Nothing make me happier than satire. It doesn’t get much better than this:
AN FAQ ABOUT YOUR NEW BIRTH CONTROL: THE MUSIC OF RUSH
by LESLIE YLINENWhat’s in it?
Every woman deserves to know exactly what’s in her birth control. Rush is a Canadian progressive rock power trio whose golden era is generally considered to be from 1975 to 1982. Thankfully, for your long-term family planning strategy, the band has an extensive discography that spans from 1974 to 2012.The music of Rush is marked by erratic signature changes, unconventional chord structures, heavy use of synthesizers and electronic effects, and, most importantly, lead vocals that sound like an ancient witch is being exorcised out of your body with live wires. In less clinical terms, imagine taking the most annoying parts of science fiction and Libertarianism, isolating them, and then somehow blending them up into a cursed musical slurry. Then, infuse that slurry with a distinctive incel vibe, and presto! You’ve got one of the most powerful contraception options on the market.
That’s just beautiful! Read the whole thing (it goes on for half a page and each sentence is better than the last).
It’s enough to make Geddy Lee’s full on hippie hair, which persists despite being a Boomer of the right age to be hawking medical insurance supplements and pricing a golf cart for orbiting a Phoenix retirement condo at 5 MPH, turn a tiny bit grey.
Now, before y’all jump to conclusions, I love Rush. My first speeding ticket was directly caused by a Rush cassette in a 35Watt car stereo cranking YYZ on a sunny open highway. That and the fucking 55MPH speed limit. (Oh, those were dark times indeed. I will never forgive mankind for making me endure such bullshit!)
I can even deal with Lee’s um… unique vocals. Why the hell not? We live in a word where people listen to Bob Dylan voluntarily. Anything is possible if Bob can have a Nobel in literature(!) while singing like that. Plus, much of what I hear of recent years is infested with the unforgivable horror that is autotune.
In fact, I like Lee’s voice, sometimes it’s just the thing. Just not too often. It goes down in the same way I sometimes want to slam a couple shots of cheap tequila just for the taste. That’s right boys and girls, I love me some tequila, just not every day.
It’s a fact that Rush merits good hearted mockery. Like this:
No one has ever gotten pregnant while listening to the music of Rush. Clinical studies show that when combined with watching a male sexual partner play air bass along to the extended solo in “Freewill,” the contraceptive efficacy of Rush approaches 100%.
Remember, I like the band. I’m just willing to admit it’s an acquired taste; and a relatively testosterone laden one at that. If Sinatra will get a lady in the mood, Rush will send her running.
In case you’ve never heard of Rush, you really should. Seriously, love ’em or hate ’em, you’re incomplete if you haven’t heard at least a few of their songs.
I’m linking to YYZ, an instrumental that spares the novice a headlong plunge of Lee’s singing. Note that it starts with the IATA airport identification code of Toronto Pearson International Airport. Yes, they heard morse code on a VHF aviation radio and said “fuck it… lets turn this into something that’s neither rock nor jazz”. Then Neil Pert set out to destroy his cymbals and the other two somehow managed to keep up.
Isn’t it nice to hear a three man band where they don’t just play instruments but they wring them out! Plus, half the time I listen to them I start wishing I had a better handle on the science of music theory. Enjoy the song; it won’t get you laid and it’s fun to mock but I still think it’s damn good music.
Hat tip to Cold Fury.