[It took a lot of work to get those damn squirrels to Portland! Last post of this chapter goes live on Christmas Eve. I hope you liked it, sorry I didn’t have time to wrap it.]
Squirrels, being a separate species and a devious one at that, lack the ability to sense when a human is telling the truth. From camouflage to distraction, the forest existence is one of perpetual competition. They simply assumed that a human’s every utterance might be anything from a bluff to misdirection. Since everything the squirrels did was in service of their own goals, which usually remained hidden, they assumed the same of all beings.
This worked fine for most humans. Harried and beaten by the modern world, most humans have internally blurred the line between truth and fiction until they themselves can scarcely divine their own intent. This is at the root of bullshit’s inherent power. Those who deal in lies are easily captured by the web of programming which had been cast in their society long before they were born and would continue long after they were gone.
Billy, on the other hand, was not a normal human. He spoke truth like is rarely done in modern times. You could carve the things he said in stone. You could build a city on the foundation of those stones. Billy felt that lying was beneath him; an affectation of lesser beings. Doogie knew this. Billy meant every word he said… always.
Because it was so honest and true, “operation carrot” was absolutely mad. Doogie had agreed to Billy’s two pronged approach but he felt the unbearable goodness of intention at its core was simply too beautiful to exist. He expected it to explode as soon as it was exposed to cruel reality; or scheming squirrels.
Billy stopped at a small town near a FedEx store and took a deep breath. He’d decided it was time to unveil operation carrot to the squirrels.
“Squirrels, come with me.” He began as he exited the car. The squirrels, half believing they were heading to their doom, followed.
Billy paused at the rear of the car and opened the trunk. The trunk was quite full but he rummaged around and came up with a small envelope and a guidebook.
“There are trees greater than you have ever seen…” He began, speaking to himself as much as the squirrels.
Doogie, staying back and watching saw it. The hook had been set. Whether Billy had intended it this way or not, he’d hit upon just about the only thing a Lesbian Activist Squirrel cares about more than defeating males… trees.
“This is a ponderosa pine. As a species, they’re roughly the largest trees you’ve seen.” Billy held up the book so the squirrels could see. It was only then that Doogie realized it was a field guide to trees. Billy, who’s entirety of physical possessions could fit in a Subaru, carried nature guides? “Pinus ponderosa,” Billie had lapsed briefly into taxonomic Latin, “can grow to about 200’, though most are shorter than that and a few are larger.” Billy was reciting from memory, but it matched the text exactly. The squirrels scampered closer to look at the diagram.
“The coastal redwood, sometimes called California redwood is an entirely different kind of tree. The scientific name is Sequoia sempervirens, and it grows in a thin band along the coast of Northern California.” Billy flipped through the book and held the relevant page for the squirrel’s view. “It grows to well over 350’ tall. There are many trees over 30’ in diameter.”
The squirrels were entranced. Billy flipped the pages back and forth so the squirrels could see the difference between a 200’ Ponderosa pine and a 350’ Redwood. Never in history had a squirrel learned so much about a topic so important so quickly.
“Back in the day I did some gold panning and mushrooming under those trees.” Billy looked off into a horizon only he could see. “These are the greatest and most majestic trees on planet earth.”
Mary, or was it Terry, reached out a tiny squirrel hand to touch the book’s diagram. “When I was there, I met a woman.” Billy sighed deeply. “She was…” He stopped.
The squirrels looked up at Billy, clearly wishing him to continue. “She was, more in tune with the trees than any human I’ve met before or since.” He blurted this out, clearly speaking on some deep and painful level none but Billy could understand.
By now Bert had ambled over to look at the tree book. Even Bert was impressed.
“This woman lives in a Redwood.” Billy continued, “About, that far up.” He pointed to an area about 2/3 of the way up the Redwood diagram. “She got involved in a protest over a logging project, and then the land was put under an easement and swapped to the Nature Conservancy, so I guess she’s why the tree’s still there. She could move out but…” Billy paused again, clearly in pain, “…but she’s never going to leave.”
He took a deep breath before continuing. “She lives in the tree and that’s that.”
The squirrels weren’t quite sure what to make of Billy’s tone. Something was wrong with him. Was this woman a way to defeat the dangerous male he’d become? Was she a warrior too? Since when did humans live in trees?
“She’s got unofficial permission to live in her platform as long as she wants, which is forever. She almost never leaves. Doesn’t even come to ground level that often.”
Billy was reaching into the envelope. He brought out a tattered photo. The squirrels weren’t aware there was a time when photograph were printed on paper. They wondered if Billy was older than they’d imagined. The photo showed a delightful young lass. She had freckles and wore a long dress. Behind her was a rope railing, woven of very thick hemp, and beyond that the open sky. Clearly the photo was taken on her platform and clearly it was at dizzying heights. One corner of the photo was taken up by a single branch, larger in girth than most full trees. The left half of the photo showed a grinning young man. The man, impossibly young and naive, was Billy himself. The squirrels understood aging among humans, this was a skinny, young, gawky, boyish version of the wiry, tough, man with which they’d become involved.
Doogie felt a lump in his throat. The paths not taken…
“She,” Billy regained composure and soldiered on, “she has a foundation. A non-profit that manages her affairs. I’m sure some of your funds could be donated to that foundation. In exchange you’d be cared for for life. Nobody could ever ask more. There’s no person more sweet and kind and…” Billy trailed off.
Silence sat like a spell over the odd group. Two squirrels who’d never seen a redwood, a bear who was spellbound over the story, Doogie who had no idea Billy had a woman like that in his history, and Billy who was practically bleeding on the pavement.
“That’s what I have to offer.” He concluded. “The greatest and best tree a squirrel could ever imagine. In the tree is a glorious woman who lives there full time. She’ll offer companionship and shelter and protection and all the food you’ll need. We made a deal to see to it that you are delivered to a safe haven. This is how I can honor that deal. I offer you absolute paradise!”
He smiled and it was the most benign heartfelt smile Doogie had ever seen on Billy’s face. “What do you think?”
The squirrels agreed instantly.
Billy nodded and walked into the FedEx store. He returned quickly. “I sent a FedEx, it will arrive tomorrow at the folks that run her foundation, they’ll get the message to her and take care of the arrangements. One easy transfer will fund you for your entire life. We will go to The People’s Fair in Portland. She attends every year. It’s about the only time she leaves the tree.” Billy paused and touched each squirrel gently, the first time he’d touched them at all, “I will introduce you personally. You will be very happy.”
The group was considerably subdued after Billy’s incredible offer. They rolled on quietly for the rest of the trip to Portland.
Finally Doogie got up the courage to ask what anyone sane would be thinking. “Have you proposed to this woman?”
Billy nodded, “Every time I see her.”
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Momentous, I am moved. I have visited these mighty trees.
Incidentally, yesterday was 48 degrees, this morning it’s 0 degrees here in not so sunny, middle Tennessee, and covered in something hard and white. AC, did you misplace something? Asking for the neighbors.
You can keep your white stuff, I’ve got all I can handle here. It’s -21 and windy with intermittent white outs where I am. Luckily I planned for this. I stocked up and so forth. Barring emergencies I won’t have to leave my property for several days. Right now it’s so nasty out there even the snowmobiles aren’t out in it. I’ll know the storm is over when I hear snowmobiles buzzing around the drifts.
I like the big trees too. I’ve spent some time with both sequoia and redwood. Both are so wonderful it’s hard to describe to someone who hasn’t seen them.
Fantastic chapter. Thanks.
Glad you like it!