like chickadees. Continue reading →

So long as a beer was in one hand and a cigarette in the other, Dipstick seemed confident.  For about an hour he orbited the tractor while I offered wrenches or turned the hand crank.  (It has a “backup” hand … Continue reading →

After a few calls I’d arranged for the fellow to come look at my tractor. I’ve since forgotten his name. Probably because of the trauma. For now I’ll call him Dipstick. Continue reading →

After my fiasco trying to pull start an inert lump of metal cleverly disguised as a tractor I came to several important conclusions. #1:  I just wasn’t smart enough to figure out what was hosed and un-hose it. Someone else, … Continue reading →

If something isn’t working. And you’re pissed off. And you’re the kind of fellow that has a big chain and a truck… You might be thinking that the chain and truck will solve your problems. This is an excellent time to sip a nice cup of tea and then go to bed. Continue reading →

Well, with my last post, I’ve let the cat out of the bag. The tractor did have an end game. (Or at least an interruption in the onslaught of suck.) By what should have been a simple fix turned into a saga of misery, failure, false hope, and mechanical self immolation. It was a Greek tragedy with wrenches. It behooves me to share my experiences so you can laugh your ass off. Continue reading →

I have been a very good boy this year. Santa brought me this… Continue reading →

This is what happened to a clutch mounting bolt. Continue reading →