No sooner had I crammed cord #4 in my shed (and picked out a few trees to begin cord #5) the weather went ape. It was cold and I started burning wood instead of amassing it. It was still September: WTF!
Since the weather sucked, there was nothing I could do but cool my jets. I thought about the “too big” firewood conundrum and decided to build a go-nogo gauge. For those of you unfamiliar with primitive technology, it’s just a device to measure an object that gives it a pass/fail. They’re everywhere people need something like that.
I suppose most people’s main exposure to them is the little box at the airport gate where they’re supposed to check if your overhead luggage is the right size. You now the one I’m talking about, the one you sneak by because you crammed extra shit in your carry on and now it’s bulging like a football and you just know if those shitweasels take your carry on you won’t see it again this calendar year. Meanwhile some other lunatic is trying to bring a walrus as an emotional support animal. Ugh… I hate air travel.
I built it out of scrap. I used a 2″x4″ frame because stuff used around firewood gets mashed and bludgeoned pretty hard.
Then I cut a hole in a piece of 1/2″ scrap plywood. This hole is the size of my firebox door (it’s a top loader… I love top loading).
It’s not rocket science to guess the next step:
I have two wood stoves. The second is my beloved Betsy.
Betsy the woodstove. Yes, I named my woodstove. She’s earned it!
Old timey wood cookstoves have small fireboxes and awkward access. A rookie lesson is to cut and split some “kitchen wood” and the rest as “heat the house wood”. I’m sure everyone knew this in 1905 but I learned it just a few years ago.
I managed to avoid going down the rabbit hole fretting over the perfect radius. I think too much “math” and not enough “just get it done”. The end result was pretty spot on… also I had to restrain myself from touching up the curve, doing a little sanding, and varnishing… it’s a firewood measure and not a machine shop project. The inner geek comes out at times and the inner Paul Bunyan has to kick his ass.
The top is for home heat, the side is for “kitchen wood”. The box itself is roughly the dimension of the firebox. Also it’s a decent height to sit on it and contemplate. I suppose, it could find a third use if I’m out in the forest some day… but that’s yucky. (I know some of you were thinking about it.)
If I flip it on its side it’s roughly analogous to the depth of Betsy’s diminutive firebox.
Probably not the most efficient use of my time but I had fun and it keeps me off the streets. I hope it warms up again soon. I wasn’t planning on lighting the woodstove for months and it’s already going right now. Winter is looking scary this year!
A.C.
P.S. Other mentions of Betsy are below, I’ve finally mastered the percolator so now my shop has a cheery old timey stove and a coffee pot. Don’t really need it (the percolator) but I like having it.
- Cookstove! The Beginning
- Cookstove! The Middle
- Cookstove! Google Fu Challenge
- Cookstove! Nothing Is Easy.
- Cookstove! You Gotta’ Be Kidding
- Cookstove! Chimney
- Cookstove! Crossed The Finish Line
- Coffee Moment: Part 2
- Ideas That Can’t (But Should) Be Killed
- A Moment Of Grace: Part 3.5
- Firewood Update: Overthinking And Garageneering
Overthinking, you said it AC.
So you used soft wood to make your go-no go gauge? How long do you expect THAT to last without it “resizing” itself? Or do you only burn dry white pine???
Ain’t you got no welder?
I used plywood and pine studs, because that’s what was hanging around the garage. If I was “overthinking” building it, you’ve raised the bar of overthinking by fretting over materials. Go team!
I figure it’ll last a few years and might make a handy stool for resting as I work too. When it wears out it’ll get tossed in a fire somewhere and I’ll make another one.
It would be fun to weld one out of mild steel but I suck at welding, don’t have any scrap metal, and I’m ill equipped for it.
And PLEASE don’t be this guy:
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/YoungBrokenCoelacanth-mobile.mp4
Man that guy had about six things go wrong all at once. He’s very fortunate it didn’t get worse.
You should patent it and market copies as “The Quackenbush Rustic Patent Surgical Wood Sorter, Cat Kennel, Footstool and Compostible Khazi (as used by the Crowned Heads of Europe)”.
Offer them in various colours (including PINK for the “Laydees”) and your fortune is made. You will be able to hire staff to cut wood and stack it for you and you will never again be bothered by organising firewood again.
Don’t thank me – it’s all part of the service.
Brilliant!
We started having fires last week! I refused to turn on the propane heat so fire it was. It got down to 26 last night. We are in the middle of nowhere, NV. A large tree fell down on my mom’s property in California and I was so excited! I was hoping it was good firewood, but no, it ended up just being a large pine that fell onto another pine. They were quoted $3,000 to have it all removed and cleaned up! My dad is too frail to do it himself.
We’ve been running fires most nights for a few days. It’s too soon!
Isn’t economics weird? I drop a tree on my lawn and clean it up entirely by myself; I feel pretty smug having saved $180 on a cord of firewood. Somewhere else a tree on a lawn costs $3k to remove. That said it’s hard work and if one can’t physically do it they’re at the mercy of prevailing wages.
How’s rural NV as a place to live? I’ve often thought of retiring there… usually in the middle of winter when I’m sick of the cold. (I realize NV gets cold but not usually -30 or anything like that.)
