Jack De Crow, Christmas Noun, And Attack Of The Lesbian Activist Squirrels

Winter hit like a freight train but it’s been a good time for me anyway. Partly because I’ve sparked at least ten dreamers and that makes me as happy as a Curmudgeon gets. Earlier this month I mentioned The Unlikely Voyage of Jack De Crow: A Mirror Odyssey from North Wales to the Black Sea. I also mentioned more popular books. To my delight and surprise, the obscure little book about a boat trip far outshone all others. (Also, everyone but me hates The Road. No regrets! I fuckin’ loved it.)

I’m an odd duck. I read Jack De Crow and it was on my wavelength. It inspired me. I built a tiny boat based on no knowledge, inadequate tools, optimism, and internet advice. Shockingly, the damn thing floated. (My novice construction wasn’t even particularly ugly. Turns out it’s not too hard to build a boat.) I spent part of last summer sailing in plywood bliss. It was the best thing I’ve done in years. There’s nothing quite like harnessing the wind in a craft you made… even if it is a tiny, boxy craft. I’m already planning new boat builds; some serious, some fanciful. I find myself staring at maps concocting new boat adventures and wondering if I’ll ever go there.

I don’t expect many people to think like me. I certainly didn’t expect the little book to appeal to “normal” folks at all. I felt silly mentioning it. I mention lots of things that make me feel silly, few of them gain traction.

I’m glad I did. The Great Database in the Sky tells me at least 10 people bought it. My blog is small time. My Amazon sales are miniscule. I never sell 10 of anything; much less an obscure book about a geeky English guy rowing down canals in Europe. Who knew? (Lest you think this is all commercialism, my cut of 10 books’ sales is less than I’d need to buy a six pack. The real payoff is that people are reading it.)

I’m going to spend Christmas imagining ten people in ten houses dreaming of ten adventures. That’s a happy thought if there ever was one!

…

Monster Hunter usually graces Christmas with a hilarious short story called “The Christmas Noun”. This is a delight and a huge imposition on a writer who’s actually making a living as an author. “Please spend half a month writing free shit to amuse me while neglecting your day job.” I’m always thankful when he posts it. This year it’s not showing up (or at least I haven’t noticed it). That’s cool. He’s got a life. I get that. Also, he cranked out something like 10 Christmas Noun stories over the years and that’s plenty to ask from anyone.

(Note: I also enjoy Dave Barry’s annual year in review. It’s not as good as Christmas Noun but I never fail to read it.)

Missing the Christmas Noun got me thinking. The dude’s busy but in our current society we need every joke we can get. Everyone in public is freaking out like a whiny little bitch and the nation (in fact many nations) seem poised to go full retard over the dumbest shit. It’s the kind of lemminglike madness that’s better greeted by a great big belly laugh than anger. (In fact, the stupid all around us seems to feed off anger. Starve it!)

We need satire and humor and just plain old joy to counteract the vinegar drinking scolds haranguing us at work and bitching at us on social media and barking from our telescreens. If only there was someone writing plain old funny stories.

Oh shit…

What’s the bumper sticker slogan? “Be the change you wish to see.” Something like that? (As an aside, I prefer “Peace through superior firepower” but that’s another topic and I never put bumper stickers on my vehicles anyway.)

I suck compared to Monster Hunter (and Dave Barry), but I already lit the imagination of 10 people and that’s something. And I’ve slacked off on writing. (A man gets busy y’all.) So, for Christmas Eve, I promise to post a prologue to the long neglected serialized novella Attack of the Lesbian Activist Squirrels. Ideally, it’s going to be a single post (1,500 words or so).

Then, if I’m very lucky, perhaps I can get my head out of my ass and finish the next chapter. I started it many weeks ago but got derailed by everything. Soon, I’ll have a few days off work. It’s not easy to find the time but I’ll try. At the very least I promise a Christmas Eve post.

Merry Christmas, y’all.