The Squirrels Are Back!

It’s go time!

Right now I’m uploading another installment of Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels. If you’re new here, the squirrels are a donation supported on-line serialized novel. They’re my humble contribution to western civilization and my pushback against a world gone mad without the humor needed to make madness fun.

I’m only gonna’ say this once. It’s a satirical allegory. If you’re woke (or too dumb to understand satire) it’s going to give you a heart attack. You’ll deserve it for ignoring the warning. For God’s sake the title ought to tip you off! Everyone here loves it. If you’re easily triggered go back to your safe space of TwitFace or InstaTok or wherever you lurk about. This blog is meant for adults that can take a joke. Also, the animals in this story are invented in my mind, so I can kill one off. Which I did. Suck it Hollywood!

Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels is bigger than just this month’s storytelling. Feel free to read the whole novel. Pour yourself a glass of whiskey, put your feet up by the fire, and go to the Lesbian Squirrels Main Page which has every part of the story in order. Take a break to laugh. You deserve it.

A quick synopsis for those who’ve been reading along but dropped the thread in the ensuing months:

• Chapter one started with a racist bear causing a skunksplosion. This happened on the property of a Curmudgeon who doesn’t want any part of the story.
• Chapter two revealed the true power of Swedish disco and the dangers of concentrated bullshit. When this power falls into the wrong hands it results in a squirrel genocide, a weaponized raptor, and an experiment which backfires by creating five dudebros.
• Chapter three covered a lot of ground as our college dropout heroes are hired by the lesbian activist squirrels to get them to the homeland of failed Utopian visionaries, Portland Oregon. Their progress is delayed as they play 3D chess against the deadly NSA. Detroit suffers minor injuries during the writing of this chapter.
• Chapter four involved the horror of a Labrador Retriever just too darned smart for his breed and the kale eating moron who owns him.
• Chapter five started with a betrayal narrowly averted with hot coffee and porn. It also discussed the K-Cup / fiat paper economic balance, the birth of Batman, and, tragically, the complete destruction of Billy’s Church of Plenty. Also, Chigger wears a speedo.
• Chapter six had Adult Situations With Differential Equations (the chapter link will show chapter six in reverse order, the main page will show everything in the correct order). In that chapter, Velma, a lovely and very dangerous lass that likes to play with nailguns and poison, either did or did not kill a man with a trained weasel.

This chapter rolls around just as Velma is wrapping up her “genius level tutoring program” but in a different location. We are now at the prime locus for bullshit generation, a University. The next post will be part one of Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels, Chapter Seven: Thunderdome.

Some housekeeping: as a blog, each post will show in chronological order. The most recent post will be at the top and earlier posts appear beneath it. For simplicity, I’ll link things in the proper order at the Lesbian Squirrels Main Page.

Donations via PayPal or Patreon are appreciated. I also accept silver, ammo, and whiskey. There are backup links at the upper right side of your screen too. Donations make you more attractive to the opposite sex, keep your coat glossy, and improve your vehicle’s fuel efficiency. If you’re broke, I get it. Pay it forward when you can.

Thank you.

A.C.