How To Motivate A Curmudgeon

This is the complete text (used with permission) that came with a recent tip:

Damn it man, we need Squirrels!!! I warned you months ago, but the little Bastards are back. The demon spawn from your twisted imagination have once again manifested into the material plane.

No Shit, there I was… Last week I noticed two grey squirrels outside our front door. I mentioned it to my wife, who looked over and said “they look like activists to me”. I replied, “I hope Bart doesn’t show up next”, we had our chuckle and forgot about it.

The next morning we went out for breakfast, and as we’re sitting down at the restaurant table in the background I hear “…Night is young and music’s high. With a bit of…” I look over at my wife and say “do you hear what’s playing?” just as the restaurant sound system belts out “You are the dancing queen”.

My wife looks at me and says “those damn squirrels!”

I reply, “that damn Curmudgeon! The demon spawn of his twisted imagination have set the destroyer upon us, all of reality, as we know it as it risk! He’s unleashed the apocalypse; the end times are upon us! It could be the end of Universe!!!”

It was then that I noticed the folks at the next table nervously glancing over their shoulders at me. Seriously, you can’t make this shit up. This year we’ve had two sightings of a pair of squirrels, and each time within 24 hours we’ve heard ABBA’s Dancing Queen on the radio! It can’t be a coincidence. Clearly you must be some sort of modern day Nostradamus or Edgar Cayce. So, unless you want to be responsible for the end of creation, I implore you for Squirrel stories. And sorry the donation is so sucky, but it’s what I can handle right now. Keep fighting the good fight.

When a rant like that comes in the in-box, I can do naught but comply. I may not write quickly but I haven’t quit.

A.C.

P.S. Also, thanks to everyone for massive patience as I pause for months and years mid-tale. Writing “in your spare time” and “serialized” is ridiculously hard. The first is the worst but the second is dangerous. I have an arc in mind and am not going to paint myself in a corner. I also don’t want to create some confusing mess like whatever happened to the dorks writing Lost (I actually never watched the end of the story, but I hear it was a mess). Lucky for me, ABBA knows all.