Curmudgeon’s Non-Vacation: Part 3: Invariably Making It Worse

Hur said Biden was non compos mentis. That’s not great news for Captain Corn Pop but it’s not a surprise or insurmountable. All Biden needed to do was hide (as he usually does). He could enjoy another “committed a crime but nobody will touch it with a ten foot pole” moment by simply doing the same thing he’s done for years.

Hur provided the perfect timing too. All Biden had to do was stay under a rock until the Super Bowl. Nothing does a mental reset to the masses like bread and circuses. If Biden was really lucky TayTay would have a wardrobe malfunction or something and make everyone forget. (Yes, that stupid thing also happened. It was another of THOSE days. During superbowl 2004 Janet Jackson flashed a tit at halftime. Otherwise adult humans pretended they’d never seen such a super inappropriate thing before. A boob? Heavens to Betsy, who could imagine such a thing! We were just sitting here reciting hymns about how threshing wheat is fun! Sixteen years later the society that pretended it was shocked that Janet Jackson had breasts made Wet Ass Pussy a hit. That’s exactly how a reasonable society of mature adults behaves. Right?)

Anyway if Biden hides long enough, something stupid and weird will happen and everyone will officially forget he’s simultaneously too mentally declined to stand trail and Commander in Chief of the biggest nuclear armed military on earth. (Isn’t that a great thing to ponder?)

Biden knows how to hide. His 2020 campaign was from a basement. The press informed me that serious leaders of major countries routinely hide in their basements while campaigning. It must be true because he got more votes than any other presidential candidate in history!

Because the wise thing to do was take the hit and then smile, Biden insisted on doing the exact opposite. He decided a live response would prove he’s a crack thinker at the top of his game. And that portion of THOSE days popped up on my feed.

I haven’t seen Biden live since… um… I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him perform live since he was sworn in behind a wall of concertina wire. He used to do live stuff as VP but that’s a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. His amazing, unquestionable, statistically astounding, and legally flawless record setting vote tally sure as hell didn’t come from live performances.

I was curious. I watched the whole 16 minute disaster and it was “cringe”. Youths win on that slang. I normally wouldn’t say “cringe” but the 16 minute fuck up I watched was deeply uncomfortable to watch. I literally cringed watching him.

I don’t like seeing grown men having tantrums. I don’t like zombie level word salad mutterings. Alternating between rage and mumbling senescence is unnerving. It’s just not a good look.

You know how kids sometimes melt down on some hapless mom in the grocery store? The kid is screaming like a wild animal and flopping around in the canned goods aisle. Everyone is uncomfortable and embarrassed for the mom. They’re trying to pretend they’re not annoyed but they hate the situation. The mom is trying to contain her unholy offspring but the fucking kid is carrying on like a retarded banshee. We get that toddlers are toddlers. But it’s still awful for everyone involved… except the kid who’s too undeveloped to know how disgusting it is. That’s what a “cringe” press conference feels like.

At the grocery store the mom is miserable. Often just standing there, tear in her eye, thinking about how tired she is, wishing it were over. I wonder how Jill Biden felt?

I breathed a sigh of relief when Biden walked off stage. I really did. I’m not sure anyone enjoyed watching Biden fume (aside from maybe Trump). I was worried about the guy and I don’t even like Biden. I was relieved when he called it quits. He’d forgotten the location where he got his son’s rosary beads and that’s about it. The rest of the time he was mostly explaining he was “as sharp as a tack and the way you know it is because I’m shouting and angry”. I don’t associate shouting and angry with intellectual merit, but then again I didn’t get more votes than any other candidate in history.

Then, when a very ugly experience was almost over and all that was left for stunned staffers and “journalists” to spin away as much reputational damage as possible; he returned. He took the time to explain about Mexico’s border wall between Gaza and Egypt. Yep, he did that. He was at the finish line but he picked that moment to snatch defeat from the hands of… Well, it sure as hell wasn’t victory, but having a tantrum is one thing and confusing Mexico with Egypt is another. American’s aren’t great at geography but we know that Egypt borders Gaza, the Mexican border is with America, and the two aren’t even in the same hemisphere!

That gaffe doesn’t on it’s own prove he’s non compos mentis but it sure as hell doesn’t disprove it. The whole thing was embarrassing to watch. I feel like disinfecting my TV. Watching lizards fuck on the Discovery Channel is spiritually uplifting compared to Biden’s emotional incontinence.

Couch potatoing had NOT been a success. I wasn’t feeling good to start with and now I felt like Biden had peed on my leg.

Trying to save something sane for the last moment of the day, I tuned into Justin Johnson. Johnson playing Gravediggger Blues on his 3 string shovel guitar. He’s everything that bitchy decrepit political hacks aren’t. He’s got plain old excellence. It’s not country, it’s not heavy metal, it’s not WAP on the top 40 schlock radio, it’s not “performed” by TayTay, it’s pure blues essence. I encourage you to watch (listen!).

I have no formal education in music theory but there’s something about 3 string makeshift guitars and the blues. For blues (and I think it’s only blues?) 3 strings can sound fully soulful almost more perfectly than the usual 6 strings. I think there’s something in the root of blues that makes the 3 strings work just right. (I don’t know what bluegrass would sound like on 3 strings but I’m guessing it wouldn’t fit as well.)

I tried to master guitar and it wasn’t in the cards for me. I liked playing but I’ll never be anything but mediocre (or worse). What Johnson plays, I can almost understand but not really. It was a nice “recovery” from one of THOSE days, to witness excellence.

Anyway I encourage you to listen to Justin Johnson.

If I had known the future, I’d have known the blues was appropriate. Stay tuned for the rest of the story.