Attack Of The Lesbian Activist Squirrels: Incoming!

There are two groups of readers on this blog; those who know about Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels and those who don’t. For those who don’t, I’m providing this background information.

In the autumn of 2016, Mrs. Curmudgeon spooked a black bear. She was walking my dog, which happened to be white and (being a guardian dog) was eager to throw down.

It was the middle of a campaign season that was just as stupid and insulting as they’ve all become. Therefore not a day went by without someone accusing something of “racism”.

Ah, the good old days. Do you remember when everyone had lost their goddamn minds and it was a new experience? Anyway I joked that the only possible reason a guardian dog would bark at a bear in the yard was racism. Then I went further and committed the joke to the forever world of the internet, thus creating one of my favorite satirical characters; Bart.

Bart, a racist bear, first appears here. I feared people would get all “triggered” and pummel me but everyone loved Bart and his unstable friend (a terrorist skunk).

What an interesting discovery! I’d spent a long time fretting that folks were losing perspective. Taking political / social bullshit too seriously is bad for one’s mental health. I wished someone would just rip into it and make jokes. Turns out, that guy could be me!

I tossed off the phrase “lesbian squirrels or an oak tree with Wi-Fi”.  There was a general opinion I ought to write that very story but (being lazy) I came up with a challenge that would surely kill the idea: “hit my tip jar and I’ll write an alternate ending involving lesbian squirrels.” In no time at all I got a few donations. That settled it.

A couple weeks later, I fleshed out the role of Edward, a trans-species raptor and the dangerous, scheming Lesbian Activist Squirrels. (In case you’re wondering I really did meet a pissed off, zoned out, raptor in my driveway. Whether it was trans-species is a matter of debate.)

In fits and starts the story has continued. It’s over 500 pages. Here’s the binder I keep on my shelf:

At about 103,000 words it’s the only book-length work I’ve (half) written. I aim to write the best “talking Squirrels harnessing the power of bullshit” novel possible.

The twisting-turning plotline has everything you might want; the true power of bullshit, extreme greeters, a dominatrix mind coach, Swedish disco, K-cup reserve currency, two college dropouts (one wicked smart and the other a capitalist Paladin), Gatling guns, etc… It’s a tough story to write! Edna monitors my grammar and Gertrude (with the assistance of Goon #2) will not hesitate to “straighten me out” should I compose poorly.

I created a page that holds the entire story. Everyone with a sense of humor is welcome to read it.

The plot approaches its exciting conclusion in the city that rationality forgot; Portland. I’m trying carefully to avoid painting myself into a corner so this month’s chapter carefully lines up all the characters for the final boss battle.

“Chapter 8 – Mystery Inc.” will feature eight posts over eight days (possibly nine, my muse and I have been fighting over that). The chapter should go live in it’s entirety on or before the Winter Solstice. Merry Christmas Y’all!

Tips are appreciated but not required.

Thanks for reading.