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Monthly Archives: October 2011
Part VI: COGs and Food
COGs eat food because it tastes good and starving is stupid. COGs believe people to get too weird in their relationship to food are only doing so because they have too much spare time. Continue reading
Posted in Things That Must Be Said
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Spot The COG IV
In keeping with yesterday’s clarification I’ve added a twist to my “Spot the COG” game. Today I’m offering a COG and a “beyond COG”. Continue reading
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An Interruption Of COG Week For An Important Clarification
I am remiss. I was so intent on honoring the staid and uncool but ultimately essential COGs that I left out the more colorful elements of my unified field theory of everything. Continue reading
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Part V: The COG Household
COGs have a lifestyle which has become remarkable as society around it has evolved (see: tanked). Many demographics have somehow created a mess of their own lives while COGs keep keepin’ on. COGs take pride in their household’s lack of drama. Continue reading
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Spot The COG III
In honor of COG week I propose a game called Spot the COG. Which of these two images represents a COG? Continue reading
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Part IV: COGs and Politics
COGs correctly view politics as a flamboyant method to avoid getting a real job. However they seem to wind up financing damn near everything through their taxes. You’d think this would encourage them to get more active but instead it encourages them to view the rest of the population as useless layabouts. (Which, statistically speaking, is true.) Continue reading
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Part III: COGs and Cars
When I was growing up I was taught that the advent of the personal automobile was a vast improvement in the freedom, mobility, and general welfare of all Americans. This was true. Children are now taught that people should enjoy being herded onto mass transit to sit between homeless derelicts that throw up on your shoes and gang bangers looking for a fight. Continue reading
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iNinjas Weep
Steve Jobs is dead. Millions of Apple People are weeping in their Lattes. In their secret lairs iNinjas are committing seppuku. Continue reading
Posted in Technology of Indignity
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Spot The COG II
In honor of COG week I propose a game called Spot the COG. Which of these two images represents a COG? Continue reading
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Part II: COGs and Jobs
This is one of a multi part series of essays about the long ignored and often undervalued portion of our society that you’ll never see on an episode of “Cops”. Let us begin with one of the most important traits of a COG: Jobs. Continue reading
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