“You are the worst marketer ever! You’re like the guys that invented New Coke mixed with whomever cancelled Firefly.”
Ouch. That hurt.
The commanding voice was hard to ignore. It was my friend, very occasional blog author, and frequent (though constructive) critic, Dr. Mingo. He continued.
“You crank up interest in your Activist Lesbian Squirrels story and then, just when I start paying attention and it’s getting good, it drops off the planet. Then I get interested in your homesteading shit, and then you’ll drop that to talk squirrels.”
“Well…” I hesitated. I have no excuse. He was right.
“And nine posts about a two-minute eclipse everyone forgot about last month? Plus, who the hell cares about Bonnie Tyler. Isn’t she dead?”
“I’m a polymath?”
“No, you’re a blogger who lacks focus. What happened to the squirrel story?”
I tapped a few keys on my laptop. “Chapter five had a dozen posts between July 31st and August 10th.”
“And since then?”
“It hasn’t been long.”
“Look at the calendar.”
Shit! No squirrel posts for five weeks. Time really does fly.
Mingo didn’t wait for my inevitable lame excuse. “Finish the fucking squirrels.”
“Yeah, sooner or later I’ll…”
“Get serious and type it out. You had time off work last week, did you write?”
“I went squirrel hunting.”
“IS THERE NO END TO YOUR IRONY?!?”
“I’ll say, the little fuckers eluded me at every tree. I had pizza for dinner instead of tree rat. I still need a better air rifle scope…”
“God dammit, complete the story!” Mingo interrupted.
“Meh.”
“Now!”
My dog was nodding, as if in agreement. That changed things. If my dog and Mingo were in agreement I’d better do some writing.
“OK, how about a few more posts?” I capitulated.
“Ugh… fine. I’d rather it all at once but at least keep moving. Wait a minute, is this because of your damn dog?”
“I’m putting this on my blog.” I tried to change the subject.
“The dog is not sentient!”
“Gotta’ go. I feel like cutting plywood in my shop.”
“Keyboard first, bandsaw later. Focus!”
With that he hung up.
I’m not promising focus but there will be more squirrels. In a few days. Probably.