Me: “I’m still sick? Still? Now? You’ve gotta’ be kidding me!”
Me: “No shit dude, you’re toast. Haven’t posted squat. Just some blather about a newscaster… and you haven’t watched TV news since you had a black and white set so your concern makes no sense. Also you’re speaking in the third person.”
Me: “Fine fine, I’ll write something in my blog.”
Me: “Whatever, you’re probably going to just phone it in.”
Me: “Hell yeah I will. Nothin’ but fluff.”
Despite being awesome, I couldn’t kick the cold myself. So I got all humble and went the Dr. for a dose of magic potion. (OK fine they’re antibiotics but what are antibiotics if not a miracle? Hell, given the choice between magic potion and modern medicine, smart money might very well be on the latter. Sure Sauron and his potion of strength sounds cool but it’s all chickenshit compared to beating polio and anyone who wants superhuman strength can just buy heavy equipment.) Note: In case you were wondering, they don’t like the phrase “magic potion” at the pharmacy.
I figured I’d be fine in a few days. Nope! I recovered a bit and then crashed again. Christ on a cracker, how long does it take to shake a cold? Apparently forever.
Fuck it; I logically reasoned that I’d clock in at work whether I’m dead or not. If I’m going to be miserable I might as well get paid. It sorta’ helped my attitude to be productive (if not the usual powerhouse) and I’m not contagious so why the hell not?
Even so it has been weeks and I’m a walking dead battery. Wake up, drag your ass to work, barely scrape across the finish line, a couple hours sitting on the couch like a zombie, and then sleep. Eat. Or don’t. Who gives a shit. Lather rise repeat the next day. Even the cat thinks I’m lazy.
I’ve more or less dropped out of society (which for me isn’t that far anyway) and the Foxinator is said to have muttered something about a “man cold”. I swear I haven’t been whining or watching TV so the accusation is denied. If you crawl under the porch and quietly sleep for a month that’s not a man cold, that’s… that’s… I suppose it makes me an honorary teenager? Yes that’s it; useless, lazy, disinterested, and smelly. I’ve been temporarily demoted to teenager.
In desperation I went through about six hundred dumbass phone calls and misdirected papers to get a refill of magic potion antibiotics. I’ve had mixed results.
Anyway I can safely say two things:
- The passage of time may be like sands through an hourglass but at some point the only way you know what week it is comes from looking at the dwindling firewood pile.
- There have got to be much sicker and much older people that, when dealing with the hassles of calling in a prescription refill like I just faced, just give up and die instead. Seriously, the only reason I persevered was because I was not particularly ill. (My surprise at the pharmacies manifest incompetence might be in part because I usually use a more “citified” service and had higher expectations. This time chose a rural place because I didn’t feel like driving far. I think more people are killed by Gertrude the octogenarian and Betty the woman with the IQ of tapwater who jointly can’t operate a FAX machine in rural bumfuck nowhere than high tech database mixups at Walgreens. Lesson learned, next time I’ll drive to freakin’ Baltimore if I have to. Watching a half dozen rubes screw shit up for 8 hours is just too painful. Nuff said on that.)
I’ll leave you with this:
Video clip – What An Ass! If your are behaving even remotely like ‘The Ass’, Mrs. Curmudgeon has my permission to sew you up in the sheets and take a frying pan to you.
Nope. I’m nothing like that. I just crawl under the covers and wait it out as if I were in a coma. If I’m too sick to read I see no reason to have my eyes open.
But c’mon that was a funny video! “Poor little bunny”? Classic.
Oh, it was hilarious. But if I ever act like that guy, I’d like to think that the SO would have the self-respect to get her pistol and put me out of her misery.
I’ve added “you poor poor little bunny” to the list of sayings that make me laugh at the mere utterance.
Well, at least with the weather what I suspect it is in your neck of the woods, you can give the cat some exercise. Just shuffle across the carpet wearing some footwear with synthetic soles, then hold a key out towards the cat’s nose.
}:-]
Make sure you grip the key tightly, of course, to insure you don’t feel anything…
I’m pretty sure I’ll feel something when the cat goes up and over me like a rocket. Even so, it might be fun to try it. 🙂
Let me assure you, that cat will be going the OTHER direction after you light it up. Unless, of course, you have it cornered. But then it might be interesting to see it try to climb that wall before deciding that going over you is the better idea…
}:-]
I’m surprised you are having so much trouble getting a (or some) prescriptions. My experience on the East Coast has been that small, local pharmacies are a huge improvement on any chain, because the chains apparently have an outreach program aimed at hiring the bewildered.
Small pharmacies may be fine in larger population centers but apparently not here. It’s probably not the size of the store but the depth of the labor pool to staff it.
I suppose. I spent YEARS dealing with chain pharmacies that could not put an scrip “on file” and not lose it. And when you came back for it, you couldn’t say “well, call the doctor and verify, I’ll do my shopping elsewhere and come back”. You pretty much had to stand there throwing a tantrum.
I’ve probably spent a nice sum of money extra going to small pharmaices, but I figure I’ve saved at least that much in ulcer medication.
A few years ago I needed some meds that were dirt cheap… like under $5. They said “oh no, we can’t process your insurance because the computer is down”. I handed them a $10 bill and said ring it up. You’d have thought I was speaking Swahili. Apparently “paying cash” in a pharmacy is simply never done by anyone ever. They kept asking, “what about your deductible… your insurance needs to know”. I said something like “I’ve got cash and insurance can blow me” which caused some tittering behind the counter.
My local pharmacy has fielded that without batting an eye. Great people. Probably not worth it to you to move to the Doylestown PA area though.