Spam Muse

I know you’ll be shocked to hear this, but blogs get spam.  This isn’t a big deal.  My spam filters are set at “shoot first and ask questions later“, my computer’s settings are on “nuke it from orbit“, and everything else is set on “vaporize“.  I don’t mind if it hoses stuff.  I’m willing to let an occasional legitimate message become “collateral damage“.  (Side note: if you tried to comment and never saw it…now you know why.)

Spam software gibberish is sometimes good enough to confuse my filters.  They’ll surround it with armed guards and throw it into the dungeon where I ignore it forever.  Then, on a whim I’ll instruct the filters to bring me the prisoner (in shackles) so I can determine if it’s fit to live.  (Actually I just delete everything in the quarantine…why not?)

A few are almost as intelligible as a politicians and since it’s a computer trying to mimic thought they’re just as cute as watching a politician trying to think.  Occasionally one gets a pardon.  It’s still spam but I like the way they sound.

Today I present pardoned spam comments:

• Hrm, Not the best post unfortunately. Sorry to be so blunt! You should try some Norwegian carrot cake <redacted> to cheer you up instead.

Yes indeed.  Why should I not have cake from Norwegian carrots?  Sounds delicious!  This is surely a logical response to foaming at the mouth about  the Chevy Volt.

• For over 100 years, this single garment has served as the most important vehicle for the public undressing of America.

This one is less intriguing than the carrot cake.  Everybody knows the important vehicle for undressing in America is liquor…especially if it’s made of Norwegian carrots.

You may now seek intelligent discourse elsewhere on the internet.  I’ll go back to talking to the spam.