I present a link to the excellent Bill Of NO Rights. Rather than wantonly cut and paste I’ll provide the preamble and first article. Click through to read the rest (it’s worth it):
The Bill Of NO Rights
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal, commie, pinko bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen color TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
Hat tip to Borepatch who pointed me to Red Hill Kudzu who says he got the Bill Of No Rights from Backwoods Home.
You are reading Backwoods home aren’t you?
If not why? Do you reside in the backwoods? Is that residence a home? Are you actively pursuing some form of self reliance? If so, this is the magazine for you! Consider this my Curmudgeonly endorsement of the best (only?) self-reliance periodical currently shipping. (No I don’t get a red cent from them.)
I hit Backwoods Home regularly for Massad Ayoob’s blog.
Awesome periodical.
I like most of their authors. Jackie Clay is particularly inspiring.
BWH is the only magazine we keep for future reference.
http://www.backwoodshome.com/articles/napper56.html
I like the Bill Of No Rights right well, but would prefer something more along a point-counterpoint interpretation of the Bill Of Rights and other major American documents, viz:
You have the right of Freedom of Speech. Nobody promised you an audience. You may not appropriate an audience that has gathered to hear someone else, or engage in behavior such as blocking public thoroughfares that makes it impossible for your fellow citizens to exercise THEIR right to ignore you.
You have the right of Freedom of the Press; nobody has a right to prevent you from writing whatever you damn well please. Getting it printed is your own lookout.
You have the right to freely exercise whatever religious beliefs you may entertain, provided that in doing so you do not harm anyone else’s life, liberty, or property. If as, for example, an atheist, you have no cheerful holidays or impressive monuments for others to enjoy, don’t try to stop other beliefs from enjoying their holidays and monuments. Either develop some (re; holidays; the more drinking involved, the faster general adoption will go), or shut up.
etc.