We are all mortal.
I am healthy. A loved one is not. The clock ticks loudly. I hear the universe in my ear. I see it in my heart. The power of eternity leans uncomfortably close; crowding me, letting me know what’s coming. It’s gradual but final. I’m thankful it’s not all happening at once.
It would be false to say I’ve been preoccupied and thus unable to blog. Such would imply that pounding out fifty or a hundred essays a year (and my beloved squirrel stories) is the purpose of life, which clearly it is not. I am not preoccupied. I grapple with the very meat of living.
Blogging must wait. How long? I’ve no idea. I’d like to stoically shrug things off but I am human and have human frailty. I’ll need longer. A week? A fortnight? I do not know. I don’t resent the uncertainty. The mystery of life is as beautiful as it is cruel. A new world was created the moment we drew first breath. That world lives in time borrowed but never possessed. It must be returned to the owner. Such knowledge is a heavy weight but we all carry it. I withdraw for now because I can bear no other condition. Withdrawal is no more permanent than anything else.
I have paused from time to time in the last few weeks to ponder what to say. What bit wisdom could I distill? How could I communicate what I experience? Should I broadcast lived wisdom to the aether?
It came clear as I sat by a hospital bed. I cannot share my thoughts. Or rather I will not. At least not yet. We all know the losses that lurk in our future. We all have times of sorrow. Yet, for each agonizing repetition, the process must happen internally.
Despite our current false world of TikTok drivel and navel gazing social media, I am certain I’ve made the right choice. There are times to gather in herds and times to quietly ponder. I write little and none specific. That is my choice.
I want you to know I am alive. I humbly ask for patience. Soon perhaps, though I don’t know when, I’ll write again. I’m not out of stories. In due time I’ll return to conversations with trees and conjured satirical squirrels that scamper about fictional worlds.
If you must wait, at least know it is for good reason.
If I could ask one additional thing, it is this: Step away from politics and hug those who need it. Do it now. Thank you.