Motorcycle Camping: Happily Drunk In A Fabric Cage: Part 2: Operation Old Guy

My good and loyal homebuilt sailboat got shafted. Tragic! By the time I was able to go camping I’d run out of time to get the boat ready. Also the winds were predicted to be too calm. It takes less preparation to bring the dirt bike so I loaded it on my old utility trailer (I use it for both boat and bike) and headed out on a camping trip. I swore I could hear the boat weeping.

I’m learning new camping approaches. My progress may be slow but it’s progress nonetheless. First, I had to beat it into my pointy head that not all campsites must be in the middle of the wilderness. Then, I had to find the part of my skull that fixates on lightweight backpacking gear and drop a luxurious 20 pound folding cot on it. Then, I had to accept that it’s OK to drive to a campsite with a huge Dodge and camp right next to it. Then I got in the habit of trailering a boat or dirt bike so that I could spend nights at a base-camp & all day having adventures. Then I had to level up to dispersed free camping instead of convenience but dependency through expensive on-line reservations. Recently, I told myself a screen tent is not a mark of shame. All paths are but many individual steps.

What I can do, others can too. Find what holds you back and work on it.

Incidentally, I camp solo. Most people won’t or can’t do that and I think that’s tragic. There’s no rational reason for a healthy person to be so fearful and many good reasons to go out there and find a place to THINK. Mankind was meant to stride like a colossus on our planet. If you find yourself clinging to the herd like a terrified mouse, you’ve lost your edge (maybe you never had it). At most, being solo is matter of risk mitigation. Figure it out and do it. The spandex crowd at REI acts like a human alone in nature will be struck dead within the hour. Can you imagine such fear? Is that why they put on masks and cowered like children for two years?

Unless you’re a complete fucking idiot (or live somewhere incredibly dangerous) you ought to be capable of taking care of yourself outdoors. At the very least you should be able to pop a tent at a Park and roast some damn marshmallows. If you’ve nobody with whom to camp, go camping anyway.

I arrived like a boss! Witness the glory of my carefully rehearsed and well planned “operation old-guy camp setup routine”. I pull up to the location in question, assess the best place to park a tent, turn off the Dodge, and BOOM! Done in ten minutes!

I have a Gazelle T4 tent, a Teton XXL cot, a Teton XXL mattress, a Teton XXL sleeping bag, and a tattered old Spiderman pillow. They work together like peanut butter and jelly. Note: I provide links to the things I’ve bought because they serve me well. As for the cot/pad/bag be careful to choose all Teton XXL things and they’ll work together very well. Be aware that the combined setup is very large… it won’t fit in all tents. On the other hand the combined effect is more comfortable than most beds! (Note: I get a tiny kickback from Amazon if you use the links.) I think it’s hard work to sort through the many options out there so when I find something that works I put up a link. I hope to spare you the effort of re-inventing my wheel.

None of my stuff is free but it’s not too pricey if you buy a bit at a time. I have no links to the Spiderman pillow because I stole it from from my child. It is just the right size for camping. (The pillow, not the child.)

The important thing is to get out in nature. I mention specifics but use whatever gear suits you.

Unlike backpacking gear, all my current shit is huge, heavy, and carried in my 8’ truck bed. I never lug it more than 100 yards. It’s a good solution for its intended environment. Heavy shit is easier to deploy, often more rugged, and usually a little cheaper than specialized backpacking stuff. The sole issue with this is that I don’t have a truck cap. If it’s looking rainy I have to wrap my shit in tarps while driving. Ironically, a generic mini-van, of the type that subtracts points from your man-card if you drive one, would be better than my truck for carrying tents and stuff.

Everything I’ve chosen is heavy duty and comfortable. Also, all my stuff is very fast to assemble. This was important to me. I can setup camp in 10 minutes without rushing; that didn’t happen by accident.

I’ve honed camp deployment to nearly an art form. The Dodge engine goes off and I’ve erected a situation that’s approaching hotel room comfort without breaking a sweat. Someday there may be an emergency reason why I need to go from driver’s seat to sheltered cot in 10 minutes. I’m not sure why, but it could happen. In the meantime, I simply love easy setup and takedown. (Takedown is necessarily slower, but not by much.)

This time I added the Gazelle G5 screen tent. It, like my sleeping tent of nearly similar “pop up” design, takes 90-120 seconds to erect. I popped up my screen tent right next to my sleeping tent. Two tents for one man! Why not? Look at me, I’m a fuckin’ high roller!

I dragged my cooler into the screen tent, added a lawnchair, and used an old painting stand as a “mini table”. It went fast! I was sitting comfortably, cold beer in hand, in the screen tent only a few minutes after my main camp was situated. (Yes, that’s a full setup. I always stake all corners and midpoints of both tents and the rainfly was on the tent too.)

Note: what I called “painting stand” is a “folding scaffold“. I wasn’t going to screw around dragging a picnic table into the screen tent (not sure if it would fit anyway). My scaffold is coated in a million colors of paint but it still works fine as a low table. Just so you know what I’m talking about, I included a link to one that’s about like mine. This was the first time I tried a scaffold but it’s pretty slick. It’s aluminum so it’s waterproof and also you don’t have to worry about a hot campstove damaging it. It’s strong enough to stand on. It folds and it’s light, but it doesn’t pack down small. It’s a great option for a guy taking a whole truck camping… especially if he already owns the scaffold. It wouldn’t fit in a Subaru. I’m thinking of buying a smaller scaffold just for camping.

Maybe I’ll review it in more detail later but so far the screen tent is PERFECT for one man! Just right for a solo Curmudgeon. Neither too large nor too small. It should be good for two men or an adult married couple. It might be too small if you’ve got a herd of kids running around or you’ve got uncle Fred and Sister Edna cluttering up your campsite. Both Gazelle products are built like a brick shithouse and are fast to setup. They don’t match in color or shape. The sleeping tent is a cube (which just barely holds the massive XXL cot) and the screen tent is a pentagon. If you knew that you’d ALWAYS want the screen tent you can get a sleeping/screen tent combo called the T4 Plus. It’s a real cool tent; damn near a beach villa made of fabric. However, it’s so elaborate that you lose options. I might want to forgo one half or the other of the screen tent/sleeping tent pair and sewing them together takes away that option. Also I like lightning fast one man setups and the combo tent is probably a little bit slower during a one man deployment.

Call it 12-15 minutes or so from engine shut down to ass in chair, feet up on the table, and first beer cracked.

It. Was. Beautiful!

A.C.

P.S. I coined the term “operation old guy” in 2019. You can find it on my “Walkabouts” page or click Sail/Camp Adventure #2: Part 3: The Idea Of Operation Old Guy,
Sail/Camp Adventure #2: Part 4: The Execution Of Operation Old Guy.