We moved here from California and we love it. We do NOT vote Democrat!!! We don’t want to bring California here but, tragically, it is on it’s way here. We now have a Democrat governor and many other officials. It’s not the rural areas, it is because of Los Vegas and Reno. My husband and I were both born and raised in CA and it is so tragic that it is a one party state. We get a little snow here a few time each winter and the mosquitoes have been a bit nasty the last couple of summers. I like the snow if I don’t have to drive in it. We are 45 minutes from a grocery store and gas station so we have a gas tank on our property and have it delivered! Awesome!! We don’t have any signal lights in our town. No traffic and mostly white people (go ahead, call me racist). We have lots of coyotes and snakes and a bear was on our back porch twice this summer. The only thing I miss are the grand kids.
You might like it here. Come for a visit and check it out.
Thanks for the info. I’ve traveled in Nevada quite a bit and I’ve always liked it. I even did a quick motorcycle ride across Death Valley in the middle of August… it was pretty cool. (Ha ha ha… OK it was hot, but you know what I mean.) But I’ve never had the opportunity to live there. I’d assumed that Vegas pretty much ruled politics; which is common in states with sparce populations unbalanced by a big city’s gravitational pull.
I like where I live but I’m thinking far in the future I may want to retire somewhere with winters that aren’t quite so crazy. Pretty much anywhere with low population density is on my consideration list. I agree that California is a sad state of affairs. It goes to show you can start with heaven on earth (in terms of natural beauty) and just ruin it with rules and regulations. Plus the air in San Joaquin valley darned near killed me.
I don’t live quite so far from a gas station but I love the idea of on site gas storage. Do you do that with unleaded or just diesel?
Nice!
Where I work we have a “Carpenter” who would have spent 4 hours drawing it on the computer, 1/2 an hour programing for the CNC, 15 minutes routing on the CNC all to save 3 minutes cutting the perfect radius! Overthinking indeed, yours is perfect.
Thanks. I don’t do much CAD or CNC…every time I approach the learning curve I say “fuck it” and just build what I want.
Having been in a not dissimilar situation, I understand the difference between “kitchen stove wood” and “not kitchen stove wood.” The solution I selected was imperfect, but workable: determining the maximum size that would fit both. Fortunately, the disparity was not extreme; it required 1″ shorter “not kitchen stove wood” but allowed 1/2″ larger diameter for both.
The length thing was easy, involving only the fabrication of a “T” shaped gizmo; I fancied it up by using 1/2″ plywood for the top of the T and, since the dado blade was already on the table saw and set to 1/4″ two cuts were added to produce slots in the plywood prior to attaching it to a length of 1.5″ wide plywood to serve as a handle. A short length of 3/4″ plywood was added to the left end of the bottom face to serve as a “start gauge.”
The cuts are the requisite distance apart so as to be 3/16″ shorter than the “maximum ‘both’ size” so the Gizmo and a can of spray paint work the magic. The “start gauge” is hooked over the end of a log and the farthest RH slot sprayed; align the LH slot over the newly painted stripe and spray the RH slot. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Worked like a charm, even the teenage grandson was able to figure out how to use it after a period of instruction.
Partway through the first season Ver 1.0 was showing some wear, and some design flaws, so Ver 2.0 was produced; 2.0 has a 4″ longer slot on the right end, a 1/8″ wider slot on the LH end, that face is marked “TOP” and the plywood itself was cut trapezoidal, narrower end to the left (the Gizmo was designed for right-handed users; reverse the design for Southpaws). The longer RH slot allows a longer painted stripe which extends beyond the upper and lower edges of the narrower left end of the plywood, making it easier to align the now-wider left hand slot with the preceding stripe (the grandson provided invaluable assistance in discovering this design flaw; a further enhancement was the painting of a brightly colored stripe on the hydraulic splitter; any unsplit piece that obscures the stripe is too long. Yep, the grandson again….).
A simple single-hole design was used to fabricate a piece of plywood to use as a “go/no-go maximum diameter” gauge installed adjacent to the splitter (the grandson is working on developing a Trained Eye, but until then mechanical aids have proved necessary; he’s advanced to the point where he can tell a 2X4 from a 6X6 merely by looking at them; I’m hopeful that he’ll master firewood sizing by the time he’s 30. Until then, I’m keeping the fact that the new kitchen stove is propane a secret).
That sounds awesome! If you want to send a photo I’ll post it. The log marking Gizmo Ver 2.0 needs to be shared with the world. 🙂
Here:
http://itaintholywater.blogspot.com/2019/10/polish-public-works-in-action.html
is what you so truly need!
That thing is a dismemberment machine.
Good work AC! Senior delinquency is a huge problem for old farts like us, and this not only keeps you out of jail… it’s a great use of your time and something constructive. Gawd, I wish we had wood heat…
Doing my part to keep me out of society’s hair.
I love wood heat except for the part about having a regular life. I swear you could burn 40 hours a week just keeping the pipes thawed. It’s an all encompassing task that would be super fun if I didn’t have regular work too.
That’s nothing. Search “scary log splitter” on Youtube and you’ll see stuff that’ll make your balls draw up into your body.
Absolutely not! Watching some moron with a Stihl and flip flops gives me the willies, some dude with a welder creating an instrument of disembowelment to split a log will make me stroke out.
Working on Ver 3.0 to correct the deficiencies of 2.0 uncovered by my R&D Dept. I’ll send pics.
Thanks.
To answer your question up above a few comments: you can get both here but we only have unleaded. Our neighbor has both. Also, we are off two dirt roads so we can shoot from our front or back door if need be!
That’s cool. I like the idea of onsite fuel storage.
Firing from your backdoor is a good and proper way to test the livability of a property. Enjoy it. I can do the same. Rural living also comes with the auxiliary benefit of a nice light pollution free sky. I really like my “darksky”.